How Would You Change Nemesis?

[DGCatAniSiri]

My advice would be to start with a clean slate. Erase the whole damn thing. Then when you work your story, just make sure you avoid the most glaring mistake that was made. Make the characters true to who they've always been.

This. I've tried over and over to think of a way to change what we have and make it better, but I just can't do it - I associate too much of the movie as is with what it could have been.

Another thing, though, would be to make sure you can justify the usage of each character from the show - for a movie about 'a generation's final voyage,' there wasn't a lot for most of the generation to do.

 

[perigee]

OK - problem one: Here's all the poor, underground living Remans on Romulus' moon, who somehow manage to build this HUGE ship without anyone on Romulus wondering what's that giant thing being built on our backyard. Forget Remans. It's a Romulan ship.

Forget Attack of the Clone Picard. Romulans have their own generals without tacking on the whole "I am you! No - you are me!" empty melodrama.

From the very start of Holy Canon, on "Balance of Terror," the Romulans would become aggressive when they thought they had advantage. The magic green pixie dust thingie is their shot to go. So - there goes their test run on Fed outposts. One by one, the Fed loses contact with the outposts, and send out the E to investigate.

Outposts there - no people. Thaleron radiation. Another outpost in trouble, so they scoot over in time to see the carnage. Not one ship - a fleet, with one Scimitar as the centerpiece. The E is outgunned 12 ways to sunday, has to withdrawl.

Pull together the fleet. As flagship, Picard is is charge of the whole shooting match - tactics on a fleet scale. Riker is operationally in charge of the E. Data and LaForge work on the question of Thaleron radiation - it's radiation, it should be shield-able.

Troi senses things, and goes around with that little wrinkle of concern between her eyebrows.

There's a time situation - the fleet is moving towards a planet nobody wants destroyed - lets save Vulcan, for kicks. The Enterprise is the only ship that has the new mods for Theleron shielding, so it's decided that the fleet will engage the Romulan escort, while the E takes on the scimitar. Picard, as part of the engaging fleet, leaves the E. Ryker in command. All non-essential personell are deposited on Vulcan, and we're lean and mean.

Big Fights. We'll even let the E ram - harder and deeper than your average porno. Embeds itself. That damages the scimitar enough to start some kind of cascade failure, the secondary hull separates with our heroes, Kaboom.

Picard is promoted to admiral, Ryker gets the E. Ryjer does the obligatory "Space, the final froonteer.." Credits.

 

[Haggis and tatties]

How i would fix Nemsis.

Begone B4, hello Lore

Begone poor Shinzon, Hello Romulan military Hardliner and a coup d'état possible by The Romulan commander Tasha yar and Lore,a mutual get together for some payback.

Begone four ships on screen total, hello massive space battle between Feds and Romulan hard liner factions, with the feds eventually backed up by the official Rom government.

Begone 4+4 and anything related to it.

Begone the Remans(I mean really, shine a torch in their face and its over) LOL......Hello lore built killer Androids.

Hello Romulan/Fed joint mission to stop Romulan hardliner and his followers.

Hello to a few Scimtars, at the head of the Rom hardliner fleet and its thalaron weapon, which i would make a vessel of its own, and so big its needs to be escorted into position for firing.

Hello Data giving his life to save everybody from the scimitars and the weapon.

End with a big Fed /Rom friends pack, and a big goodbye from the cast.

I know most is fan wank with stuff from the TV show and STTUC, but what the hell....we can dream.




And let me just add i don't hate the movie, its far from a total mess, plus hindsight is always easy after the fact.

 

[Lightinspire]

At the very end bring back the Nexus and bring back kirk.

 

[Pegasus]

OK - problem one: Here's all the poor, underground living Remans on Romulus' moon, who somehow manage to build this HUGE ship without anyone on Romulus wondering what's that giant thing being built on our backyard. Forget Remans. It's a Romulan ship.

YES, with the Scimitar being the Prototype D class warbird, (Valdore is Clacc C warbird obviously) with the tharalon radiation weapon added at Shinzon's request as he uses the respect he has gained as a militarly leader suting the Dominion war to get him on the development project.

From the very start of Holy Canon, on "Balance of Terror," the Romulans would become aggressive when they thought they had advantage. The magic green pixie dust thingie is their shot to go. So - there goes their test run on Fed outposts. One by one, the Fed loses contact with the outposts, and send out the E to investigate.

Shinzon get to command the prototype warbird and is allowed to test it against the Federation, "Who would not do anything as they have no backbone". Introduces the Romulan belief they were the reason the Dominion War was won, as without their help the Federation was too weak and stupid to win. And the destruction couldn't be blamed on them because the Scimitars new cloak is undetectable.

Outposts there - no people. Thaleron radiation. Another outpost in trouble, so they scoot over in time to see the carnage. Not one ship - a fleet, with one Scimitar as the centerpiece. The E is outgunned 12 ways to sunday, has to withdraw.

