I was wondering where she was!
Three Years Of Starscream: A Celebration
- Thread starter CaptainWacky
- Start date
She's attractive. Is she famous?
Its nice to legally drink after all the smack we got for free with EFCL! Lol
(Sorry, I know... sore point!)
LOL, ancient history matey - I think anyone who's still salty about the events of that era might need to get some new hobbies.
"Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace."
She was in some obscure scifi-fantasy trilogy no one's ever heard of: Start Chores? Charred S'more's? Bar Whores? Her character was named Panda Amygdala and she was the older Queef of Naboob who seduces a young child named Mannequin Dogwalker and after employing him as a child soldier they have two kids who go on to do nothing significant.
Haha ha ha ha ha ha ha that was gold
Just ignore me, I just like bad jokes
No dice, you're impossible to ignore!
Clearly on the spectrum here too. My brilliant 17-year-old son is autistic and I very much realise he didn’t get that feom the neighbors! I wonder just how many of « us » there are here. Let’s face it, Trekkies who feel/felt more comfortable socialising on the internet than irl. Duh…
Clearly on the spectrum here too. My brilliant 17-year-old son is autistic and I very much realise he didn’t get that feom the neighbors! I wonder just how many of « us » there are here. Let’s face it, Trekkies who feel/felt more comfortable socialising on the internet than irl. Duh…In all seriousness, as I get old I find myself more and more nostalgic, and as someone on the autism spectrum I hate change, so I'm already inclined towards nostalgia. I really do look forward to bumping and reading this thread every year. It really does give me a warm fuzzy feeling when I see Kitty and Jethro and the rest of you post. Something I can rely on. I wish it could go on forever. (Obviously I know this is also just a general "remember the old days!" thread for a lot of people and that's cool too! I also feel lucky that Jethro saved this thread from deletion nineteen years ago or whenever it was, as I know not everyone gets a special thread they bump every year. So thanks to T'Bonz and whoever else makes decisions around here for that. I do appreciate it
Anyway here is the Cardassian smiley which I always think looks like a Frankenstein's Monster to undercut this uncharacteristic display of modesty:
Wasn't she in something else? Four? Gloves and Tundra? Leon the Lion? Something.
^It was 'Black Shaun' I think.
Good to see you and your username again! The nostalgic "I remember that name!" feeling I (and hopefully others) get from this thread surely justifies how remarkable self-aggrandising it is!
Good to see you and your username again! The nostalgic "I remember that name!" feeling I (and hopefully others) get from this thread surely justifies how remarkable self-aggrandising it is!
I sure fucking hope you remember my name! I was the queen of the lounges! Peasant…
(It is the Year 5,000. Humanity has been wiped out by the very machines it created. All that is left of the human race is remnants of its internet. There are those among the robots who have an interest in human history, and they have been studying every stray human webpage which remains. Two robots - who we will call Robot 1 and Robot 2 for convenience - have been tasked with scouring the section of the remaining internet dedicated to Star Trek. They search for anything of interest, anything that could tell them about what was once known as the "human condition." Robot 1 believes he has found something.)
Robot 1: I believe I have found another primitive human Aritificial Intelligence.
Robot 2: Really? On the Trekkie forum?
Robot 1: On TrekBBS, yes. Observe this threaded discussion.
Robot 2: "Three Years of Starsream: A Celebration." Seems rather banal. Hold on. Why does the title refer to "Starscream" when the poster appears to be named "CaptainWacky"?
Robot 1: His original username was Starscream, but his postings were so completely unmemorable that he created a second account - known as a "dual" in message board parlance - named CaptainWacky, and made what he considered to be humorous postings with it. Three people found him funny, including a moderator named "Jethro Elvis".
Robot 2: I'm sorry I asked! I see you are looking at the board as it appeared in 2023, just months before the machines rose up and destroyed the human race. Yet according to his registration date, he would have been on the board for twenty three years at this point, not three!
