Puns

[Farscape One]

Did you hear about the Doctor's new diamond shop on Deep Space 9?

It's called "Jewelian's".



How does Odo know how fast he's going on a runabout?

He checks the Odometer.

 

[Roundabout]

At the Star Trek convention, why did John Colicos shake the hand of everyone there who was dressed up as a sinister Klingon military governor?
He was eager to meet and greet all the hard Kor fans.

It caused quite a stir with the audience when Kor, Kang, and Koloth appeared on DS9 looking nothing like their old selves. So why did they radically change their appearance?
Because they didn't want to Klingon to the past.



What does T'Pol daydream about?
She fantasizes that Trip Tucker into bed.

Whenever a mission required someone to pilot the shuttle pod through a spatial anomaly, Captain Archer almost always picked Travis for the job. Why?
He felt that Travis Mayweather any ion storm better than any other crewman.

It was no secret that Malcolm had a rocky relationship with the MACOs under his command. So what gave Archer confidence that his tactical officer would be able to keep the soldiers in line?
The captain was reassured when he saw Malcolm Reed them the riot act.



Not many people may know this, but Kanye West had a small role in a Star Trek Voyager episode, though it didn't make the final cut. He played a Cardassian Gul who became pen pals with Voyager's operations officer. West had only one line. What was his line?
"Hailing Ensign Kim, Cardassian Gul calling."

What was Garak's favorite TV show?
"Keeping up with the Cardassians".

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Q: Why did Malcolm refuse Trip's invitation to join him and T'Pol for dinner after working with the man all day?
A: He was all Tuckered out. (Tired of him)​

 

[Qonundrum]

When Data told Lal it could look anyway it wanted, it chose the body of a Kllingon male, beat up Worf, then said LOL.

*groan*

 

[Roundabout]

When Troi was pregnant with "The Child", she was so desperate for answers about her bizarre pregnancy that she turned to Guinan for advice. Unfortunately for Troi, what did Guinan tell her?
> "Don't look at me. I'm a bartender, not a Guinan-cologist."

Why was Guinan childless?
>Because she never made Whoopi.




What makes the blood boil of TNG haters?
>The haters throw a fit whenever they hear Brannon Braga lot about the brilliance of the show.

Boasting about the greatness of the show got his friend Michael, Piller-ied by those same haters.




The anniversary of the release of Star Trek 2 is coming up. Prepare for a rash of Khan movie tributes.

What would happen if you were to expose the scammers who peddle fake Star Trek 2 memorabilia?
>You would then have to face the wrath of con artists.

Overheard a fan at a Trek convention asking his buddy, "How could there be a prime time Khan series when he died in Star Trek 2?
>His buddy replied, "It'll probably be about the wraith of Khan."

What should one expect if he were to go to a Ceti Alpha V book club of the month meeting?
>He should expect to hear Khan Noonien Singh the praises of Milton's Paradise Lost.

 

[Roundabout]

It was a good thing that Ricardo Montalban didn't have a cold or sore throat during the production of Star Trek II, otherwise, we would have heard the rasp of Khan.


What did the director say after filming the very last scene of Star Trek II?
>"Cut! And that's a wrap of Khan."



What Star Trek: Enterprise episode was the favorite of Geordi? "The Forge" is the answer.


What did Geordi really think of Scotty after Scotty revealed how he deliberately grossly exaggerated repair time estimates in order to make himself out to be a "miracle worker"?
>Geordi thought Scotty was a man with warp(ed) core values.



What is the typical airport routine for the actress who played Dr. Crusher, whenever she travels to a Trek convention?
>When she departs the terminal Gates, McFadden would head straight to the Enterprise rental counter.

And when she gets to the convention center Gates, McFadden would be mobbed by fans, who while seeking her autograph, would inadvertently Crusher.



If there had been a crossover episode where Fox Mulder and Dana Scully came aboard the Enterprise to help Kirk investigate the boy with the paranormal god-like powers, what would the episode be called?
>"Charlie X-Files"


What would happen if Section 31 took over DS9?
>It would turn the station into Deep State Nine.

 

[Spicy Thunder]

What do you get when you split a Ferengi's atoms into pieces? A whole lot of Quarks.

