TOS Caption Contest #147: Woman Troubles

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

I know, I know: I'm later than the Octomom's period. We took a no-way-we're-traveling-far-with-two-young-kids vacation last week, and my Honey Do list turned into a Honey Do This Stuff If You Ever Hope To Get Laid Again list.

My garage is clean, but my contest is late.

Anyhoot, here we go. Lots of multiple winners, some great first time winners, and a lot of fun. As much as I love our regular posters, I also very much enjoy when new folks chime in.

(And every time I pick an image that I think won't work, like this week's "Kirk Busts His Ass" shot, you folks kick the shit out of it.)

The Winners are:

With the universal translators non-functional, their last hope of communication was the break-dance.

Scotty: Aye, now that's a salute.

What does this button marked "Hammer Time" do?

Chekov: " ... the antimatter charges are in place, in one years time Ceti Alpha Six will explode."

And then a shitload of photoshop winners, because I can't decide:

Kirk: One last time, Sulu, hands off the projector!

Annual Enterprise Soccer Tournament

CHEKOV: "Kepten, please tell Mister Sulu to get out of MY seat."

Diamond Jim & Carl are back!

JJKirk: We've got to help them, Bones! They don't wax the deck like this in their universe!

Sulu (excited): I had no idea you were in the Rockettes, Captain...

Kirk: Goddamned Roger Korby.

Kirk: Say hello to my little friend!

Internet memes take their football seriously.

Great stuff! I have a suspicion Slippery Kirk will pop up here and there again.

After spending nine days straight with my wifeThis week's foolery is:

And the WTF bonus shot:

Joe, girly


TOS Caption Contest Pantheon of Winners

26138 (2x)
A beaker full of death (4x)
Adam Ihle (4x)
AlphaTrionTJW
Alrik (2x)
Alyssa (3x)
ancient
Atavachron (2x)
Bad Atom (2x)
Battrekker
brian
Cakes488
CaptainJon
captain crow (4x)
Captain Kate (2x)
Classic Fan
commodore64
cooleddie74 (23x)
cultcross
Cuhl
DeafPoet
Defcon (2x)
Deranged Nastat
Diesel Micky Dolenz (12x)
Dohlman
DrBob (14x) ***BIG DOUBLE WINNER!***
DS9Sega (7x)
EliyahuQeoni (3x)
EnsignHarper (2X)
FishDS9
galleywest (4x)
Gary7 (2x)
Gertch (26x)
goldbug (3x)
Guartho
Haggis and Tatties
Hambone (2x)
highlander (12x)
Isis (2X)
Jackson_Roykirk
J. Allen (2x)
jayrath
Jeri
Johnnyracefan (2x)
John_Picard (4x)
jptrekker (3x)
Kahloke
Kegek (2x)
Kirby (2x)
KJM
Mallory (4x)
MGagen
middyseafort (10x)
Mistral (2x)
Mojochi
M'Sharak (14x)
NCC-1701 (7x)
Nebusj
Nerys Myk (37x)
Noname Given (2x)
NTRPRZ
Outpost4 (16x)
Quo Vadimus
Rat Boy (45!x)
Redfern
SciFi75 (5x)
scottydog (24x)
Sector 7
seigezunt (2x) ****DOUBLE TIME ON FIRST WIN!****
Shatmandu (25x)
Shaw (4x)
shivkala
Sir Rhosis (2x)
S'Kai
Sovay
SRFX ***FIRST TIME BIG WINNER!!!***
ssosmcin
Super Grover
Tallis Rhul
Tan Ru (2x) ***BIG WINNER!***
T'Bonz (8x)
T'Girl (2x) ***BIG WINNER!***
terranova
Tharpdevenport (3x)
the 4th hanson bro (4x)
TheGallifreyanSith
The Badger (2x) ***BIG WINNER!***
The Castellan
The Cutest of Borg (2x)
The Laughing Vulcan (20x)
The Old Mixer
The Squire of Gothos (11x)
The Tone (2x)
TigerOfDarkness (2x)
Tim M (3x)
Toban Kal
Tribble (6x) ****SECOND-IN-A-ROW DOUBLE WINNER!****
Triskelion (27x) ***YET ANOTHER THREE! ***
Tristan
Turbo (2x)
UssGlenn
vassa
Ward Fowler (4x)
Woulfe (4x)
Yeoman Randi
Zachery Smith

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "I don't see a ring on my finger ..."

Spock: "Rules are rules, Doctor: you lost the hand, so remove your pants."

Dr. Noel: "It's a penis. But it's a small penis."

Kirk: "I'm going to follow this road into town. You want to come along?"
Gorn: "Think there's pizza?"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Whatever you did to my bifurcated penis, Miss Uhura, is making it very difficult to cross my legs.
Uhura: You sure didn't complain last night, mister.

Spock: There is no denying it, doctor. We all saw you "rub one out", as Mr. Scott might put it, underneath the table.

Helen Noel: I'm pregnant. Aren't you happy, Jim?
Kirk (under his breath): Shit.

Kirk: Whelp, we better get on with it. Bill and Ted are due any minute to be thrown off the peak above us.

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "No, Lieutenant. I did not... perform for the Spockettes."

Spock: "It is time to go, Doctor. Has your erection subsided yet?"

