Top Ten Things You'll Never See In Trek Novels

[Mr. Laser Beam]

10. Eav'oq Jokes A-Go-Go
9. An obviously pissed off Deanna, sitting in bed smoking a cigarette, going "Some Titan that was..."
8. Captain Picard of the USS Shoegazer
7. Foreword by Richard Arnold!
6. Collaboration between Red Forman and Admiral Kirk: Double Dumbass On You
5. Hoshi's Alien Slug Pet in Salt-World
4. Section 31: Porthos
3. An Explanation For The Laertian Gamble
2. Any "Star Trek Log" Without Useless And Irrelevant Filler Involving Klingons Even When The Original TAS Episode Had Nothing To Do With Them
1. At the rate we're going...Fearful Symmetry

 

[David Mack]

Babaganoosh said:
4. Section 31: Porthos

(Rips up trilogy book one manuscript, deletes half-finished book two Word file, starts over with this brilliant new idea....)

 

[wizkid]

When someone dies, bringing them back to life.
Separating the saucer section of the ship.
10 page story conclusions with happy endings
My sarcasm

 

[Trent Roman]

#10: Mainstream universe Martin Madden.
#9: What the crew really use the holodecks for.
#8: "Star Trek: Enterprise" retconned into alternate timeline.
#7: "Free Inside! Complimentary self-sealing stembolt with every purchase."
#6: Betazoid wedding - with illustrations!
#5: Praise for "These Are the Voyages"
#4: Troi's interior monologue written entirely in emoticons.
#3: U.S.S. Dumbledore
#2: "If you want to join the away team, turn to page 45. If you want to remain with the ship and explore the nebula, turn to page 29."
And the number one thing you'll never see in a Trek novel: Invisible ink (naturally!)

Fictitiously yours, Trent Roman

 

[Therin of Andor]

Trent Roman said:
#10: Mainstream universe Martin Madden.

Novelization of "Nemesis".

#2: "If you want to join the away team, turn to page 45. If you want to remain with the ship and explore the nebula, turn to page 29."

There have been two "Which Way?" ST novels ("Voyage to Adventure" and "Phaser Fight") for young adults, plus two Plot-it-Yourself Adventures, "Distress Call" and "The Vulcan Treasure".

 

[Trek]

Therin of Andor said:

Trent Roman said:
#10: Mainstream universe Martin Madden.

Novelization of "Nemesis".

"Q&A" too.

 

[Therin of Andor]

^ That wasn't mainstream universe

 

[Christopher]

Trent Roman said:
#3: U.S.S. Dumbledore

Now watch as the writers all scramble to insert references to this ship in their current manuscripts...

 

[Trent Roman]

Therin of Andor said:

Trent Roman said:
#10: Mainstream universe Martin Madden.

Novelization of "Nemesis".

#2: "If you want to join the away team, turn to page 45. If you want to remain with the ship and explore the nebula, turn to page 29."

There have been two "Which Way?" ST novels ("Voyage to Adventure" and "Phaser Fight") for young adults, plus two Plot-it-Yourself Adventures, "Distress Call" and "The Vulcan Treasure".

Ha. You know, that list was not easy to compile - at least, not the more reasonable options. Trek fiction has ranged broad and wide. X-Men? Done. Pirates? Done. Star Wars? Done. Detective fiction? Done. Legal thriller? Done. Stream of consciouness passages? Done. Stories without any series regulars? Done. Hmmm... ever been a Star Trek novel without chapters (qualifying anthologies as being 'chaptered' by individual stories)?

Fictitiously yours, Trent Roman

 

[flandry84]

1.A planet without caves.
2.Picard in a knock down, drag out,Kirkian fistfight.
3.Quark joining Bajoran better business bureau.
4.A routine crash-free shuttle journey.
5.A planetary government without "a deadly secret"
6.The crew of a romulan warbird singing "for he's a jolly good fellow" for their commander.
7.An admiral who knows what he's talking about.
8.Picard beaming down on a survey mission.(remember those?)
9.Chakotay doing something interesting.
10.Tuvok been given the chance to make vulcans cool again.

 

[Lonemagpie]

flandry84 said:
1.A planet without caves.

I'm sure that's been done

2.Picard in a knock down, drag out,Kirkian fistfight.

That was Insurrection, wasn't it?

10.Tuvok been given the chance to make vulcans cool again.

Pitched that one - you never know...

 

[flandry84]

Insurrection? Honest to God,I'm having a tough time recalling any single bit of that movie.And yet I can see in my mind Shatner(his stuntman anyway) mixing it up variously with Khan,a mugato,Finney and assorted goons.Don't get me wrong,I'm not a violence freak.My point is how staid,talky and frankly boring TNG sometimes became.My God,they took a show about journeying to distant worlds,and made it boring.

 

[Steve Roby]

The one thing that I've given up on seeing in a Trek novel is a title page that says:

THE GOD THING

A novel by Gene Roddenberry and [Collaborator's name here]

 

[flandry84]

Honest to God ,I cannot recall one single thing about Insurrection.

 

[Orac Zen]

flandry84 said:
10.Tuvok been given the chance to make vulcans cool again.

...or Tuvok being given the chance to do much of anything, which is why I'll not be reading another book by the author of the Voyager relaunch novels.

Lonemagpie said:

flandry84 said:
10.Tuvok been given the chance to make vulcans cool again.

Pitched that one - you never know...

If it happens, I'll read it.

 

[flandry84]

Honest to God,......oh I said that already.
Nurse,where are my pills?

 

[captcalhoun]

read the Titan series instead then.

 

[flandry84]

Tuvok it seems will suffer the same fate on Titan as he did on VOY unless he is given special attention.The writers will tell you that Titan stories will focus on some crewmen and not others at different times ,but given the sparseness of upcoming releases,some characters will obviously fall by the wayside.Ironically,the large,diverse cast-list may be detrimental to the characters.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

flandry84 said:
7.An admiral who knows what he's talking about.

Forrest always did. Coolest admiral Trek ever had.

Did he ever appear in any of the Enterprise novels?

 

[KRAD]

^ I know Forrest appeared in the 22nd-century prologue to A Time to Sow by Mssrs. Ward and Dilmore (who were able to present a copy to Vaughn Armstrong at TrekExpo).