Let's parody all ten movies!

[Aldo]

The recent Nemesis bashing thread was really fun, but I think it's too easy to parody Nemesis, so I thought I'd start this thread and we could poke fun at any of the previous ten movies

I'm gonna repost my thread from the Nemesis thread to start us off:

Data: The B-4 is physically identical to me, although his neural pathways are not as advanced. But even if they were, he would not be me.
Picard: How can you be sure?
Data: He doesnt have it where it counts. If you know what I mean.
----------------------------------------

Data: I must deactivate you.
B-4: For how long?
Data: Indefinitely.
B-4: How long is tha...
Data: A long time brother...or untill the sequel.
----------------------------------------

Janeway: Jean-Luc, how would you like a trip to Romulus?
Picard: And how would you like to suck my cock?

Remember, this is all in good fun

 

[Trekker4747]

The Nemesis thread WAS a lot of fun!

Kirk: Scotty, I'm ready to board.
Scotty: Aye sir. But first how about I take you the long way around and fly your around the ship for 20 minutes before we set about on our mission where time is of the essence?

------------
Riker: Welcome back aboard, sir.
Picard: What the hell happened here Number One?
Riker: Well, you see there was this Bird of Prey...
Picard: Oh man, you've got to be fucking kidding me.

 

[new_mercury]

McCoy: How come you don't know row row row your boat.
Spock: how many Vulcan songs do you know doctor?
McCoy: why you green bloodied.........
Spock: It is illogical to refer to my blood so often. Red blood.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Guinan: Well, since time has no meaning here, you can go anywhere, anytime.

Picard: I know EXACTLY where I want to go. On the mountaintop on Veridian III, just before Soran destroys the star. When I was trapped under all those fucking boulders and he was shooting at me.

----------------------------

Decker: I'm going to key in the code manually!

McCoy: Decker! You don't know what that will do to you!

Decker: Yes I do, Doctor. And hopefully I'll take a few of you assholes with me!


-------------------------

Kirk: I'm taking over the center seat, Will.

Decker: You're what?!?!?

Kirk: I'm taking command of the Enterprise. You'll stay on as my personal bitch.

Decker: You personally are assuming command?

Kirk: Yeah.

Decker: May I ask why?

Kirk: My experience. My familiarity with this ship and it's crew.

Decker: Admiral, this is almost a totally new Enterprise, you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground. And most of the crew was reassigned.

 

[jayrath]

After dying on Veridian, Starfleet reanimates Kirk by bombing the planet with the Genesis Device. Reanimated, Kirk is assigned one more time to the Enterprise, because she's the only ship in the quadrant. The danger? Picard has had a vision of the God of Shaka Ri, and is now riding his space dune buggy towards earth, looking for whales.

Worf by now is Klingon chancellor, and he's trying to get his forehead wrinkles stretched out by that icky machine from INS. But he's assassinated by rogue Starfleet officers secretly directed by Picard's secret clone and by Spock's secret brother.

Decker, grief stricken after putting the moves on Shinzon (he thought he was Deltan) joins with Data and creates a new life form, B4, even as Picard arrives for whales.

Kirk replaces Worf's Katra with engrams from B4. It's a pretty fair job, but Worf now talks backwards, spouting gibberish such as, "To my planet welcome," and "You here are new."

Kirk runs back in time and joins with a creaky Zephram Cochrane to catch some humpacks. After delivering the whales to his former commander, Worf breaks all the little model dune buggies on Picard's wall.

 

[Aldo]

^^^So...very...random.

And hilarious!

 

[Holytomato]

Spock: I have a...brother.

McCoy: Really?

Spock: ...Yes.

Kirk: I knowforafact...you don'thaveabrother!

Spock: I have a...half brother.

McCoy: Oh brother...

Uhuru: I have a half aunt 40 times removed on my father's sister's uncle's turtle's former college roommate's gynocologist's side.

Chekov: Wasn't that retconned in Pocket Books' Lost Era series to be your half turtle 50 times removed on your great aunt's mother's brother's dog's former college laundry basket's sock.

Scotty: No, that was in the Remastered version.

Chapel: Nah, the Reboot.

Jason: Remake!

Gwen: Retooling!

Fred: Re constitute!

Guy: Re high...heel!

Tommy: Baby got back!

Alex: Never!

Sulu: Want some lima beans?

 

[ancient]

TMP:

ADMIRAL 1: "There's a god-like entity aproaching Earth, destroying all in its path."