McCoy: "Make her leave the room and problem solved."

Dr. Noel: "Umm... the game is more challenging if you make me guess what's behind your back when you're turned the other way."

And in the next episode of Gorn vs. Wild....

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: Plomeek soup again?

KELINDA: Hello!!!! Sexy woman in tight clothes standing over here!!!

KIRK (thinking): I gotta stop going to Christmas Parties

KIRK: Wow, I didn't know you were visiting Vulcan too!

 

[Cuhl]

For all their great power, the Metrons had no idea how to run a staring contest.

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "Judging by the cushion's indentations, the Captain's buttocks is 4.3 centimeters wider than my own."

Uhura, exasperated: "What could be more fascinating."

Spock: "Picard and his assless chaps... left an unfortunate... deposit."

Captain's log, supplemental. After a successful first contact with the Gorn, relations then took a terrible turn for the worse. In Gorn society, nude jumping jacks are an act of war.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "I'm just saying I've never had erectile disfunction with any other woman, so maybe it's your fault."

Spock: "There was no sock on the doorknob."
McCoy: "Wasn't even a doorknob."
Kirk, hissing: "Wouldyoutwojustgetthefuckout?"

Helen Noel: "Yeah, my mother's fat. She's like a basketball with a marble on top. She looked just like me at this age."

Kirk: "You find any toilet paper?"
Gorn: "MY ... JUMPER ... USED TO BE ... A FULL-LENGTH GOWN ..."

Spock: "Well, then, when your period's over, call me. I'll be at Christine's place." <stands, leaves>

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Little help?"

 

[milo bloom]

Spock: "Dr. McCoy, I may only have sex once every seven years, but even I know to put away my Pokemon cards when a female is present."

Kirk: "What's touching me?"

Noel: "Merry Christmas!"

Kirk: "Yeesh! I can smell it over here! What did you eat?!"

Gorn: "The previous captain, after he criticized my flatulence."

Kirk: "..."

 

[UssGlenn]

Uhura: "I wonder if I should have taken him up on that offer to go out back at the Academy."

Spock: "Really Doctor, Three-Dimensional Checkers?."
McCoy: "You try concentrating with your opponent dressed like that."

Kirk: "I hope she doesn't notice my insignia is on crooked."

Tonight on SyFy, WWE-UPF edition

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock: "Your threats do not worry me, Lieutenant. The captain already knows I sit in his chair when he's gone."

Uhura: "We'll see."

Noel: "Do you remember anything about the Christmas party?"

Kirk: "I remember...waking up with my balls painted red..."

Noel: "Actually, that was Max Factor #704, 'Pink Flame." Took almost two complete bottles!"

Kirk: "So you're the Gorn."

Gorn: "What's that mean to you, Kirk?"

Kirk: "I've heard about you."

Gorn: "What have you heard, Kirk?"

Kirk: "I've heard that you're a low-down Yankee liar."

Gorn (grinning): "Prove it."

 

[MANT!]

Tonight on Celebrity Deathmatch.. William Shatner Vs. Leonard Nimoy in a lizard suit

Ref..Get it On!!

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Not trimming your nether-regions for six months is illogical."
Uhura, whispering: "I will not discuss this here."

Spock: "She didn't hear your mumbled invitation for a 'mustache ride', Doctor ..."

Noel: "I'll bet Rand never wore skirts so short you could check for snow on her peak, did she?"

Kirk: "And it's called 'pegging'?"
Noel: "Yep!"
Kirk: "I didn't know there was a name for it. I've felt so alone ..."

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks for the wins Shatmandu!

Uhura: If you think I'm going to go to your quarters tonight just to get you to stop farting, you're mistaken.
Spock: The night is young. And the fiesta buffet was all you can eat.

Kirk: Have we done it before?
Yeoman: I don't know. Does it burn when you pee?

Kirk: I thought you were bringing the net and ball.
Gorn: What did you bring?
Kirk: I brought the hard boiled eggs.

 

[SRFX]

Thanks for win!

Kirk: "Man! This scene is going to look even better remastered in HD!"
Gorn: "High fives!"

 

[Odo's Bucket]

Spock "I smelled it, therefore, logically I dealt it."

I couldn't think of a Pon Farr this one.

Kirk "And that's the reason I overcompensate, and the real reason I call McCoy 'Bones'".

Kirk - "Where's the damn car, gone?"

.

 

[Tribble]

Kirk: Your place or mine?

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK and GORN: Do you know where there's a gas station?

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "Ms Uhura, as you know, I am a telepath. Therefore, if you continue to mentally undress me on the bridge, I must insist that you use your teeth."

Kelinda: "I'm pregnant."
Kirk: "Bones?"
McCoy: "Spock?"
Spock: "Captain?"
Kirk: "Stupid foursomes!"

Kirk: "My pants, Dr Noel..."
Dr. Noel: "Not until you turn around and salute me."

Kirk: "Hey Gorn, sod this Metron shit. I don't want war, I'm guessing you don't want war. Let's talk this out. I'm sure we can compromise."
Gorn: "Very well human, let us talk."
Kirk: "Just hold on a minute first. I need to drain the lizard. No offense."
Gorn: "And you are one of their diplomats?"