TOS Caption Contest #148: Costume Party!

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

Late, late, late.

After getting ear infections about every three weeks, the boy is getting tubes in his ears tomorrow morning. My nights here lately have been taken up by having to talk my worrywart wife down from the ledge.

They have to put him under, and with him being younger than two, it's driving her nuts.

Anyway, on to the important stuff. Lots of winners this week. It's hard to whittle it down when I have to make sure my wife doesn't call the doctor and cancel.

Godzilla: "My son tells me you've been bullying him!"

Kirk: "Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra."

Gorn: "Wrong episode, dumbass."

Spock: "Your threats do not worry me, Lieutenant. The captain already knows I sit in his chair when he's gone."
Uhura: "We'll see."

Spock: "they see me rollin' ... "
Uhura: "they hate it ..."
Chekov: "patrollin ..."
Sulu: "they tryin'a catch ..."
Bridge: " ME . RIDIN' . DIRTY ."
... and everyone laughs

Spock: "Lt Uhura, when you have a moment please call Mr Scott to the bridge. I'd like him to repair the hole you've burned into the back of my head."

Food slot Cat is watching McCoy masturbate.

McCOY: Tentacles, you say?
SPOCK: Yep. Hundreds.
KIRK: Party on the Hangar Deck at 2100 hours. Inform the crew.

Spock: My mistake, testicles.
Kirk: Belay that party order.

Spock: "Dr. McCoy, I may only have sex once every seven years, but even I know to put away my Pokemon cards when a female is present."

Kirk: "I hope she doesn't notice my insignia is on crooked."

Congratulations to everyone, including the two-in-a-rows and our first time winner. Nicely done. Lots of funny stuff all week from everyone.

With the half-assed holiday, this week's shots have a bit of a "Let's Play Dress Up!" theme:

Have at it.

Joe, needed this distraction






TOS Caption Contest Pantheon of Winners

26138 (2x)
A beaker full of death (4x)
Adam Ihle (4x)
AlphaTrionTJW
Alrik (2x)
Alyssa (3x)
ancient
Atavachron (2x)
Bad Atom (2x)
Battrekker
brian
Cakes488
CaptainJon
captain crow (4x)
Captain Kate (2x)
Classic Fan
commodore64
cooleddie74 (23x)
cultcross
Cuhl
DeafPoet
Defcon (2x)
Deranged Nastat
Diesel Micky Dolenz (12x)
Dohlman
DrBob (14x)
DS9Sega (7x)
EliyahuQeoni (3x)
EnsignHarper (2X)
FishDS9
galleywest (4x)
Gary7 (2x)
Gertch (26x)
goldbug (3x)
Guartho
Haggis and Tatties
Hambone (3x) ***BIG WINNER!***
highlander (12x)
Isis (2X)
Jackson_Roykirk
J. Allen (2x)
jayrath
Jeri
Johnnyracefan (2x)
John_Picard (4x)
Jonas Grumby ***FIRST TIME BIG WINNER!!!***
jptrekker (3x)
Kahloke
Kegek (2x)
Kirby (2x)
KJM
Mallory (4x)
MGagen
middyseafort (10x)
Milo Bloom ***FIRST TIME BIG WINNER!!!***
Mistral (2x)
Mojochi
M'Sharak (14x)
NCC-1701 (7x)
Nebusj
Nerys Myk (37x)
Noname Given (2x)
NTRPRZ
Outpost4 (16x)
Quo Vadimus
Rat Boy (45!x)
Redfern (2x) ***BIG WINNER!!!***
SciFi75 (5x)
scottydog (25x) ***BIG WINNER!!!***
Sector 7
seigezunt (2x)
Shatmandu (25x)
Shaw (4x)
shivkala
Sir Rhosis (2x)
S'Kai
Sovay
SRFX
ssosmcin
Super Grover
Tallis Rhul
Tan Ru (2x)
T'Bonz (8x)
T'Girl (2x) ***SECOND BIG WIN IN A ROW!***
terranova
Tharpdevenport (3x)
the 4th hanson bro (4x)
TheGallifreyanSith
The Badger (3x) ***SECOND BIG WIN IN A ROW!***
The Castellan
The Cutest of Borg (2x)
The Laughing Vulcan (21x) ***BIG WINNER!!!***
The Old Mixer
The Squire of Gothos (11x)
The Tone (2x)
TigerOfDarkness (2x)
Tim M (3x)
Toban Kal
Tribble (6x)
Triskelion (27x)
Tristan
Turbo (2x)
UssGlenn (2x) ***BIG WINNER!!!***
vassa
Ward Fowler (4x)
Woulfe (4x)
Yeoman Randi (2x) ***BIG WINNER!!!***
Zachery Smith

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Yes, they did the dick thing."

Mirror Spock: "Ah. I see you're an asshole in both universes."

Spock: "If the planet sticks to scale, Roofies won't be invented for a while, Captain."

Sulu: "I don't know how old the Captain is now, physically, but his scrotum hangs like that of an eighty-year-old."

 

[MANT!]

