How to make a peanut butter sandwich

[LitmusDragon]

Found on another site, thought I'd share.

How to Make a Peanut Butter Sandwich, by the Losties

Jack
1. Gather ingredients
2. Point gun at ingredients and shout "HOW DO I MAKE A SANDWICH OUT OF YOU?!?!?"
3. Breathe heavily through your nose as though you were about to hit ingredients
4. Give up and make the sandwich yourself, and eat it bitterly

Kate
1. Make separate sandwiches, one with peanut butter and one with jelly
2. Take a bite of the peanut butter sandwich, declaring it the best
3. Take a bite of the jelly sandwich, declaring it the best
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 ad infinitum
5. Follow peanut butter or jelly sandwich into grave danger

Sawyer
1. Throw the jar of jelly at wall, sneering "I don't need no sandwich"
2. Call the mascot on the jar of peanut butter lots of clever nicknames
3. Huff and puff and stomp around and grumble a lot
4. When no one's looking, make perfect, even, symmetrical peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sit in a corner, enjoying every bite

Locke
1. Sit idly by, believing that the ingredients will find a way to make a sandwich out of themselves
2. Lose faith and make the sandwich anyway
3. Realize that you were the instrument by which the ingredients chose to make a sandwich after all
4. Run around the room and grab everyone's knives, insisting that their sandwiches will do the same in time

Hurley
1. Make sandwich
2. Eat sandwich
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 ad infinitum

Sayid
1. Procure 23 milligrams of uranium-20
2. Set hadron supercollider to eight megajoules
3. Program a sandwich-making macro using Cobol or Visual Basic
4. Act all tough-like

Desmond
1. Eat sandwich
2. Call the sandwich "brother"
3. Place peanut butter slice over jelly slice
4. Spread jelly on the other slice
5. Spread peanut butter on one slice
6. Take two slices of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly

Ben
1. Steal someone else's sandwich
2. Claim you coerced them into making the sandwich for you all along
3. Say you'll tell them everything if they make you another sandwich
4. Stare at them all creepy-like

Libby
1. Lay out plans for one of the most intricate, fascinating, and delicious sandwiches of all time
2. Just as you start making it, get shot

Danielle
1. Apply peanut butter
2. Disappear for eight months
3. Apply jelly
4. Disappear for eight months
5. Eat sandwich

Claire
1. Mmmmmmm, peanut butter

 

[Jenee]

Sun
1. quietly acquire peanut butter
2. quietly acquire jelly
3. quietly acuire bread
4. quietly threaten ingredients to form a sandwich on their own
5. when confronted with the evidence of said sandwich, act innocent and pretend not to understand.

 

[beneldon]

Artz
1. gather ingredients
2. complain bitterly about how noone helped
3. assemble sandwich while explaining the dangers of diabetes, coronary heart disease, and how carbs are murder.
4 complain bitterly how noone listens to you
5 explode.

 

[Hunter X]

Nikki and Paulo
1. Appear when everyone else is halfway done eating their sandwiches.
2. Act like you were there all along, holding your own half-eaten sandwich.
3. Be hated by everyone.

Vincent
1. Happily run out of the jungle and discover a sandwich on the beach.
2. Bring doom upon the sandwich with your presence.
3. Be loved by everyone.

 

[Jenee]

Richard
1. accept sandwich from Jacob
2. pretend to know everything about the making of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for 150 +/- years
3. get angry at jacob for not telling you why he made the sandwich
4. get a message from dead wife extolling the virtues of faith
5. love jacob again

 

[Jenee]

Juliet
1. find peanut butter
2. convince peanut butter that it's your favorite
3. follow peanut butter and agree with everything peanut butter says
4. lose tract of peanut butter
5. find jelly
6. fall in love with jelly
7. spend three years playing house with jelly
8. meet up with peanut butter
9. convince jelly to follow peanut butter
10. detonate bomb to prove peanut butter is correct

 

[Jenee]

this is fun. almost as good as those letters.

I love these kinds of threads

 

[RoJoHen]

Charlie
1. Develop deadly peanut allergy that only Desmond knows about
2. Attempt to eat sandwich, only to have Desmond knock it out of his hand
3. Attempt to eat sandwich, only to have Desmond knock it out of his hand
4. Attempt to eat sandwich, only to have Desmond knock it out of his hand
5. Confront Desmond
6. Desmond explains, "I've tried, brotha, but no matter what I do...you're gonna eat the sandwich and die, Charlie."
7. Attempt to stay away from sandwiches in order to save his own life
8. Realize that someone must eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in order to get everyone rescued
9. Volunteer to eat the sandwich
10. Throw the peanut butter jar at Desmond's face and knock him out
11. Eat the sandwich and die

 

[Hunter X]

Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindeloft
1. Promise to make an even better sandwich than last year.
2. Drop cryptic hints on what brand of peanut butter will be used.
3. Give the viewer a peanut butter sandwich.
4. Viewer complains that it's just filler.
5. Give the viewer a peanut butter and jam sandwich.
6. Viewer says it was better than last week, but so far this year's sandwiches are way worse than last year's.
7. Stall in giving anymore sandwiches for a couple of weeks.
8. Give viewer a sandwich with the best quality peanut butter and jam out there.
9. Viewer says that's more like it.
10. Network inexplicably steps in and stalls any sandwich giving for a week.
11. After a week, give the viewer a piece of bread.
12. Viewer gets cranky.
13. Give the viewer a pickle with a block of cheese.
14. Viewer gets confused.
15. Stall some more from giving out anymore sandwiches until the end of the year.
16. Viewer threatens to go to a new sandwich maker.
17. Viewer sticks around and kills time by coming up with theories on what the use of crunchy peanut butter means over the use of smooth peanut butter.
18. At the end of the year, give the viewer a mindblowing Hero Sandwich with all the fixings. But then withhold half of said sandwich and say the next half will be given the following year.
19. Viewer's mind is blown and is hooked to come back once again for the rest of the awesome sandwich.
20. Drop cryptic hints about upcoming zombie sandwich.

