OK, so we get these good looking women in the TV/Film series portraying Vulcans, and we also have humans in personal relationships with them. But if we were to take the Star Trek world and move it into our reality this is what you have:
1. Emotionless
As humans we like to interact with each other's emotions. Guys like to make their girls laugh, smile, get aroused...so on. With a Vulcan chicks no such thing would happen. The only thing that gets her off is "logic" and even then, she wont get off the way you would like her to. Having a "good time" with your Vulcan girlfriend would take on a whole new meaning...and I doubt you would enjoy it. Porn for her would be watching a chess game. Think about that.
2. Physical
Yes the movies have Vulcan women with red lipstick on, and rosy cheeks, but such is not the case. With green blood what you would have is a yellowish green hue to your skin. The inside of your eyelids would be green. The inside of your mouth would be green. The whites of your eyes would be slightly green. Bloodshot eyes for a Vulcan would be green. In fact, all parts "pink" in human anatomy will be green in a Vulcan's anatomy. Think about that fellas especially when you ponder certain "pink" parts of the female human anatomy which we tend to enjoy.
3. Sex
OK Vulcans have Pon Farr. Which means female Vulcans have evolved to provide very little sex since the Vulcan male libido seems to fire off every 7 years. Get ready for that "it is not logical" argument every time you want to have sex with her simply because (7 years) versus (every day or week) just wont work with her. Besides, I've heard rumors that Vulcan females have sideways vaginas.
(I kid...I kid)
4. Marriage
Dont even try to man-handle her because she will kick your ass due to her superior strength. Forget about lying as well. She will be mind-melding with you while you sleep and learn the password to your email, facebook and bank account...and if you have another woman on the side, your goose is cooked as well when she learns why you came home late the other night. Also consider this: Vulcan mother-in-law.
5. Lifespan
Eventually you will get tired of her ass and wonder when this bitch will die. She wont...not in your lifetime anyway. Vulcans live for a very loooong time. She will most definitely outlive you and collect on your life insurance when you die of sheer boredom and a severe case of blue-balls from living with this woman.
So tell me again why you would want a Vulcan girlfriend?
In my next essay I will discuss why Klingons make terrible mates for humans. I will start off with:
1. They smell funny and have bad teeth.
...to be continued.
(well, not really continued...I'm just having some fun with you guys.)
1. Emotionless
As humans we like to interact with each other's emotions. Guys like to make their girls laugh, smile, get aroused...so on. With a Vulcan chicks no such thing would happen. The only thing that gets her off is "logic" and even then, she wont get off the way you would like her to. Having a "good time" with your Vulcan girlfriend would take on a whole new meaning...and I doubt you would enjoy it. Porn for her would be watching a chess game. Think about that.
2. Physical
Yes the movies have Vulcan women with red lipstick on, and rosy cheeks, but such is not the case. With green blood what you would have is a yellowish green hue to your skin. The inside of your eyelids would be green. The inside of your mouth would be green. The whites of your eyes would be slightly green. Bloodshot eyes for a Vulcan would be green. In fact, all parts "pink" in human anatomy will be green in a Vulcan's anatomy. Think about that fellas especially when you ponder certain "pink" parts of the female human anatomy which we tend to enjoy.
3. Sex
OK Vulcans have Pon Farr. Which means female Vulcans have evolved to provide very little sex since the Vulcan male libido seems to fire off every 7 years. Get ready for that "it is not logical" argument every time you want to have sex with her simply because (7 years) versus (every day or week) just wont work with her. Besides, I've heard rumors that Vulcan females have sideways vaginas.
(I kid...I kid)
4. Marriage
Dont even try to man-handle her because she will kick your ass due to her superior strength. Forget about lying as well. She will be mind-melding with you while you sleep and learn the password to your email, facebook and bank account...and if you have another woman on the side, your goose is cooked as well when she learns why you came home late the other night. Also consider this: Vulcan mother-in-law.
5. Lifespan
Eventually you will get tired of her ass and wonder when this bitch will die. She wont...not in your lifetime anyway. Vulcans live for a very loooong time. She will most definitely outlive you and collect on your life insurance when you die of sheer boredom and a severe case of blue-balls from living with this woman.
So tell me again why you would want a Vulcan girlfriend?
--------------------------
In my next essay I will discuss why Klingons make terrible mates for humans. I will start off with:
1. They smell funny and have bad teeth.
...to be continued.
(well, not really continued...I'm just having some fun with you guys.)
Heck, this just might be the narration in Kirk's mind.