Kid-"Hey Mr, Can I play with your gun?
Kirk "This place is even better than I imagined!!"
Spock "I think he means the firearm, Captain"

 

[Shatmandu]

Chekov: "Since vhen to Romulans have distended bellies?"
Kirk: "Man your station, fuckhead."

 

[scottydog]

Thanks for the win!

Mirror Spock: "Please hold still, doctor, while I pop this 2-inch zit."

Sulu: "I don't know how old the Captain is now, physically, but his taint smells like ben gay."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy, glancing at each of Spock's hands: "What ... is touching my thigh?"

Sulu: "I don't know how old the Captain is now, physically, but he drives very slowly in the fast lane of the Hershey Highway."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Shatner: "Did Fred Phillips seem strange to you in the make-up room this morning? Almost like he was just coming off an all-night bender."

Spock: "The images of your past interactions with T'Pring are quite vivid in your mind...you son of a bitch!"

Shatner: "No, kid, I'm not Robert Stack! And this guy isn't Walter Winchell, either!"

Community talent night at the Starfleet Retirement Home...

Spock: "I will now sing, for your enjoyment, 'The Laughing Vulcan and His Dog'."

Scott (gruffly): "Sing the dirty version or get the hell out!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Sulu: "Yes, I'd say that was forked."
Spock: "Dismissed."

 

[Mysterion]

KIRK: What's wrong with my eyebrows!? The stylist said it's the "Brooke Shields" look. she said it's very becoming on me. Isn't that right?!"

SULU/UHURA (mumbled): Ummmm....right....sir.

 

[milo bloom]

A win! And for such a cheap joke! I'm flattered...?

Seriously, thanks.

Sulu: (whispering) Nyota, does that look like some kind of gill coming out of the back of his neck?

Uhura: Wrong series, nitwit.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: I caught my head in a... mechanical rice picker. Fortunately, for me, there was a missionary nearby who was a skilled plastic surgeon.

 

[The Castellan]

Sulu did not have the heart to tell Spock he forgot to zip his fly.

 

[Tribble]

Uhura: Well, yeah, Mr. Spock is more popular among the female audience than you, but I doubt this is going to help...

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Yay for me and Hambone! Should do this tag team captioning more often!

Community talent night at the Starfleet Retirement Home...

Spock: "I will now sing, for your enjoyment, 'The Laughing Vulcan and His Dog'."

Scott (gruffly): "Sing the dirty version or get the hell out!"

Oi! I resemble that remark!

Sulu: "Greenblooded asshole!"
Uhura: "How about a two-fer if I sit on your lap?"
Chekov: "Wulcan Vanker!"
Kirk: "Hey, hey, hey! Racial Profiling!"
Spock o.s: "See how you like it, bitch!"

Mirror Spock: "Mentally comparing my beard to various gyno exams, will get you a week in the agoniser booth."

Kid: "Timmy broke my car."
Kirk: "What am I supposed to do about it, kid?"
Kid: "Do? I'll tell you what to do. I want him dead, I want his family, dead. I want his house burned to the ground."
Spock: "Charming fellow, that Capone kid."

Spock: "Before we continue with this hearing, may I suggest we adjourn to ..."
Uncontrollable Diarrhea McCoy: "Aw crap!"
Spock: "... waste extraction."

 

[John Picard]

Kirk: "Sure. Once we get done cappin some punks, Mr Spock and I will take you to the whorehouse with us. It'll be fun."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Now that I look more like your lover, Uhura, will you tell me your first name?
Uhura: No.

 

[Hambone]

SPOCK: Ladies and gentlemen, I shall be brief. Proof of Captain Kirk's advancing senility is manifested in his inability to keep from constantly scratching his testicles. Observe, he is doing it even now.

UHURA: Ew.

SULU: Excuse me, I'll be in my bunk.

SCOTTY: (scratching) Oops.

 

[Tribble]

SPOCK: Ladies and gentlemen, I shall be brief. Proof of Captain Kirk's advancing senility is manifested in his inability to keep from constantly scratching his testicles. Observe, he is doing it even now.

Kirk: I'm not senile, I have mad cow.

 

[milo bloom]

Shatner: I am *not* too old to be in the next movie! Why, if that Abrams punk were here right now, I'd (tries to stand up) <CRIIICK> ...oh my."

Nimoy: Aw, jeez Bill, was that your knee or your back?

Shatner: I think it was...lefty.

 

[Rat Boy]

Spirk: "Transporter accident. You should've seen what it did to Nurse Chapel and Dr. Noel."

Mirror Spock: "Wait a minute. I get Uhura in your universe? Sulu's about to have an unfortunate accident."

Kid: "Wait a minute, what you do you mean you can't drive?"

Kirk: "Never driven a car before in my life."

Kid: "No way, I saw the movie. You were driving a Corvette."

Kirk: "Must be mistaken."

Kid: "No, I did see it!"

*grabs Kid by the throat*

Kirk: "Listen, kid, I try to forget about that. You know how much my stepdad kicked my ass over wrecking his car?"

Senile Spock: "I was told there would be Jell-O."

Geriatric Kirk: "Yeah, make with the Jell-O already!"

Uncontrollable Diarrhea McCoy: "Uh-oh!"