Only 1 ship, (as Shinzon's Scimitar is the only one witht a tharlon device).
A spacial anomaly technobabble provides a possible answer to the mass destruction along with the possibility of a Romulan attack for the Ent E crew but they do not believe it, but they are told by Satrfleet Command, (Admiral Janeway and Admiral Nacheqev) not to rock the boat as there has been a political coupe on Romulus and Starfleet wants to be on good terms with the new Preator from the start. The Ent-E is sent to Romulus, so that Picard can open an olive branch to the new Preator.

The scimitar meets they by delcoaking right up against them instead of being that token distance away.
Meetings, that dinner .e.t.c..

Shinzon's hatred for the Federation and love of Romulus is shaped in three ways:
1. We known he is a clone, so the Romulans may have used captured Dominion medical technology to implant loyalty into Picard clone, (like the Founder do to the Jem hadar). If they didn't Shinzon would have just lived as Picard fully believing in the Federation and exposing his Romulan creators.
2. The opinions of his Tail Shair creators/guardians on Romulus before his sentence to Remus would have shaped his own, (like the opinions of parents shapes their childrens). Which would have included a love for the Romulan Star Empire and hated for the Federation.
3. The knowledge of the Federation doing nothing to help the Remans, (on a basic level).
Shinzons facade anout Reman equality is a cover for using them as a very loyal army, he is a legend to them, their sucessful leader during the Dominon War, their Liberatorm, to them he can do no wrong. This would have shown Shinzon to be amore intelligent, manipulative, cold and calculating villian, another Khan which is partly shown by his use of B4 as a spy.
I would still have Troi refuse to marry Riker, as it would also have led on nicely from their relationship subplot form TNG and Inserection with Riker regaining his manhood and deciding to regrow his beard. Also it would show she actually has some guts, an opinion of her own, (other then who she wants to have sex with every other week) and just to see his face. This would lead to a possible Troi and Shinzon telepahthic relationship subplot that would end with her using the telepathic link to find a target lock with them both admitting they loved each other but Shinzon understood what she had to do, and she understood he had to stop her. That moments pause to think during the battle would have the same effect those quiet moments in trailers have before the fast paced ending with added plot relevant charcter development.
This would give both characters some much needed depth and give us an insight into how telephathic species relationships might work.
I think Worf is on the ENT E after DS9 becuase he asked politleyto be with his old crew again for a while and the Federation wanted to have the only Klingon in Starfleet back on a Starfleet ship to show possible unity afte the Dominion War. The Klingons are Federation members in all but name and officail documents anyway.
I would also have Data thinking for a while before going to die for his friends like Spock did in TWOK. I would still have B4 become Data though, you cannot kill sucha good character off, and Spiner's age can be shown by simply having Data artificaly age his apperance like he does while being a Professor in TNG finale: All Good Things. Allowing that skunk haircut and line from his caretaker in that episode to be used again and a nice link back to that episode, with Picard smiling as it is said as if he remembers hearing it the first time. Creating more continuity.
If anybody has be killed off it's either Beverly or Riker.
Riker is killed by Shinzons Viceroy by him grabbing Rikers leg and pulling him down with him after the, "Don't worry is dark in hell line".
or
Beverly dies of nautral causes or by a strategic Reman raid to destroy the Enterprises medical facilities.

 

[Caretaker]

1. If you're going to include Guinan and Wesley give them a little something to do aside from a joke and, um, nothing. Give these two some more integral part to the plot.
2. Remove the whole "What the heck is Worf doing with his life?" question - keep him as an ambassador.
3. If B4 is used, leave it it more vague as to whether Data survived or not, so as to pull on the audience's heartstrings.
4. Give Shinzon better motivation, aside from, "I hate Picard, so I'll destroy Earth" - it makes no sense here.

 

[JB2005]

One bloody line "Mr Data, can I borrow that emergency transport module"

At least for starters

 

[ChristopherPike]

Release it a distance of at least six months from one of the most eagerly anticipated second parts of a trilogy since The Empire Strikes Back.

Airtight security surrounding the script, more or less forcing fans to see it before voicing an opinion online, about how it sucks and is the death of Star Trek.

Both would've given it a better chance of making its budget back and allow a possible sequel either with TNG or a handover to a new cast.

 

[Myasishchev]

If whoever was writing this film had bothered to do a little research, they would have found that Picard remembered laughing at the odd sensation after he was stabbed through the back piercing his heart during the barroom brawl on Starbase Earhart. If Shinzon had laughed while collapsing after being stabbed in the back it would have explained Picard startled reaction. It also would have given the movie a brilliant sci-fi twist about nature versus nurture and how close is the clone to the original.

You know, that's a truly fantastic idea. You'd need a flashback to his young ensign days to establish this point, but this could actually have been incorporated into the overarching plot.

Blood on the knife? That's a good place to get DNA from.

The entire opening of the film is Picard's fight with the Nausicaans, and the journey of the knife in a Federation hospital, and eventually the journey of the reconstructed DNA from a few blood cells congealed onto the knife to Romulus. The years tick by onscreen and time seems to move at an incredible pace. We see huge banks of vials in cold storage on Romulus, DNA from tens of thousands of Starfleet officers, taken surreptitiously. Most of it is useless, but a few of those thousands will become command officers in Starfleet, and their genetic code assumes a new importance.

