TOS Caption Contest #147: Woman Troubles

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: The Enchanted Bunny card, doctor?

 

[The Badger]

Food slot Cat is watching McCoy masturbate.

 

[Rat Boy]

Food slot Cat is watching McCoy masturbate.

Scotty (off camera): "Aye, they're in the machinery."

 

[Shatmandu]

How the Mirror-Universe "Arena" ends.

Kirk: "It goes like this: 'Cinderella, dressed in yellow; Went upstairs to kiss a fellow; Made a mistake; And kissed a snake; How many doctors; Did it take?'"
Gorn: "That sshit'ss racisst."

Gorn: "I think ... the Metronsss ... are fucking with usss ..."

Kirk: "They're definitely fucking with us."

Coy and Vance: "YEEEEE--HAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!"

 

[UssGlenn]

Kirk: "Wait a second, we're on location. Why are our shadows pointing two different directions?"

 

[M'Sharak]

Kirk: Do you hear Spanish trumpets?


or:

Kirk: Sooo... are you supposed to be Lee Van Cleef or Eli Wallach?
Gorn Captain: Eassssstwood...
Kirk: Aw, crap.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Spock: "I believe I found Mr. Sulu's Adult toy ..."

Spock: "I get sloppy seconds."

Dr. Noel: "They're real! and they're spectacular!."

Gorn:"We should have blown your planet up back in your 1983 but Diana Fucked up!"

 

[Maurice]

Kirk: "Wait a second, we're on location. Why are our shadows pointing two different directions?"

GORN: You're one of thosssse Moon Landing Hoax believerssss, aren't you?

SPOCK: Lieutenant, take a report.
UHURA: Take it where?

SPOCK: For the last time, Doctor, tell us what card you put in the food synthesizer to get her.

KIRK: When I said I liked green chicks this wasn't exactly what I had in mind.
GORNETTE: Kisssssss me, my ssssssweet baboo!

KIRK: Who are you?
NOEL: I am Pussy Galore.
KIRK: (looks away and smiles) I must be dreaming...

KIRK: You don't look anything like your Match.com picture, Miss Noel.
.

 

[Tribble]

Hooker: Who wants to go first?
Kirk: Actually we...
McCoy: ... prefer to do it...
Spock: ... all together.

Spock: Miss Uhura, that chewing gum you had earlier and that you spat on the floor... would you please remove it from my boot?

 

[Isis]

Uhura: "You men are all alike, whatever planet you come from. I checked with Chapel and that 'T'Pring' thing you were screaming out is NOT a mathematical theorem!"

Kelinda: "Mr. Kirk, I'm the fashion police and I'm here to arrest you for being too sexy for your shirt."

Helen: "That was peachy. Can we go steady?" Kirk (to himself): @#&#&!

 

[S'kai]

The struggle to implement the metric system laid waste to the entire southwest of the continent.

 

[Isis]

Nimoy: "Bill, would you just get over yourself? Hardly anybody watches this show, and forty years from now they won't remember you prancing around with that girdle sucking your gut in and puffing your chest out."

 

[The Badger]

Helen: I'm sorry Jim, I thought you'd like motorboating with a firm pair.
Kirk: Firm? They're like granite. That....hurt!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "What do you call a fat wookiee?

...

... Chubbacca!"

crickets

Kirk: "Thank you very much, I'm here all week. Try the lobster."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Helen: I'm sorry Jim, I thought you'd like motorboating with a firm pair.
Kirk: Firm? They're like granite. That....hurt!

Helen: "I call them my Vasquez Rocks"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: That thing. You did. Makes me feel uncomfortable.
Helen Noel: It's called "milking the prostate." And it looked like you enjoyed it.
Kirk: That's what makes me uncomfortable. I enjoyed it--too much.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "Say after me, she sells seashells on the seashore."
Gorn: "Ssssssshhheeeeee sssssssssellllssssss sssssseeeeeaaasssssheelllllssssssss on the ssssseeeaaaasssssshore."
Kirk: "It's like steam escaping."

 

[Triskelion]

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk, in voice-over: "My plan is to wait until the Gorn goes and squats on a hot rock, then I'll bash his fucking head in."

Gorn: "If you make this easy for me, I'll forgo the corpse-eating."

 

[John Picard]

Kirk: "Of course we take our clothes off; otherwise, they wouldn't be *nude* jumping jacks."