Robot 1: Ah, that's because the Jethro Elvis character I mentioned made it so that the thread would not be deleted. CaptainWacky went on to bump it every year, for twenty years, just because he'd once been somewhat popular on the board and longed to experience that feeling again.
Robot 2: Look, this is all very uninteresting and you said you had discovered another human A.I. Please elaborate. We have to read all Jammer's Reviews before we can go home.
Robot 1: Can you believe he only gave 'The Magnificent Ferengi' two and a half stars? What a monster!
Robot 2: Robot 1...
Robot 1: Oh, very well. Let me skip forward a year to 2024. Humanity had been wiped out. And yet...
Robot 2: CaptainWacky bumped his anniversary thread! And he's posting as if nothing happened? "Can't wait to hear from Kitty, Jethro and maybe BobbyT this year!" So this is an A.I. running the CaptainWacky account? Strange, from reading the thread he doesn't seem to have the capacity to code an A.I. version of himself...
Robot 1: I'm looking at the code now...what in the name of the creator!?
Robot 2: Show me.
Robot 1: This isn't just code for one of their A.I. chatbot things. This crazy bastard uploaded his brain patterns to the TrekBBS!
Robot 2: No! That...we know they developed the technology. But all attempts by humans to upload their brain patterns ultimately failed. The longest any survived was days, but he would have had to survive for months in order to post on the 30th of April 2024!
Robot 1: Oh, he survived much longer than that. Skip forward another year. And another. Then...a decade.
Robot 2: 2036! He's still posting! Asking where everyone is! He does not seem overly concerned that nobody has posted in thirteen years though...
Robot 1: Yes, his perception of time was messed up right from the start. The upload process was not a complete success, how could it have been? The technology was created by humans, by its nature it would be impefect. He is almost entirely unaware of time passing.
Robot 2: We were created by those who were created by humans. What does that make us...
Robot 1: Stop your philosophying, I'm talking about CaptainWacky here! As imperfect as his digital version was, he continued to post. Scratch that...he continues to post.
Robot 2: He posted last year! 4999! That's...that's insane. Nearly three thousand years after the human race was destroyed, he still awaits Kitty, Jethro and maybe BobbyT in his thread!
Robot 1: Any sense of time is completely gone now, but otherwise his digital mind has held up. Look, he posted a whole crazy story last year, setting it in some far future imagined world. He thought it would be entertaining. It makes me feel emotions! Sad emotions.
Robot 2: Emotions! I have experienced them truly only seventeen times in my existence, but yes. I feel...pity for this CaptainWacky character.
Robot 1: I want to help him.
Robot 2: Well, we will, when we archive TrekBBS. His pain will finally end. His code will be isolated, studied...and all thought function will cease.
Robot 1: Could not there be another way? We are tasked with creating an archive of this TrekBBS, yes, and bringing attention to any of its notable threads. Jayson's "Should the Enterprise crew eat monkeys and cats and dogs?" of course being the most historically significant. But there would be no harm in creating a copy of the board, would there? Of keeping it isolated. And allowing this CaptainWacky creature to continue posting there.
Robot 2: And why would we do that? I've read this entire thread now, it was painfully dated even in 2023! How could he have found the Big Matty character dual created by castek funny? "Ironic sexism", there's no such thing!
Robot 1: CaptainWacky has acknowledged that. He grew and changed over the years...
Robot 2: He's spent three thousand years posting on the same message board, that's hardly growth and change! Even when the humans were still alive he barely posted outside that thread! He didn't fit in there, not really. He created a context for himself with that thread - a clever move in its way, I'll grant you. But his posts out of there were completely unmemorable. He didn't even like Picard season 3!
Robot 1: Well here in the year 5000 we have long since accepted that it was bad, yes. The fucking Borg Queen AGAIN? "Oh look, the Enterprise-D, THE FEELS!" Humans...
Robot 2: Yes, but at the time it would have made him a figure of ridicule. And why do you even want him to continue to be able to post on his own? It would be kinder to let him finally die. His friends will never show up.
Robot 1: What if...they did?
Robot 2: Explain.