ADMIRAL 2: "We could mobilize all of starfleet and meet it with 1000 ships."

ADMIRAL 1: "...Screw it, let's send Kirk, he's experienced at getting gods to self-destruct."

 

[new_mercury]

Kirk: 'you Klingon bastard you killed my son'

Kruge: 'Oh Great Scott i'm terrbily sorry. I really am. Let's jump into my DeLorean, go into the past, save him and then come Back to the Future.

Kirk: 'no i've got a better idea i'll kill you nick your ship and go find me some Whales from the past'

Kruge: 'that works too Marty'

 

[Broccoli]

ST4

Scotty: There be whales here, captain. Delicious whales...mmmm....whales...

 

[DonIago]

TMP

Kirk- This screensaver kicks ass!

Uhura- Actually....Sir...that's the inside of Vejur.

Kirk- Whoa, no way. Really?

TWoK

Kirk after his 'KHAAAAN!' moment- So...I think I've almost got it...sing it with me? 'There's a phaser in the hand of the man with an eel in his head in the middle of a dead planet...'

TSFS

McCoy- That green-blooded son of a bitch, it's his revenge for all those arguments he lost.

Kirk- Yes Bones, I'm sure that was it. Nevermind that he was about to turn himself into a crispy critter and might want to stay alive.

TVH

Scotty- There be whales here!

Kirk- Scotty, that's wonderful! The first step is admitting you have a problem!

TFF

God- The ship. Bring it...closer...

Kirk- You must be ship...I mean Shat-, I mean, shitting me!

TUC

Kirk- Let them die!

Spock- Jim...if we let them die, the Enterprise-D won't be destroyed in the next film, and Captain Picard and his crew will have to run through several sequels with a ship that's not considered flashy enough.

Kirk- (sigh) You're right, we have no choice.

GEN

Riker as the saucer's about to crash- Damn you James T. Kirk!!!

FC

Riker after the Borg cube's been destroyed- Good thing Kirk didn't let the Klingons die, or we'd still be stuck on the D. Never could have blown up the Borg that way.

Picard- Let it go, Will.

INS

Riker- You think it's possible for two people to go back in time, undo a mistake they've made?

Troi- Let it go, Will.

NEM

Picard- The crew has responded with the dedication I've come to expect from them... And like a thousand other commanders on a thousand other battlefields, I wait for the dawn.

Data- It should be noted, Sir, that there is no dawn in space.

Picard- If you weren't going to be dead soon...

 

[Maurice]

Ilia: My oath of celibacy is on record, sir. May I assume my duties?

Kirk: By all means.

Ilia: But, sir, you are sitting in my chair with your pants down.

Kirk: Speaking of those duties...

--------

Khan: Never told you how the Enterprise found the Botany Bay, lost in space from the year 1996...

Terrell: But Lost in Space started in 1997...and where's your Robot? And that wily Dr. Smith?

Chekov: Please...the eels...

--------

Kirk: You're suffering from a Vulcan mind meld, Doctor.

McCoy: That explains the why I keep arguing with myself.

Kirk: No, that's senility.

--------

Gillian: Where you boys headed?

Kirk: Back to San Francisco.

Gillian: Look behind you at the bridge...you're already IN San Francisco, dumbass.

She drives off

Kirk: Well, triple dumbass on you!

--------

Admiral Bob: Other captains, yes. I need Jim Kirk.

Entire crew: OH PLEASE!

Kirk: Hey! That's My line!

--------

Uhura: What about all that equipment we have on board for cataloguing gaseous anamolies?

Spock: That's Excelsior.

Uhura: Ok...we're dead.

--------

Soran: Time is the fire in which we burn.

Picard: Hey! Get that lighter away from my Plaything Calendar!

--------

Troi: Do your boobs feel firmer?

Crusher: For the last time, no! And keep your mitts off me!

--------

B4: <singing> ...nothing but blue skies...

Picard: (sighs) I guess Old Yellow Eyes is back.

 

[Therin of Andor]

KIRK: Lieutenant, have you changed your face?

ST III SAAVIK: It's still regulation, Admiral.

 

[Kadratis]

Therin of Andor said:
KIRK: Lieutenant, have you changed your face?

ST III SAAVIK: It's still regulation, Admiral.

Best one yet. :thumbsup:

 

[CommanderTrip]

STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT
FINAL ACT
U.S.S. ENTERPRISE NCC-1701-E
Main Bridge

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Initiate auto-destruct sequence. Authorization: Picard, 4 7 Alpha Tango.

