I feel the spark of inspiration coming. Remember Modern Trekkies If The Wrath of Khan Was New? You're all in for a treat. I have a special new one already half-written in my head. It's gonna be good."B-b-but it's CANON!"
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The setting: Why TNG and not TOS?
- Thread starter Acenos
- Start date
"Parody: Modern Trekkies If The Animated Series Was New"
- by Lord Garth
I just spent the past fall watching the new animated "Star Trek" series. It's a Saturday-morning cartoon. What do I have to say about it? I have a lot to say. I used to rate "Star Trek" episodes on a 10-scale. But because NBC couldn't be bothered with the courtesy of treating us like adults and giving us a live-action show, I'm not going to give their little cartoon the courtesy of rating each episode individually. This is for all of them.
What rating will I give this new "Star Trek"? You'll find out at the end. But I will tell you one thing: This cartoon makes the third season look positively like gold.
"Star Trek" was the first science-fiction TV series with continuing characters intended for adults. Why are they turning it into a Saturday morning cartoon?! That doesn't make any sense! This isn't "Lost In Space"! Minus one point.
What the Hell is with that intro music? I thought it was bad enough when "Star Trek" had an episode with hippies. Now they're trying to be "hip" to the '70s? They need to stop trying to make "Star Trek" trendy! That's two points down so far!
Speaking of trendy, in one of the episodes, they had Uhura beam down with an all-woman security team! Can you believe that? A woman in security? They would NEVER do that on the real "Star Trek"! Keep women's lib out of my "Star Trek"! I don't need that nonsense shoved down my throat! But I guess they need to have the women do *something* since Kirk can't have his way with them in a cartoon like he did before, if you know what I mean... Three points down!
But that's not the only thing that isn't believable. Now they have a three-armed navigator? Really? In the live-action "Star Trek", they never would've had that. "Star Trek" aliens were supposed to represent different facets of Humanity. How human is three arms?! What are they going to have next season? Bug-eyed monsters?! Four points down!
And why do they have the characters out in space with whatever it is they replaced the space suits with?! Do these writers even know anything about science?! At least before, they actually bothered to do research! But now?! Pffft... Five points down.
They can't let go of the past either! They had the Guardian of Forever again, Spock's parents, Tribbles, Harry Mudd, and again with the Klingons and the Romulans! And did I mention Cyrano Jones? We're supposed to be seeking out NEW life! How many episodes did the Klingons and Romulans appear in? Why do we need to see them again? Before, they were just stand-ins for the Soviets. We have a detente now. If they want to focus on something relevant they should be looking at home! Six points down.
And that brings me to my next point! Can you believe what's going on in the news? Back when "Star Trek" used to actually be about something, they addressed issues of the day! And this corruption in the White House is unbelievable. New news is breaking out on Nixon and the Watergate Scandal every day! I can't believe I voted for him! If "Star Trek" had the gumption it used to, they'd have Captain Kirk fighting corruption in the United Federation of Planets! Imagine that. Captain Kirk exposing the dark underbelly of the Federation. But no. "Star Trek" has been reduced to being just a kid's show with this stupid cartoon! Seven points down!
And speaking of being a stupid cartoon, they couldn't even be bothered to have good animation! They're so lazy they have the characters constantly covering their mouths so we don't have to see their lips move! Filmation doesn't care! They just want to push out a stupid cartoon! They're not even as good as when I was a kid anymore! What happened?! Eight points down!!
They're so cheap in fact that they can't even bother to hire more voice actors! Where's Chekov? Where's Leslie? And why does every man sound like Scotty and every woman sound like Uhura or Nurse Chapel? Nine points down!
But nothing and I mean nothing compares with how stupid the plots are. First they have the Enterprise encounter the Devil, then they have a giant Tribble rolling around in the background, and then they have "Spock Two!!!!" SPOCK TWO?! HOW CAN THEY INSULT US LIKE THIS?! WHAT ARE THEY DOING? WHY CAN'T THEY GIVE US LIVE-ACTION STAR TREK AGAIN?! Ten points down!!!
Other science-fiction fans looked down on us in 1966 and now we're justifying them looking down on us by turning "Star Trek" into this travesty. I want the real "Star Trek" back!
I'M SICK OF WATCHING ALL THE SAME OLD EPISODES OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!!!! Oh! I've been told "You don't have to watch! Just stop watching!" But I can't! What else am I going to watch? Have you seen what's on the TV? No. I'm watching "Star Trek" and it's mine! Even the third season! Even the cartoon! I have to watch it all! But I want "Star Trek" back! The real "Star Trek"!
On a scale of 1 to 10, I give the Saturday-morning "Star Trek" cartoon a 0. A ZERO!!!
If you want to watch The REAL "Star Trek", watch it on weeknights! Not Saturday mornings. Boycott this stupid kiddie show just like those hippies were boycotting the war and those women were burning their bras. Burn this new "Star Trek" into the ground! It's the Trekkie thing to do.
- by Lord Garth
I just spent the past fall watching the new animated "Star Trek" series. It's a Saturday-morning cartoon. What do I have to say about it? I have a lot to say. I used to rate "Star Trek" episodes on a 10-scale. But because NBC couldn't be bothered with the courtesy of treating us like adults and giving us a live-action show, I'm not going to give their little cartoon the courtesy of rating each episode individually. This is for all of them.