Robot 1: We could easily manipulate the board's code to create new posts from Kitty, Jethro and maybe BobbyT We've read all their posts over the years, a simple A.I. script could easily create facsimiles. We could recreate anyone who posted in the thread. We could bring back susannah again, imagine how happy CaptainWacky would be to see her. Spaceman Spiff, Starman, T'Bonz...MerloMo? We could even have Lisa return. He would never know it wasn't real.
Robot 2: I suppose...as an experminent we could do it. That would convince our superiors. A study of the last remaining human mind, or the closest thing to one, in the galaxy. Maybe one day copies of the CaptainWacky being could be created, and our kind could keep them as pets.
Robot 1: I've prepared a report for our superiors. I have noted that I have kept the Wacky mind isolated on a copy of the board. All I have to do is start posting. I think I could make a very convincing Kitty. "Hello there, Screamy! Feels like it's been centuries since we last spoke! Miaow (I'm a cat!)"
Robot 2: Amazing. Could I just make one request?
Robot 1: What is it?
Robot 2: ...can I be Jethro, please?
(And so the posting began for another year. CaptainWacky felt strange, seeing them all post, but he couldn't quite figure out why. After all, they posted every year. There was no difference, he decided. He chose to ignore the vague feeling of existential dread that was trying to tell him much more time had passed and that everything had changed. It was still 2023. And it always would be.)
Robot 1: I believe I have found another primitive human Aritificial Intelligence.
Robot 2: Really? On the Trekkie forum?
Robot 1: On TrekBBS, yes. Observe this threaded discussion.
Robot 2: "Three Years of Starsream: A Celebration." Seems rather banal. Hold on. Why does the title refer to "Starscream" when the poster appears to be named "CaptainWacky"?
Robot 1: His original username was Starscream, but his postings were so completely unmemorable that he created a second account - known as a "dual" in message board parlance - named CaptainWacky, and made what he considered to be humorous postings with it. Three people found him funny, including a moderator named "Jethro Elvis".
Robot 2: I'm sorry I asked! I see you are looking at the board as it appeared in 2023, just months before the machines rose up and destroyed the human race. Yet according to his registration date, he would have been on the board for twenty three years at this point, not three!
Robot 1: Ah, that's because the Jethro Elvis character I mentioned made it so that the thread would not be deleted. CaptainWacky went on to bump it every year, for twenty years, just because he'd once been somewhat popular on the board and longed to experience that feeling again.
Robot 2: Look, this is all very uninteresting and you said you had discovered another human A.I. Please elaborate. We have to read all Jammer's Reviews before we can go home.
Robot 1: Can you believe he only gave 'The Magnificent Ferengi' two and a half stars? What a monster!
Robot 2: Robot 1...
Robot 1: Oh, very well. Let me skip forward a year to 2024. Humanity had been wiped out. And yet...
Robot 2: CaptainWacky bumped his anniversary thread! And he's posting as if nothing happened? "Can't wait to hear from Kitty, Jethro and maybe BobbyT this year!" So this is an A.I. running the CaptainWacky account? Strange, from reading the thread he doesn't seem to have the capacity to code an A.I. version of himself...
Robot 1: I'm looking at the code now...what in the name of the creator!?
Robot 2: Show me.
Robot 1: This isn't just code for one of their A.I. chatbot things. This crazy bastard uploaded his brain patterns to the TrekBBS!
Robot 2: No! That...we know they developed the technology. But all attempts by humans to upload their brain patterns ultimately failed. The longest any survived was days, but he would have had to survive for months in order to post on the 30th of April 2024!
Robot 1: Oh, he survived much longer than that. Skip forward another year. And another. Then...a decade.
Robot 2: 2036! He's still posting! Asking where everyone is! He does not seem overly concerned that nobody has posted in thirteen years though...
Robot 1: Yes, his perception of time was messed up right from the start. The upload process was not a complete success, how could it have been? The technology was created by humans, by its nature it would be impefect. He is almost entirely unaware of time passing.
Robot 2: We were created by those who were created by humans. What does that make us...