Computer: Working...... *POP UP* You have just one 2 free IPOD NANO's....

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Computer, close and continue

Dr. Beverly Crusher: Computer, Commander Beverly Crusher.. Confirm auto-destruct sequence. Authorization: Crusher, 2 2 Beta Charlie.

Computer: Do you wish to sign up for our free newsletter containing the lastest news, gossip and rumors for all Paramount Products?

Dr. Beverly Crusher: No. Continue.

Lt. Commander Worf: Computer, Lieutenant Commander Worf. Confirm auto-destruct sequence. Authorization: Worf, 3 7 Gamma Echo.

Computer: LCARS Firefox Self Destruct Widget Ver. 2.516.05 has been updated! To continue, please close the previous running version and restart. Thank you for using Mozilla LCARS!

Lt. Commander Work: Grrr....

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Computer, cancel Auto-destruct and reinitiate sequence. Authorization Picard 4 7 Alpha Tango.

Computer: *LAG* *FROZEN SCREEN*

Dr. Beverly Crusher: Try Ctrl+Alt+Del.....

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: NOOOOOOO!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *slams phaser rifle into lily's face, knocking her unconcious* I will not open the task manager and be delayed any futher. We've made too many compromises already; too many retreats. Pop up ads invade our space and we fall back. We surf the web and get bogged down with spyware, and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!

Computer: Command authorization accepted. Awaiting final command.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Destruct sequence: Alpha 1. 15 minutes, silent countdown. Enable.

Computer: Are you sure you want to continue? Blowing up the ship may cause you to lose all of your unsaved work.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Proceed

Computer: Auto-destruct in 15 minutes. There will be no further audio warnings.

Dr. Beverly Crusher: So much for the Enterprise-E.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: We barely knew her.

Dr. Beverly Crusher: Think they'll ever build another one?

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I'm not too worried about it to be honest Beverly.

Lt. Commander Worf: Why not sir?

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Several reasons. The first being that Deanna is not at the helm. The next being that I am not longer "Diplomat" Picard, but rather "Rambo" Picard with 25 percent more ass kicking. Last, but certainly not least, Data will be able to come up with a solution to our problem that will use the main deflector to fire some strange energy beam which will fix everything.

Lt. Commander Worf: But sir, Commander Data was taken by the borg a couple hours ago..... we also don't have a deflector anymore, we destroyed that about 15 minutes ago.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Oh.... well..... shit..... Why are we standing around then? Let's haul ass to the escape pods, shall we?

Lily Sloane: Ugh, my head....

 

[CommanderTrip]

Romulan Martha Stewart: I don't know about this Shinzon.... I think these drapes would suit the thalaron chamber much better.....

Sinzon: Silence wench! I want sharp pointy things to adorn the walls of this room. Sharp pointy things that are easily bendable, and oh yes, make sure they are really, really long.... and sharp....

Romulan Martha Stewart: *sigh*







-------------------------
Data: Do you think this is a wise course of action, sir?
Picard: Data, Less Talky, more drivey, ok?

 

[KJM]

STAR TREK III

Stiles: Initiate transwarp drive.

(The Excelsior suddenly shudders as one of its nacelles explodes.)

Stiles: What the hell -!?

Computer: WARNING - ANTIMATTER CONTAINMENT IS FAILING

Stiles: All hands, abandon ship. Repeat -!

(The Excelsior explodes. Meanwhile, the Enterprise's sensors pick up this explosion.)

Scotty: ...oops.

 

[Trekker4747]

ST:3

Styles walks onto the Excelsior bridge.

"Report!"
"The Enterprise is... What the hell is that?"
"What?"
"That!" (points to object in Styles' hand.)"
"Oh, this? This is a swagger stick."
"I know that. Why do you have it?"
"I fought a Klingon Chancelor and..."
"No, no, no. I don't care about that. Why is it HERE?"
"Because I like carrying it."
"Don't you think it makes you look like a tool?"
"Well, I..."
(another crewman) "Captain, are you trying to compensate for something?"
"What do you mean, Lieutenant?"
"... Nothing, nevermind."

Star Trek IV:
Kirk: Mr. Sulu, is that a fucking CAPE you're wearing?

 

[cardinal biggles]

^Sulu: Yes.
Kirk: Why?
Sulu: Because I'm the goddamn Batman.
Kirk: ...right...

 

[Star Treks]

CommanderTrip: Genius.