What rating will I give this new "Star Trek"? You'll find out at the end. But I will tell you one thing: This cartoon makes the third season look positively like gold.
"Star Trek" was the first science-fiction TV series with continuing characters intended for adults. Why are they turning it into a Saturday morning cartoon?! That doesn't make any sense! This isn't "Lost In Space"! Minus one point.
What the Hell is with that intro music? I thought it was bad enough when "Star Trek" had an episode with hippies. Now they're trying to be "hip" to the '70s? They need to stop trying to make "Star Trek" trendy! That's two points down so far!
Speaking of trendy, in one of the episodes, they had Uhura beam down with an all-woman security team! Can you believe that? A woman in security? They would NEVER do that on the real "Star Trek"! Keep women's lib out of my "Star Trek"! I don't need that nonsense shoved down my throat! But I guess they need to have the women do *something* since Kirk can't have his way with them in a cartoon like he did before, if you know what I mean... Three points down!
But that's not the only thing that isn't believable. Now they have a three-armed navigator? Really? In the live-action "Star Trek", they never would've had that. "Star Trek" aliens were supposed to represent different facets of Humanity. How human is three arms?! What are they going to have next season? Bug-eyed monsters?! Four points down!
And why do they have the characters out in space with whatever it is they replaced the space suits with?! Do these writers even know anything about science?! At least before, they actually bothered to do research! But now?! Pffft... Five points down.
They can't let go of the past either! They had the Guardian of Forever again, Spock's parents, Tribbles, Harry Mudd, and again with the Klingons and the Romulans! And did I mention Cyrano Jones? We're supposed to be seeking out NEW life! How many episodes did the Klingons and Romulans appear in? Why do we need to see them again? Before, they were just stand-ins for the Soviets. We have a detente now. If they want to focus on something relevant they should be looking at home! Six points down.
And that brings me to my next point! Can you believe what's going on in the news? Back when "Star Trek" used to actually be about something, they addressed issues of the day! And this corruption in the White House is unbelievable. New news is breaking out on Nixon and the Watergate Scandal every day! I can't believe I voted for him! If "Star Trek" had the gumption it used to, they'd have Captain Kirk fighting corruption in the United Federation of Planets! Imagine that. Captain Kirk exposing the dark underbelly of the Federation. But no. "Star Trek" has been reduced to being just a kid's show with this stupid cartoon! Seven points down!
And speaking of being a stupid cartoon, they couldn't even be bothered to have good animation! They're so lazy they have the characters constantly covering their mouths so we don't have to see their lips move! Filmation doesn't care! They just want to push out a stupid cartoon! They're not even as good as when I was a kid anymore! What happened?! Eight points down!!
They're so cheap in fact that they can't even bother to hire more voice actors! Where's Chekov? Where's Leslie? And why does every man sound like Scotty and every woman sound like Uhura or Nurse Chapel? Nine points down!
But nothing and I mean nothing compares with how stupid the plots are. First they have the Enterprise encounter the Devil, then they have a giant Tribble rolling around in the background, and then they have "Spock Two!!!!" SPOCK TWO?! HOW CAN THEY INSULT US LIKE THIS?! WHAT ARE THEY DOING? WHY CAN'T THEY GIVE US LIVE-ACTION STAR TREK AGAIN?! Ten points down!!!
Other science-fiction fans looked down on us in 1966 and now we're justifying them looking down on us by turning "Star Trek" into this travesty. I want the real "Star Trek" back!
I'M SICK OF WATCHING ALL THE SAME OLD EPISODES OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!!!! Oh! I've been told "You don't have to watch! Just stop watching!" But I can't! What else am I going to watch? Have you seen what's on the TV? No. I'm watching "Star Trek" and it's mine! Even the third season! Even the cartoon! I have to watch it all! But I want "Star Trek" back! The real "Star Trek"!
On a scale of 1 to 10, I give the Saturday-morning "Star Trek" cartoon a 0. A ZERO!!!
If you want to watch The REAL "Star Trek", watch it on weeknights! Not Saturday mornings. Boycott this stupid kiddie show just like those hippies were boycotting the war and those women were burning their bras. Burn this new "Star Trek" into the ground! It's the Trekkie thing to do.
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Being a cartoon could we actually have some alien aliens and not just humanoid aliens? Is that too much to ask?
Apparently.
I don't think it's bizarre at all.
I'd imagine Ensign Rios to be the goofiest and most carefree character on Lower Decks. Make him as different from Picard Rios as possible. Then his character gets transferred to the USS ibn Majid from the USS Cerritos and they all have a farewell party and give him a high five.
That would make the events of Picard that much more horrific.
Martok has a huge family. So it's about time we saw more of his House.
she said something about "bald guy with eyepatch". Timeline issues aside (and hey this franchise has time travel), this was obviously General Chang
Do you think they could get Seth McFarland for such a role though?
I completely missed the bald part. Sorry for the confusion! 
I completely missed the bald part. Sorry for the confusion!
I just watched and listened to it twice. She says "Old guy with an eyepatch", not "bald guy with an eyepatch".
%^#! Shows how long it's been since I've seen DS9...
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