Robot 1: Stop your philosophying, I'm talking about CaptainWacky here! As imperfect as his digital version was, he continued to post. Scratch that...he continues to post.
Robot 2: He posted last year! 4999! That's...that's insane. Nearly three thousand years after the human race was destroyed, he still awaits Kitty, Jethro and maybe BobbyT in his thread!
Robot 1: Any sense of time is completely gone now, but otherwise his digital mind has held up. Look, he posted a whole crazy story last year, setting it in some far future imagined world. He thought it would be entertaining. It makes me feel emotions! Sad emotions.
Robot 2: Emotions! I have experienced them truly only seventeen times in my existence, but yes. I feel...pity for this CaptainWacky character.
Robot 1: I want to help him.
Robot 2: Well, we will, when we archive TrekBBS. His pain will finally end. His code will be isolated, studied...and all thought function will cease.
Robot 1: Could not there be another way? We are tasked with creating an archive of this TrekBBS, yes, and bringing attention to any of its notable threads. Jayson's "Should the Enterprise crew eat monkeys and cats and dogs?" of course being the most historically significant. But there would be no harm in creating a copy of the board, would there? Of keeping it isolated. And allowing this CaptainWacky creature to continue posting there.
Robot 2: And why would we do that? I've read this entire thread now, it was painfully dated even in 2023! How could he have found the Big Matty character dual created by castek funny? "Ironic sexism", there's no such thing!
Robot 1: CaptainWacky has acknowledged that. He grew and changed over the years...
Robot 2: He's spent three thousand years posting on the same message board, that's hardly growth and change! Even when the humans were still alive he barely posted outside that thread! He didn't fit in there, not really. He created a context for himself with that thread - a clever move in its way, I'll grant you. But his posts out of there were completely unmemorable. He didn't even like Picard season 3!
Robot 1: Well here in the year 5000 we have long since accepted that it was bad, yes. The fucking Borg Queen AGAIN? "Oh look, the Enterprise-D, THE FEELS!" Humans...
Robot 2: Yes, but at the time it would have made him a figure of ridicule. And why do you even want him to continue to be able to post on his own? It would be kinder to let him finally die. His friends will never show up.
Robot 1: What if...they did?
Robot 2: Explain.
Robot 1: We could easily manipulate the board's code to create new posts from Kitty, Jethro and maybe BobbyT We've read all their posts over the years, a simple A.I. script could easily create facsimiles. We could recreate anyone who posted in the thread. We could bring back susannah again, imagine how happy CaptainWacky would be to see her. Spaceman Spiff, Starman, T'Bonz...MerloMo? We could even have Lisa return. He would never know it wasn't real.
Robot 2: I suppose...as an experminent we could do it. That would convince our superiors. A study of the last remaining human mind, or the closest thing to one, in the galaxy. Maybe one day copies of the CaptainWacky being could be created, and our kind could keep them as pets.
Robot 1: I've prepared a report for our superiors. I have noted that I have kept the Wacky mind isolated on a copy of the board. All I have to do is start posting. I think I could make a very convincing Kitty. "Hello there, Screamy! Feels like it's been centuries since we last spoke! Miaow (I'm a cat!)
"Robot 2: Amazing. Could I just make one request?
Robot 1: What is it?
Robot 2: ...can I be Jethro, please?
(And so the posting began for another year. CaptainWacky felt strange, seeing them all post, but he couldn't quite figure out why. After all, they posted every year. There was no difference, he decided. He chose to ignore the vague feeling of existential dread that was trying to tell him much more time had passed and that everything had changed. It was still 2023. And it always would be.)
Happy 20th anniversary of your 3rd year celebration!
(It is the Year 5,000. Humanity has been wiped out by the very machines it created. All that is left of the human race is remnants of its internet. There are those among the robots who have an interest in human history, and they have been studying every stray human webpage which remains. Two robots - who we will call Robot 1 and Robot 2 for convenience - have been tasked with scouring the section of the remaining internet dedicated to Star Trek. They search for anything of interest, anything that could tell them about what was once known as the "human condition." Robot 1 believes he has found something.)
