Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #553: Visitors!

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new thread, with many winners!

First up to the plate, we have the "What about Sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads?" Award, going to @Mr Soak for:

Mercer: You expect the banana to slice?
Doctor Aronov*: No Captain Mercer, I expect it to squish.


Next, we have the "Jumping Forums" Award, going to @Catarina for:

Picardo: damnit Catarina, you dropped the ball on our April fools Caption Contest. I had to come over here. Sorry...


Next, we have the "Always look o the bright side of life" Award, going to @Nerys Myk for:

MERCER: As hair salons go, the service is terrible but the coffee is incredible

Next, we have the "Criminal Activities" Award, going to @JirinPanthosa for:

ISAAC: It appears there are outstanding warrants on the Captain for plagiarism in ten different star systems. Springfield IV, Greendale VI, ...
ED: Thank you, Mr Isaac. Sheesh, some people have no sense of humor.


Next, we have the "Crossovers IN SPACE" Award, going to @inflatabledalek for:

The robot redesign for the new Lost in Space proved controversial.


Next, we have the "Dangerous Man" Award, going to @Bry_Sinclair for:

Finn: Shit, we're all going to be murdered now!


Next, we have the "Not getting the deposit back on that one" Award, going to @Finn for:

Worf: I'm not a Jolly Rancher! *smashes ukulele*
Geordi: You mean a Merry Man. Jolly Rancher's an ancient hard candy.
Worf: *mutters as he walks back and picks up a new ukulele and walks back to the tree*
Geordi: *stares*
Worf: "I'm not a merry man!" as he smashes the ukulele....


Next, we have the "Avoiding Responsibility" Award, going to @Nerys Myk for:

PICARD: That stain was on the floor when I checked in, so I'd better not be charged for cleaning it.


Next, we have the "Why was the screen set up there anyway?" Award, going to @inflatabledalek for:

Riker: Hmm... sorry Lt. I'm just distracted by how much this looks like the spot at Farpoint station where I took a call from the Captain that one time.


Next, we have the "The beverages of our youth" Award, going to @Catarina for:

lady: My replicated Yoo-hoo!


Next, we have the "Barney Stinson Awesome Mix" Award, going to @huskers57 for:

Shot through the heart!
and you're to blame!
You give Klingons...
A bad name!

 

[LeadHead]

Winners part 2!

First @shivkala :

Captain's Log: This DJ took my request for Taio Cruz's "Dynomite" a little too literally. Maybe I should re-think asking for "Disco Inferno" next.


And @Herbert :

Worf: Personal log, stardate 47391.2. I was returning from the Bat'leth competition on Forcas Three but I seem to have shifted into another reality. The good news is I still have ridges, the bad news it that I look kind of like a rejected model for Discovery Klingons.

3 KBL's!

First, @Cutie McWhiskers :

"Ugly giant bags of mostly water, would you get me a drink? Preferably Everclear, I am so parched."


Second, @tharpdevenport :

Ed: "I can't tell -- is that your we're all gonna die face or your I found another innocuous nebula face?"


Third, @Laura Cynthia Chambers :

Worf: "Do you know a song called "Crunch"?"
La Forge: "No, how does it go?"
Worf: "Like this!"
Crusher: "Walked right into that one. Just sayin'."



Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, lets welcome some guests aboard the Enterprise!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Jarok: Captain Picard, I do not need this escort.

Picard: Quite right, you should have 3 guards watching you.

Worf: Transporter sensors recorded 2 life signs when you beamed up. Why would that be?

Odan: This is amusing, Riker never gets to sit in this chair, but I do.

Data: Geordi, welcome back from Risa. Doctor Crusher requires that any crew returning from there go through Level 18 decontamination. I look forward to seeing you in 3 weeks.

Endar: I'm leaving and don't you dare use my ship design for random other species!

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Did you just shrug? I really can't tell.

DATA: Geordi, the ship has just experienced a warp core breach. Is this really the best time to leave the ship?
GEORDI: I can't think of a better time!

 

[shivkala]

Jarok: Captain, I must submit a formal complaint about my security detail.

Picard: I'm sorry, but the circumstances warrant a guard on you at all times.

Jarok: Oh, I understand that, Captain. However, Lt. Noname? Really? Don't I rate Worf?

Picard: Worf's track record is...less than stellar with guarding guests.

Jarok: Why do you think I want him?

Worf: These controls are dead simple. In fact, it could be completely automated and just respond to voice commands. Chief O'Brien is completely worthless!

K'Ehyler: Chief O'Brien's ineffectiveness aside...didn't you hear that I'm pregnant?

Odan: That outfit is ridiculous!

Riker: With those headdresses, you have little room to critique fashion!

Riker: First Officer's Log--This diplomatic session is going great! I can totally do this!

Odan: You do know that we can hear you record that log, don't you?

Data: Geordi, welcome back from Risa. Doctor Crusher requires that any crew returning from there go through Level 18 decontamination. I look forward to seeing you in 3 weeks.

Data: However, given that it is you, Geordi, she has waived that requirement. As she said, "No use in wasting time to find out that Geordi did not score...again."

Endar: Well, thanks for everything.

Riker: No problem, Fraiser!

Endar: For the last time, I am not Fraiser! I may bear a small resemblance, but it is not me!

Riker: Whatever you say, Captain Morgan Bateson!