 

[Jenee]

14. Viewer gets confused.

17. Viewer sticks around and kills time by coming up with theories on what the use of crunchy peanut butter means over the use of smooth peanut butter.

 

[Jaron]

Jacob
1. Lure freighter full of peanut butter to island.
2. Remove the expiration date from one of the peanut butter jars, which will act as a emissary to the other jars.
3. Identify the jars most likely to find redemption in choosing to become a sandwich.
4. Get stabbed by the loaf of bread you've been ignoring.
5. Oops!
6. Posthumously convince Hurley to make a sandwich.

Daniel Faraday
1. Math says it's impossible to make a sandwich.
2. Do math for three more years.
3. Aha! We just need a bigger sandwich!
4. Acquire hydrogen bomb.
5. Apply free will to hydrogen bomb.
6a. No, it's still impossible to make a sandwich.
6b. Universe full of delicious sandwiches!

 

[beneldon]

Daniel Faraday
1. Math says it's impossible to make a sandwich.
2. Do math for three more years.
3. Aha! We just need a bigger sandwich!
4. Acquire hydrogen bomb.
5. Apply free will to hydrogen bomb.
6a. No, it's still impossible to make a sandwich.
6b. Universe full of delicious sandwiches!

Hahahahahahahaha Oh how I love this thread!

 

[Hunter X]

^Me too. You could do this with just about everyone.

Michael
1. Make sandwich.
2. Others steal sandwich
3. Run into the jungle screaming "SAAAANDWICH"
4. Run up to Jin yelling "THEY TOOK IT RIGHT OUT OF MY HANDS!"
5. Run up to Jack yelling "THEY TOOK MY SANDWICH!"
6. Run up to Sawyer yelling "RIGHT OUT OF MY HANDS!"
7. Shoot Ana Lucia and Libby.
8. Get back sandwich.

 

[Jenee]

Shannon
1. Look disdainfully at ingredients
2. convince some schmuck to make sandwich
3. look disdainfully at sandwich
4. parade scantily clad sandwich in front of Boone
5. look disdainfully at sandwich
6. cry to sandwich for her lack of humanity and sensitivity
7. look lovingly at sandwich
8. die before you can eat sandwich

 

[Starbreaker]

Frank

1. Make a peanut butter & jelly sandwich
2. Take a shot
3. Declare this is the weirdest peanut butter & jelly you have ever seen
4. Make witty comments about sandwich
5. Get paid as a regular cast member

 

[Delta1]

Eloise Hawking
1. Eat peanut butter sandwich.
2. Spend thirty years preparing the peanut butter sandwich.
3. Regret having eaten the peanut butter sandwich.

Eloise Hawking (alternate)
1. Eat peanut butter sandwich.
2. Spend thirty years preparing a BLT.
3. Snap at anyone who mentions peanut butter.

MIB
1. Identify someone who can make a peanut butter sandwich.
2. Scare them by howling and knocking over trees.
3. Read their mind.
4. Manifest as a dead loved one.
5. Trick them into leaving the island and dying.
6. Manifest as that person.
7. Recruit someone else to make a sandwich for you.

 

[Jaron]

Polar Bears

1. Press food button.
2. Ignore warning.
3. Press food button.
4. Ignore warning.
5. Press food button.
6. Receive electric shock.
7. Press all three controls at the same time.
8. Receive fish biscuit.
9. Exchange biscuit for sandwich.


Sawyer

1. Press food button.
2. Ignore warning.
3. Press food button.
4. Ignore warning.
5. Press food button.
6. Receive electric shock.
7. Press all three controls at the same time.
8. Receive fish biscuit.
9. It only took the bears two hours. Enjoy your biscuit.
10. Tom is a jerk.

 

[Mojochi]

Eko

1. Massacre two Peanut butter & Jelly Sandwiches
2. Repent silently while fashioning a butter knife to use for the eminent arrival of more sandwiches
3 Disappear with Michael & Jin to help Michael find his sandwich
4 Convince Michael that the sandwiches won't be found unless they want to be
5 Build church to pray for sandwiches
6 Find out Charlie has been putting heroin in his sandwiches,
7 Not care about Charlie's heroin sandwiches, because you're a drug baron, obviously
8 Chase what you think is your dead brother, to see if he has sandwiches
9 Get killed by mysteriously monstrous peanut butter & jelly sandwich

 

[Temis the Vorta]

Boone

1. Stare longingly at peanut butter and jelly.
2. Climb into a rickety wrecked plane to impress the peanut butter and jelly.
3. Fall and die.
4. Become a much more popular vampire - that'll show em!

 

[Hunter X]

Keamy
1. Start making a peanut butter sandwich
2. Get bored and go on a murderous rampage.
3. Make some eggs.