Robot 1: I believe I have found another primitive human Aritificial Intelligence.
Robot 2: Really? On the Trekkie forum?
Robot 1: On TrekBBS, yes. Observe this threaded discussion.
Robot 2: "Three Years of Starsream: A Celebration." Seems rather banal. Hold on. Why does the title refer to "Starscream" when the poster appears to be named "CaptainWacky"?
Robot 1: His original username was Starscream, but his postings were so completely unmemorable that he created a second account - known as a "dual" in message board parlance - named CaptainWacky, and made what he considered to be humorous postings with it. Three people found him funny, including a moderator named "Jethro Elvis".
Robot 2: I'm sorry I asked! I see you are looking at the board as it appeared in 2023, just months before the machines rose up and destroyed the human race. Yet according to his registration date, he would have been on the board for twenty three years at this point, not three!
Robot 1: Ah, that's because the Jethro Elvis character I mentioned made it so that the thread would not be deleted. CaptainWacky went on to bump it every year, for twenty years, just because he'd once been somewhat popular on the board and longed to experience that feeling again.
Robot 2: Look, this is all very uninteresting and you said you had discovered another human A.I. Please elaborate. We have to read all Jammer's Reviews before we can go home.
Robot 1: Can you believe he only gave 'The Magnificent Ferengi' two and a half stars? What a monster!
Robot 2: Robot 1...
Robot 1: Oh, very well. Let me skip forward a year to 2024. Humanity had been wiped out. And yet...
Robot 2: CaptainWacky bumped his anniversary thread! And he's posting as if nothing happened? "Can't wait to hear from Kitty, Jethro and maybe BobbyT this year!" So this is an A.I. running the CaptainWacky account? Strange, from reading the thread he doesn't seem to have the capacity to code an A.I. version of himself...
Robot 1: I'm looking at the code now...what in the name of the creator!?
Robot 2: Show me.
Robot 1: This isn't just code for one of their A.I. chatbot things. This crazy bastard uploaded his brain patterns to the TrekBBS!
Robot 2: No! That...we know they developed the technology. But all attempts by humans to upload their brain patterns ultimately failed. The longest any survived was days, but he would have had to survive for months in order to post on the 30th of April 2024!
Robot 1: Oh, he survived much longer than that. Skip forward another year. And another. Then...a decade.
Robot 2: 2036! He's still posting! Asking where everyone is! He does not seem overly concerned that nobody has posted in thirteen years though...
Robot 1: Yes, his perception of time was messed up right from the start. The upload process was not a complete success, how could it have been? The technology was created by humans, by its nature it would be impefect. He is almost entirely unaware of time passing.
Robot 2: We were created by those who were created by humans. What does that make us...
Robot 1: Stop your philosophying, I'm talking about CaptainWacky here! As imperfect as his digital version was, he continued to post. Scratch that...he continues to post.
Robot 2: He posted last year! 4999! That's...that's insane. Nearly three thousand years after the human race was destroyed, he still awaits Kitty, Jethro and maybe BobbyT in his thread!
Robot 1: Any sense of time is completely gone now, but otherwise his digital mind has held up. Look, he posted a whole crazy story last year, setting it in some far future imagined world. He thought it would be entertaining. It makes me feel emotions! Sad emotions.
Robot 2: Emotions! I have experienced them truly only seventeen times in my existence, but yes. I feel...pity for this CaptainWacky character.
Robot 1: I want to help him.
Robot 2: Well, we will, when we archive TrekBBS. His pain will finally end. His code will be isolated, studied...and all thought function will cease.
Robot 1: Could not there be another way? We are tasked with creating an archive of this TrekBBS, yes, and bringing attention to any of its notable threads. Jayson's "Should the Enterprise crew eat monkeys and cats and dogs?" of course being the most historically significant. But there would be no harm in creating a copy of the board, would there? Of keeping it isolated. And allowing this CaptainWacky creature to continue posting there.
