TOS Caption Contest #147: Woman Troubles

[Yeoman Randi]

Kirk: "Pig Lizard? Grignak?"

Gorn: "Gorn."

Kirk: "Whatever"

 

[scottydog]

Gorn: "EIGHT ... SERVING ... ZERO ..."
McCoy, on the ship: "We're friggin' dead."

Spock: "Don't worry, Doctor. By the 5th set, the rubber in his suit will overheat and exhaust him."

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Kirk: "I am....so torn....by my emotions... i want...to turn...and make wild...passionate ...love to her.... and yet.... i sooo want to... smack that shit eaten grin off her face!"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "Five days, wandering in circles in the middle of the desert, no food, no water, for what? This?"
Gorn: "Cheer up, you've just hired the A-Team."

 

[Gertch]

Dr. Noel: "What if I said you could park around back?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Noel: "Spock's underwear must have just gotten mixed in with my laundry, darling."
Kirk: "And how'd they get under your pillow?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Without surgical restructuring, the yound lady would not be able to handle 'Wang-Chung' tonight."

 

[Rat Boy]

Noel: "I thought Sulu was the one who did the buttcheeks thing while beating off."

Kirk: "Who do you think taught it to him?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock: "The activity you are describing, Lieutenant, is called a 'Mexican Cartwheel." And, yes, it has been a while..."

Spock: "The Captain and I were just explaining to Kelinda the common, innocent and wholesome human card game called 'strip poker.' Riiight, Doctor?"

McCoy: "Huh? Oh...oh yes! Totally innocent and wholesome!"

Kirk: "'Shatmandu'? The hell kind of safety word is that?!! If you get carried away with that whip of yours again, I want something I can remember, dammit!"

Kirk: "This is it?!! This is the 'prime lakefront property' you invested my money in?!!"

 

[John Picard]

Noel: "My parents are very eager to meet you. Mother wants us over for dinner next Saturday."

Kirk: "Ahh, yeeeeess. Erm, I think I'm scheduled for an Away Mission during that week. Perhaps another time."

 

[Ssosmcin]

Kirk: "Fuck..."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "A Caption Contest entitled Woman Troubles, and I'm stuck on a planet with an ornery Gorn."
Gorn: "I am a female Gorn, if that helps."
...

...

Kirk: "[Joey]How you doin'?[/Joey]"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Look over there! A road runner!"

*Gorn turns, Kirk hauls ass in the other direction*

 

[Balthier the Great]

The Gorn Jiu Jutsu class got smaller every year...

 

[John Picard]

Shatner: "This here town ain't big enough fer the two of us, ya onery varmint."

[offscreen director] "Bill! I know you used to do westerns, but DAMMIT this is a science fiction show."

 

[Nerys Myk]

"And now for something completely different."

 

[Tribble]

GORN: Charming spot. Inspiring prospects. Let's go.
KIRK: We can't.
GORN: Why not?
KIRK: We're waiting for Godot.
GORN: Ah! You're sure it was here?
KIRK: What?
GORN: That we were to wait.
KIRK: He said by the tree. Do you see any others?
GORN: What is it?
KIRK: I don't know. A willow.
GORN: Where are the leaves?
KIRK: It must be dead.
GORN: No more weeping.
KIRK: Or perhaps it's not the season.
GORN: Looks to me more like a bush.
KIRK: A shrub.
GORN: A bush.
KIRK: A—. What are you insinuating? That we've come to the wrong place?
GORN: He should be here.
KIRK: He didn't say for sure he'd come.
GORN: And if he doesn't come?
KIRK: We'll come back tomorrow.
GORN: And then the day after tomorrow.
KIRK: Possibly.
GORN: And so on.
KIRK: The point is—
GORN: Until he comes.
KIRK: You're merciless.
GORN: We came here yesterday.
KIRK: Ah no, there you're mistaken.
GORN: What did we do yesterday?
KIRK: What did we do yesterday?
GORN: Yes.
KIRK: Why... Nothing is certain when you're about.
GORN: In my opinion we were here.
KIRK: You recognize the place?
GORN: I didn't say that.
KIRK: Well?
GORN: That makes no difference.
KIRK: All the same... that tree... that bog...
GORN: You're sure it was this evening?
KIRK: What?
GORN: That we were to wait.
KIRK: He said Saturday. (Pause.) I think.
GORN: You think.
KIRK: I must have made a note of it.
GORN: But what Saturday? And is it Saturday? Is it not rather Sunday? Or Monday? Or Friday?
KIRK: It's not possible!
GORN: Or Thursday?
KIRK: What'll we do?
GORN: If he came yesterday and we weren't here you may be sure he won't come again today.
KIRK: But you say we were here yesterday.
GORN: I may be mistaken. Let's stop talking for a minute, do you mind?
KIRK: All right.

 

[T'Girl]

Spock: "they see me rollin' ... "
Uhura: "they hate it ..."
Chekov: "patrollin ..."
Sulu: "they tryin'a catch ..."
Bridge: " ME . RIDIN' . DIRTY ."
... and everyone laughs

Spock: "There is nothing wrong with breast enlargements doctor."
Kirk: "Just look at her bones, my man-boobs are bigger!"

Kirk: "Try to keep up lieutenant."
Noels: "Love to captain, but my skirt is caught in the door."

Gorn: "Look I can't run very fast."
Kirk: "Right."
Gorn: "And I have asmatic bronchitis."
Kirk: "Okay."
Gorn: "Loud noises make me faint."
Kirk: "So explosions?"
Gorn: "Bad idea."


T'Girl

 

[Alrik]

Noel: "My pudenda aches for you."

Kirk: "Your wha.."

Noel: "I'll be waiting in your quarters while you Google it."

 

[Alrik]

Kirk: "Not going to be much of a duel without weapons."

Gorn: "True dat."

Kirk: "Well screw them. I guess those Metrons aren't all that after all. Wanna grab a beer?"

Gorn: "Now you're talkin'."