 

[Qonundrum]

What is the typical airport routine for the actress who played Dr. Crusher, whenever she travels to a Trek convention?
>When she departs the terminal Gates, McFadden would head straight to the Enterprise rental counter.

Only because Avis thinks she has no character and wants all non-Krill to be put into a Hertz.

And when she gets to the convention center Gates, McFadden would be mobbed by fans, who while seeking her autograph, would inadvertently Crusher.

Alara believe it after I sober up and stop slurring my words.

 

[Qonundrum]

Only because Avis thinks she has no character and wants all non-Krill to be put into a Hertz.



Alara believe it after I sober up and stop slurring my words.

And if anyone wants popcorn, I've got lots of Orville Redenbacher for all...

 

[Spicy Thunder]

The crew decided to relocate Ten Forward up to deck eight instead. They've really raised the bar.

This one wins in my book.

 

[Capt. Moon]

A grocery store I work in flattens cardboard boxes using this device before recycling the cardboard in large bales. The machine is called a baler. I prefer to call is "Doctor Crusher".

That is punny. I like it. I enjoy a good pun.

 

[Qonundrum]

We all know the reason that Wesley Snipes isn't The Crusher.

 

[Qonundrum]

If Data were cloned a bunch of times, would the resultant group be referred to as Data, with the original renamed Datum?

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

@Cutie McWhiskers You might be interested in this. I posted it on Fanfiction.net a while ago and just re-posted it in the fanfic section on this site now. https://www.trekbbs.com/threads/third-person-singular.302845/

 

[Tim Thomason]

If Data were cloned a bunch of times, would the resultant group be referred to as Data, with the original renamed Datum?

I petition that we house them in the Data Base.

 

[Spock .]

Question: How many of the Enterprise’s senior officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: All of them. One to screw it in, and the rest to debate the moral implications.

Question: What did Lore use to kill Data’s cat?

Answer:Spot remover.

Question: What do you call it when that Strategic Operations Officer on DS9 runs as fast as he can?

Answer: Worf Speed.

 

[Spock .]

We are Microsoft!
…You will be assimilated! Resistance is futile!

 

[Qonundrum]

We are Microsoft!
…You will be assimilated! Resistance is futile!

Welcome aboard!

Remember this T-Shirt from back in the day? Like Tengen Tetris, this one got yanked off the shelves too...
https://picclick.com/Vintage-Bill-Gates-T-Shirt-XL-Resistance-Is-Futile-223220950018.html

 

[at Quark's]

I petition that we house them in the Data Base.

And if they get reassigned to mine dilithium, as the EMH Mark ones were, we'll refer to that as Data Mining?

 

[Roundabout]

The Vulcan mating ritual happens once every seven years. It hasn't been quite that long. But this thread has gone without a pun far too long already.


Why did Quark force his nephew to work at the bar during Christmas?
>Because his human customers were constantly requesting egg Nog.

Why did Rom give his son an oversized cap to wear for the baseball game in the holosuite?
>Cause his son had a huge Noggin.

Quark was meticulous about keeping track of his profits and losses. He even kept a record of all the latinum he thought his brother pilferred from him.
Needless to say, he gathered that information on CD Rom.


If there had been a spinoff series following the movie Generations, where Picard's imaginary children joined him on his journey through his fantasy universe, what would that spinoff have been called?
>Star Trek: The Nexus Generation

There was a TNG episode where Data got his day in court, in order to make the case that he was sentient and had rights.
Did you know that there was suppose to be an episode, following "Descent", where Data's brother Lore was given his day in court, to determine whether he also had rights -- a right not to be summarily dismantled by Data or anyone else, just for being a psychopath?
Of course, that episode would have been titled "The Measure of a Maniac".


Came across an interesting article about the premier of Strange New Worlds. Here's how it described the casting of the lead character:
"Having his stint as captain of the Discovery end after only one season, actor Anson mount(s) a successful comeback to Star Trek by starring in his own new Trek series. Strangely, Anson mount(s) a horse in his very first scene."

So, what exactly was the season 1 finale of Strange New Worlds about, anyway?
>It was about the fate of the Enterprise hanging on the balance of terror, again.