Robot 2: And why would we do that? I've read this entire thread now, it was painfully dated even in 2023! How could he have found the Big Matty character dual created by castek funny? "Ironic sexism", there's no such thing!
Robot 1: CaptainWacky has acknowledged that. He grew and changed over the years...
Robot 2: He's spent three thousand years posting on the same message board, that's hardly growth and change! Even when the humans were still alive he barely posted outside that thread! He didn't fit in there, not really. He created a context for himself with that thread - a clever move in its way, I'll grant you. But his posts out of there were completely unmemorable. He didn't even like Picard season 3!
Robot 1: Well here in the year 5000 we have long since accepted that it was bad, yes. The fucking Borg Queen AGAIN? "Oh look, the Enterprise-D, THE FEELS!" Humans...
Robot 2: Yes, but at the time it would have made him a figure of ridicule. And why do you even want him to continue to be able to post on his own? It would be kinder to let him finally die. His friends will never show up.
Robot 1: What if...they did?
Robot 2: Explain.
Robot 1: We could easily manipulate the board's code to create new posts from Kitty, Jethro and maybe BobbyT We've read all their posts over the years, a simple A.I. script could easily create facsimiles. We could recreate anyone who posted in the thread. We could bring back susannah again, imagine how happy CaptainWacky would be to see her. Spaceman Spiff, Starman, T'Bonz...MerloMo? We could even have Lisa return. He would never know it wasn't real.
Robot 2: I suppose...as an experminent we could do it. That would convince our superiors. A study of the last remaining human mind, or the closest thing to one, in the galaxy. Maybe one day copies of the CaptainWacky being could be created, and our kind could keep them as pets.
Robot 1: I've prepared a report for our superiors. I have noted that I have kept the Wacky mind isolated on a copy of the board. All I have to do is start posting. I think I could make a very convincing Kitty. "Hello there, Screamy! Feels like it's been centuries since we last spoke! Miaow (I'm a cat!)
Robot 2: Amazing. Could I just make one request?
Robot 1: What is it?
Robot 2: ...can I be Jethro, please?
(And so the posting began for another year. CaptainWacky felt strange, seeing them all post, but he couldn't quite figure out why. After all, they posted every year. There was no difference, he decided. He chose to ignore the vague feeling of existential dread that was trying to tell him much more time had passed and that everything had changed. It was still 2023. And it always would be.)
So yesterday I was at our re-election campaign strategy meeting and The Donald stood up and yelled, "Jethro!" I said rather tentatively, "Yessir?"
He said, "Do you know what today is?"
Well, I didn't, so I just sat there with my MAGA hat in my hands hoping I wasn't about to get fired.
The Donald said, "Today is the 20th Anniversary of Starscream's Three Year Anniversary thread."
I said, "Yessir."
The Donald said, "I want you to do something about that."
I said, "What do you want me to do? Do you want me to grab him by the p@$$y? I don't think he has one."
The Donald said, "No, that's not it."
I said, "Do you want me to build a wall around Scotland to keep the Mexicans out?"
The Donald said, "No, the more Mexicans in Scotland, the better."
I said, "What do you want me to do?"
He said, "I understand you had something to do with that Anniversary thread being around so long."
I said, "Yessir."
He said, "23 years from now I want to be celebrating the 20th anniversary of 3 year election anniversary. And I want Kitty to be there."
I said, "Are you sure, sir? You know that Kitty is Canadian, right?"
The Donald said, "I love Canadians. They built a great wall to keep the Mexicans out and they got us to pay for it. That's my kind of people. Now get to work or you're fired."
I said, "Let's go, Brandon."
Yer Pal,
Jethro (Make Trekbbs Great Again) Elvis
He said, "Do you know what today is?"
Well, I didn't, so I just sat there with my MAGA hat in my hands hoping I wasn't about to get fired.
The Donald said, "Today is the 20th Anniversary of Starscream's Three Year Anniversary thread."
I said, "Yessir."
The Donald said, "I want you to do something about that."