Endar: Whatever! Just beam me back where everybody knows my name. I mean, ah, crap!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Admiral Jarok, if you want my trust, you will have to tell me EVERYTHING you know. First, what is up with all the bowl cuts?
JAROK: I WILL TAKE THAT SECRET TO MY GRAVE!

K'ELYHR: I don't have the heart to tell him...how stupid his son is. I'm sure he'll figure it out. Or he might be overly demanding and aloof and not pay attention to anything his son wants when he's not a perfect Klingon. Nah, he's not THAT much of a jerk.

DIPLOMAT: Wait. I thought we were dealing with the spot Trills that are symbiotic with their hosts. You're saying you completely control Commander Riker?
ODAN: Yes.
OTHER DIPLOMAT: And when you had the shuttle accident, you told the doctors to save you, and let your host die.
ODAN: Yes.
DIPLOMAT: And now they're sending you a new body for you to completely control. How is this not slavery?
ODAN: Because we say it's not.

RIKER: Welcome to the Worst Fathers Expo. I believe you know Worf.

 

[Captain Crow]

[squealing and percolating stomach noises]

[Riker sits up and clutches table]

Riker: Ooh. I don't think that week out of date gagh is agreeing with me!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "Um, you know ambassador, I've always found Romulan personnel wear to be most fascinating; can you tell me the history behind it?"

Romulan: "This is my coat; it's fucking cold as fuck in here."

 

[Jedman67]

GEORDI: It's an engineers-only conference in Hawaii on the effects of Ultra Violet exposure on dermatological surfaces. The captain needs you here.
DATA: But you promised to take me!
GEORDI: I"ll be gone only for a week. I"ll take you next time, I promise.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Geordi: "Data, does this uniform make my ass look big? I'm thinking my problem with the ladies may be because of it."

Data: "No, Geordi, it does not."

Geordi: "Oh, thank goodness, for a second there I--"

Data: "The unusually expansive and wide proportions of your posterior exist regardless of the pants; they are merely stretched out by it."

Geordi: "Thanks a lot, Data," with sarcasm.

Data: "You are welcome."

 

[Captain Crow]

Data: I call shotgun.

Geordi: There's only two seats in this thing dipshit.

Picard: What can I do for you Ambassador Flat Stanley?

Riker: Has anyone ever told you you have beautiful eyes?

Diplomat Dan: We don't trust those who don't wear some form of green.

Diplomat Dave: That's right you blue wearing son of a bitch!

Geordi: Suck it bitches! I'm outta here!

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: I feel describing this shuttle as a "Chick Magnet" may be in error.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Geordi: Suck it bitches! I'm outta here!

Data: "Inquiry: use of the word 'it' in the context of your comment."

GEORDI: It's an engineers-only conference in Hawaii on the effects of Ultra Violet exposure on dermatological surfaces. The captain needs you here.
DATA: But you promised to take me!
GEORDI: I"ll be gone only for a week. I"ll take you next time, I promise.

DATA: "Fine! I hope you get kidnapped by Romulans!"

 

[Tenacity]

K'Ehyler: Worf, I have something important to tell you.
Worf: Are you?
K'Ehyler: Yes, completely stuck, the door closed on the back of my armor.
Worf: So this would be a good time to ...
K'Ehyler: Yes, have more wild sex.
Worf: Do we lock the door first?
K'Ehyler: No.

Geordi: When was the shuttle renamed Onizuka?
Data: With the door down it's Planiphonicoramaonizuka.
Geordi: Huh?
Data: Commander Riker's new girlfriend.
Geordi: Right.

 

[Herbert]

K'Ehyler: I've been a baaaaaaad girl

 

[Herbert]

Admiral Jarok: Yes, I know it looks ridiculous but these outfits were designed by a praetor who was self conscious about his..... shall we say less than imperial shoulders and made mandatory for all officers, so here we are.

 

[Herbert]

Ambassador Left: We found these uniforms on Ganymood, er, Ganymede.
Odan: Interesting. I've never seen colors exactly like those. What color are they?
Ambassador Right: Well, they're, er. (peers at it, looks at Ambassador Right) they're green.

 

[tharpdevenport]

K.O. Riker: "Pft -- you're hats don't impress me! You should see what we got goin' on in 10-forward."

 

[Qonundrum]

Picard: "Ensign, please escort our guest to Ten-Forward. He could use a... stiff drink."

Worf: "I understand you are into what humans call 'role playing'..."
K'Ehlyr: "This look of guilt on my face told you all that?"

Guest: "Commander Riker, if you take our hats and turn them upside down, you can use them as flower pots. Put them right side up and paint them red and wear it, you might pass at a Devo convention."

Geordi: "Well, Data?"
Data: "Well 'what', sir? I do not understand. While I did indicate to Tasha that I am fully functional and programmed in many techniques, the size of the shuttle interior is too small. May I suggest you go on a diet? Is that what you are referring to sir"

 

[Mr Soak]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: I don't need Troi to tell that you're tense around the shoulders and neck. You should relax a little. Let your hair down

Worf: Sensors indicate that gagh you had last night didn't digest. The biosecurity systems of the transporters will get it out of your system.

Diplomat's log: 10-Forward has received a complaint from our guests. They believe Guinan's hats exist purely to ridicule them.

LaForge: No matter the door, I have a style all my own. Tha's how I roll.

Riker: A space detective and two uniformed Space Police officers arrived in our transporter room.

Worf: Is that some kind of joke?