TOS Caption Contest #148: Costume Party!

[Mistral]

KIRK: Yeah, they'll be boarding the ship in about ten minutes, killing anyone who looks human.

Winner! ROFL!

 

[Nerys Myk]

Kcops: Just as I thought, a sinus headache.

 

[Shatmandu]

Sulu: "I don't remember Romulans having dicks on the backs of their necks."
Kirk, reaching around to check: "Goddamned McCoy ..."

 

[John Picard]

Carl Spock's alternate universe doppleganger knows that Dr McCoy has information concerning "a delivery" of some "merchandise".

 

[Gertch]

KIRK: Yeah, they'll be boarding the ship in about ten minutes, killing anyone who looks human.

Simple yet hilarious.

 

[Gertch]

Kid: "You Facebook guys take your Mafia Wars a little too seriously, huh."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Women don't get enjoyment out of sex. They do it out of obligation. Always remember that."

Spock: "And this coded foot-tapping is well known in homosexual circles?"
Old Kirk: "I WAS TAKIN' A FUCKIN' DUMP!"

 

[Isis]

Botox use --and medical malpractice suits -- persisted into the 23rd Century.

 

[Isis]

Sulu: "Sir, I think I've found a solution until Dr. McCoy finds an antidote. I ran into two Northwest pilots who have some time on their hands."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Shatmandu, glad your boy is doing okay.

Sulu: New ears and new eyebrows, but Doc couldn't do anything about that cheap rug of yours.
Kirk: Now, now, Mr. Sulu. That's no way to talk about Lieutenant Uhura.
Uhura: Yeah, that's no way--hey, waitaminute!

 

[Maurice]

SHATNER: Well, in this timeline Lenny went over to Mission Impossible a season early, so now I'm a two-fer!

EVIL SPOCK: Where are those those transmissions you intercepted? What have you done with those plans?
BONES: Why are you breathing like that?

SHATNER: These Desilu crossover episodes are getting tedious.
KID: Shhh! Here comes Robert Stack!

OLD SPOCK: Mr. Sulu, I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed...eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."
OLD KIRK: But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.

 

[Tribble]

Spock: Fourty-two.
Scotty: Fourty-one?
McCoy: Fourty-two!
Scotty: Ah, crap.
Spock: Ninety-eight.
Scotty: He's straight?
McCoy: Ninety-eight!
Scotty: Oh.
Spock: Seventeen.
Blonde Redskirt: Bingo!

Boy: Why does your friend look so uncomfortable?
Kirk: Because he's wearing a hat that's not tailored for Vulcan ears and trousers that are not tailored for a Vulcan... package.

 

[Tribble]

Kirk: Uhura, are you cold or are your boobs just happy to see me?

McCoy, thinking: Okay, the Kirk/Spock slash fics are sort of amusing, but this is seriously weird...

 

[Triskelion]

Chekov: Sir, don't you think dressing up like a Wulcan for Halloween is a bit...racist?
Kirk: Save it Ivan, that crap only works on these two.
Uhura: Wha...?

McCoy: Did you wash your hands?
Spock: Why?

Say mister, what's with your goon?
What do you mean?
Why does he keep scratching himself on both sides?
Shut up kid. Let me know when you see Floyd. Guy owes us a bowl cut and a chest wax.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "All I'll say is: never pass out drunk when you're with Dr. McCoy in a Romulan-themed titty bar."

Mirror Spock: "I do need a new bowling ball ..."

Kirk: "Don't trust a woman. When you've got one in your room and you have to take a shit, make her stand outside the bathroom and clap her hands so she can't steal."
<Spock winces.>

 

[johcomp]

Kirk softly: "Yeah, so hobgoblin-lover Uhuru's tellin me that Mirror Sulu was like into her and she tells him like, man that's so much better, cos our Sulu - he's into East German Men and all that gay shit, then she goes on about Vulcan bearded bifurcated Double Pen somethin, the slut and....they're behind me aren't they....."
Chekov nods

Kirk softly: "Oh crap."
Louder: "Hey guys, like my new ears?!"

Shatner: I'm so wonderful, I can play Kirk AND Spock at the same time!!

Nimoy: (off screen) Prick!

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Later, I'll be wearing my Romulan regulation miniskirt and go-go boots."

 

[johcomp]

Kirk: "Where's Bob Hoskins and that giant cartoon rabbit?."
Spock: "Wrong movie, fuckhead!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Little Al: "In a fight, I usually just go for the throat or the nuts."
Kirk: "Best thing to do is something I call the Butt-Punch. Spock, stand by that lamp post for a moment ..."

Kirk: "Gun safeties are for pussies. Always remember that."

Kirk: "Strippers? Oh, shit, kid, I got hundreds of stories about strippers."
Spock: "Captain, for God's sake ..."

 

[Shatmandu]

Chekov: "Greetings to our new Romulan ship commander. Our command codes are ..."
Kirk: "Back to your post, fuckhead."