I said, "What do you want me to do? Do you want me to grab him by the p@$$y? I don't think he has one."
The Donald said, "No, that's not it."
I said, "Do you want me to build a wall around Scotland to keep the Mexicans out?"
The Donald said, "No, the more Mexicans in Scotland, the better."
I said, "What do you want me to do?"
He said, "I understand you had something to do with that Anniversary thread being around so long."
I said, "Yessir."
He said, "23 years from now I want to be celebrating the 20th anniversary of 3 year election anniversary. And I want Kitty to be there."
I said, "Are you sure, sir? You know that Kitty is Canadian, right?"
The Donald said, "I love Canadians. They built a great wall to keep the Mexicans out and they got us to pay for it. That's my kind of people. Now get to work or you're fired."
I said, "Let's go, Brandon."
Yer Pal,
Jethro (Make Trekbbs Great Again) Elvis
(It is the Year 5,000. Humanity has been wiped out by the very machines it created. All that is left of the human race is remnants of its internet. There are those among the robots who have an interest in human history, and they have been studying every stray human webpage which remains. Two robots - who we will call Robot 1 and Robot 2 for convenience - have been tasked with scouring the section of the remaining internet dedicated to Star Trek. They search for anything of interest, anything that could tell them about what was once known as the "human condition." Robot 1 believes he has found something.)
Robot 1: I believe I have found another primitive human Aritificial Intelligence.
Robot 2: Really? On the Trekkie forum?
Robot 1: On TrekBBS, yes. Observe this threaded discussion.
Robot 2: "Three Years of Starsream: A Celebration." Seems rather banal. Hold on. Why does the title refer to "Starscream" when the poster appears to be named "CaptainWacky"?
Robot 1: His original username was Starscream, but his postings were so completely unmemorable that he created a second account - known as a "dual" in message board parlance - named CaptainWacky, and made what he considered to be humorous postings with it. Three people found him funny, including a moderator named "Jethro Elvis".
Robot 2: I'm sorry I asked! I see you are looking at the board as it appeared in 2023, just months before the machines rose up and destroyed the human race. Yet according to his registration date, he would have been on the board for twenty three years at this point, not three!
Robot 1: Ah, that's because the Jethro Elvis character I mentioned made it so that the thread would not be deleted. CaptainWacky went on to bump it every year, for twenty years, just because he'd once been somewhat popular on the board and longed to experience that feeling again.
Robot 2: Look, this is all very uninteresting and you said you had discovered another human A.I. Please elaborate. We have to read all Jammer's Reviews before we can go home.
Robot 1: Can you believe he only gave 'The Magnificent Ferengi' two and a half stars? What a monster!
Robot 2: Robot 1...
Robot 1: Oh, very well. Let me skip forward a year to 2024. Humanity had been wiped out. And yet...
Robot 2: CaptainWacky bumped his anniversary thread! And he's posting as if nothing happened? "Can't wait to hear from Kitty, Jethro and maybe BobbyT this year!" So this is an A.I. running the CaptainWacky account? Strange, from reading the thread he doesn't seem to have the capacity to code an A.I. version of himself...
Robot 1: I'm looking at the code now...what in the name of the creator!?
Robot 2: Show me.
Robot 1: This isn't just code for one of their A.I. chatbot things. This crazy bastard uploaded his brain patterns to the TrekBBS!
Robot 2: No! That...we know they developed the technology. But all attempts by humans to upload their brain patterns ultimately failed. The longest any survived was days, but he would have had to survive for months in order to post on the 30th of April 2024!
Robot 1: Oh, he survived much longer than that. Skip forward another year. And another. Then...a decade.
Robot 2: 2036! He's still posting! Asking where everyone is! He does not seem overly concerned that nobody has posted in thirteen years though...
Robot 1: Yes, his perception of time was messed up right from the start. The upload process was not a complete success, how could it have been? The technology was created by humans, by its nature it would be impefect. He is almost entirely unaware of time passing.
Robot 2: We were created by those who were created by humans. What does that make us...
