Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption Contest #240: The One Where Tuvok, Paris and the EMH are Marooned on a Desert Planet

[tharpdevenport]

Explosive diarrhea.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Mistress Janeway: "Q, it's your turn."

7 of 9: "Captain, isn't it wrong to use the planets of innocent alien races in a game of galactic polo?"

Mistress Janeway: "I've already screwed over a few billions people -- another trillion or so won't matter much."

Torres: Singing, "Life forms, you precious little life forms..."

"Captain, I belive this is a class P planet..."

 

[tharpdevenport]

7 of 9: "Captain, I have located the interstellar bunghole."

Janeway: "Suggestions?"

Chacotay: "T.P. for the bunghole."

Chacotay: "What does the red coloration on screen indicate?"

Torres: "The interstellar bunghole is inflamed."

Chacotay: "Why?"

Janeway: "Unfortunately, I let Neelix make first contact and he gave it leeola root. Janeway to Bridge -- locate Lt. Preparation H. Norman and have him report to me immediately. Bring two tubes."

 

[Oddish]

What's next? A phaser enema? Two words you probably don't want to hear together...

 

[tharpdevenport]

No, of course not, there's a warning label on the phaser handle that clearly indicates: WARNING: Not for internal use.

 

[Orac]

7 of 9: Look at the size of that thing.
Torres: it's just a hologram.
Janeway: Did you get that thing I sent you?

Later

Chakotay: Where'd th' motherfucken cheese go at?
Janeway: I don't know. Did you get that thing I sent you?

 

[Tosk]

Chakotay "Very funny. I'm trying to concentrate on this."
Janeway "No seriously, just smell my fingers..."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Torres: "And when you put all the disks in, it releases pleasure into your brain."

Janeway: "LOL, I already get pleasure from drinking coffee and denying Kim a promotion. I can't believe the crew of the Enterprise were that stupid. We're smarter than that. Now, have Mr. Paris set a course for that planet full of women who obviously want Harry, tell the Borg I agree to a deal, and let the giant space alien know that we'll gladly fly into its belly."

 

[Orac]

Janeway: C'mon! No one will ever see.

 

[Orac]

Chakotay: I seen it!
Janeway: Say it with me Chakotay: There's no such thing as a cock rocket.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: " What the frak is so important -- my granny lips were making sweet weeet love to my coffee cup. What in the world is that thing?"

7 of 9: "Captain, it appears long-range sensors have stumbled upon a black hole so massive, so dense that even ten light years from it an object is sucked in faster than the speed of light, shreded even passed the subatomic level to the point particles don't even exist, as if God himself erased an object from the universe."

Mistress Janeway Mode: Slams comm badge, "Janeway to Ensign Kim -- we've located your promotion pip; please report to the shuttle bay..."

 

[tharpdevenport]

7 of 9: "Captain, I have located where the cheese has gone."

Janeway: "Another mystery solved. Now if we can just find out who let the dogs out."

 

[tharpdevenport]

7 of 9: "As you can see in this spectral graph, Lt. Tuvok farted so hard that he tore the very fabric of the space/time continuum. However, his anus survived."

 

[Orac]

Tuvok's space/time continuum tearing fart as seen from Delta Vega.

 

[Orac]

Vulcan has no moon, it was destroyed by Tuvok's flatulence.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Robert Picardo: Inner monologue, "If only I cared. If only I could just care. Lord, seven years of this crap. Oh, goodie, looks like he's filming a scene for a 24th century porno, delivering replicator pizza. Lord..."

 

[Orac]

Tom: Surely we can't stay in the shuttle; we'll be asphyxiated by Tuvok's uncontrollable flatulence.
EMH: You'll be asphyxiated, I'll be able to smell it indefinitely. And don't call me Shirley.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

EMH: "Would you lay off the "Old Space" already? My olfactory subroutines are overloading!"

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Maintenance officer (offscreen): "Pardon me, sir, but that transparent aluminum window won't stay transparent very long if you keep touching it..."

 

[Tiran O'Saurus]

There's my stupid WormholeDash guy! Took him long enough.