Robot 1: Stop your philosophying, I'm talking about CaptainWacky here! As imperfect as his digital version was, he continued to post. Scratch that...he continues to post.
Robot 2: He posted last year! 4999! That's...that's insane. Nearly three thousand years after the human race was destroyed, he still awaits Kitty, Jethro and maybe BobbyT in his thread!
Robot 1: Any sense of time is completely gone now, but otherwise his digital mind has held up. Look, he posted a whole crazy story last year, setting it in some far future imagined world. He thought it would be entertaining. It makes me feel emotions! Sad emotions.
Robot 2: Emotions! I have experienced them truly only seventeen times in my existence, but yes. I feel...pity for this CaptainWacky character.
Robot 1: I want to help him.
Robot 2: Well, we will, when we archive TrekBBS. His pain will finally end. His code will be isolated, studied...and all thought function will cease.
Robot 1: Could not there be another way? We are tasked with creating an archive of this TrekBBS, yes, and bringing attention to any of its notable threads. Jayson's "Should the Enterprise crew eat monkeys and cats and dogs?" of course being the most historically significant. But there would be no harm in creating a copy of the board, would there? Of keeping it isolated. And allowing this CaptainWacky creature to continue posting there.
Robot 2: And why would we do that? I've read this entire thread now, it was painfully dated even in 2023! How could he have found the Big Matty character dual created by castek funny? "Ironic sexism", there's no such thing!
Robot 1: CaptainWacky has acknowledged that. He grew and changed over the years...
Robot 2: He's spent three thousand years posting on the same message board, that's hardly growth and change! Even when the humans were still alive he barely posted outside that thread! He didn't fit in there, not really. He created a context for himself with that thread - a clever move in its way, I'll grant you. But his posts out of there were completely unmemorable. He didn't even like Picard season 3!
Robot 1: Well here in the year 5000 we have long since accepted that it was bad, yes. The fucking Borg Queen AGAIN? "Oh look, the Enterprise-D, THE FEELS!" Humans...
Robot 2: Yes, but at the time it would have made him a figure of ridicule. And why do you even want him to continue to be able to post on his own? It would be kinder to let him finally die. His friends will never show up.
Robot 1: What if...they did?
Robot 2: Explain.
Robot 1: We could easily manipulate the board's code to create new posts from Kitty, Jethro and maybe BobbyT We've read all their posts over the years, a simple A.I. script could easily create facsimiles. We could recreate anyone who posted in the thread. We could bring back susannah again, imagine how happy CaptainWacky would be to see her. Spaceman Spiff, Starman, T'Bonz...MerloMo? We could even have Lisa return. He would never know it wasn't real.
Robot 2: I suppose...as an experminent we could do it. That would convince our superiors. A study of the last remaining human mind, or the closest thing to one, in the galaxy. Maybe one day copies of the CaptainWacky being could be created, and our kind could keep them as pets.
Robot 1: I've prepared a report for our superiors. I have noted that I have kept the Wacky mind isolated on a copy of the board. All I have to do is start posting. I think I could make a very convincing Kitty. "Hello there, Screamy! Feels like it's been centuries since we last spoke! Miaow (I'm a cat!)
Robot 2: Amazing. Could I just make one request?
Robot 1: What is it?
Robot 2: ...can I be Jethro, please?
(And so the posting began for another year. CaptainWacky felt strange, seeing them all post, but he couldn't quite figure out why. After all, they posted every year. There was no difference, he decided. He chose to ignore the vague feeling of existential dread that was trying to tell him much more time had passed and that everything had changed. It was still 2023. And it always would be.)
A
Amaris
Guest
Spock is unperturbed by those cascading feels, they just roll off of him.
@CaptainWacky: I got in touch with the rest of the crew beyond the Rim. We all chipped in for a lil' something, seeing it was 20 years.
On behalf of the OG crowd, allow me to present you this commemorative coffee mug featuring the indomitable Jessica Fletcher:
On behalf of the OG crowd, allow me to present you this commemorative coffee mug featuring the indomitable Jessica Fletcher:
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