We see them take a vial. We see the rapid maturation of a humanoid in a nutrient tank. We see the images fed into its mind, the indoctrination and information. Finally, we see Jean-Luc Picard open his eyes. And then the title Nemesis.

This could actually be done splitscreen, contrasting the life of the Clone with Picard's rise through Starfleet. Relate his assuming command of the Enterprise-D with the gloved hand picking one sample out of the multitude.

And, as a final thought, has anyone considered a plot that involves the Clone actually being used for what he was intended to be used for, namely the replacement of Jean-Luc Picard? I'm thinking just axe the Scimitar, the Remans, B-4, Tom Hardy and everything, and even the name "Shinzon," and make a story about the Clone taking over Picard's life at the behest of his Romulan masters.

 

[Whoa Nellie]

If whoever was writing this film had bothered to do a little research, they would have found that Picard remembered laughing at the odd sensation after he was stabbed through the back piercing his heart during the barroom brawl on Starbase Earhart. If Shinzon had laughed while collapsing after being stabbed in the back it would have explained Picard startled reaction. It also would have given the movie a brilliant sci-fi twist about nature versus nurture and how close is the clone to the original.

You know, that's a truly fantastic idea.

Thank you. I also loved your story idea. That would have made an awesome movie! It makes perfect sense for the Romulans to have collected DNA of many Starfleet officers, not knowing who would rise to important positions.

And, as a final thought, has anyone considered a plot that involves the Clone actually being used for what he was intended to be used for, namely the replacement of Jean-Luc Picard? I'm thinking just axe the Scimitar, the Remans, B-4, Tom Hardy and everything, and even the name "Shinzon," and make a story about the Clone taking over Picard's life at the behest of his Romulan masters.

Yep. That is exactly what I did last year with my story 'Mithras.' Although I left in the name Shinzon and the Remans.

Warmest Wishes,
Whoa Nellie

 

[Pegasus]

Fan edit of Nemesis, close to completion

Not mine, but it sounds like he's making the film more like what it wanted to be before Rick and the Bermanettes wimped out.

I'll have a look.

 

[brandnewfan]

If you want to fix all the problems of Nemesis (and Generations, First Contact & Insurrection as well), you have to have Picard and Crusher finally get together. All other problems with the film(s) are irrelevant to that.

 

[Michael]

If you want to fix all the problems of Nemesis (and Generations, First Contact & Insurrection as well), you have to have Picard and Crusher finally get together. All other problems with the film(s) are irrelevant to that.

I hope you're not serious.

 

[Similitude]

1. Get Rid of B-4, Do not kill Data. You can keep the Planet/Argo stuff just make it about finding quasi-Evidence of what Shinzon is doing without them knowing what it means yet.
2. Take out all the stupidity. (Running out of photon torpedoes, adding more decks out of nowhere etc.)
3. You can keep Shinzon but make him a Romulan/Human. No Picard clone. Maybe someone who grew up idolizing Picard?
4. No Scimitar. Have Shinzon and crew have thier own ship, but It can't be stupidly overpowered like the Scimitar.

I'm sure there is more, but those are front and center to me.

 

[Warp Coil]

- Re-write the entire Shinzon story/plot. I don't believe for one second that the Romulans would conspire to clone and replace a Starfleet Captain, abandon their plans, allow the clone to live, send him to the Remans, allow the clone to join the military, rise in power, create a top-secret super-weapon ship, kill the senate and take over the entire Romuland military. There are more plot holes and leaps in logic than a slice of swiss cheese.
- Change Shinzon's motivations. I never clearly understood them in the first place.
- Change or remove Shinzon's illness and his pursuit of Picard to get his DNA. We've already seen examples in 24th century Trek where these types of medical issues get resolved easily. Killing Picard and taking all of his blood sounds ridiculous.
- Remove the entire Reman element. It isn't necessary and we really learn very little about them. They look and behave like Vampire rejects, and it adds nothing to the story. The focus here needs to be on the Romulans. They wanted to replace the Captain of the Federation flagship. Let's explore their motivations, how they planned to pull it off, see their attempt, and deal with the ramifcations of them getting caught.
- Remove the B-4 suplot, along with the entire Argo scene. The "mirror" of Data's story to Picard's is cheap and gimmicky and isn't dramatically successful.
- Possibly still kill Data if it was essential to the plot, but don't do it for shock value
- The climax needs to be re-written, because I am sick and tired of Trek plot requiring evil villians with evil super-weapons that are counting down to destruction (see GEN and INS, as well).

Granted, these are just script issues. You'd also have to replace Stuart Baird as director if you want to save this movie.

 

[GalaxyX]

Why does Data need to die at all?

 

[brandnewfan]

If you want to fix all the problems of Nemesis (and Generations, First Contact & Insurrection as well), you have to have Picard and Crusher finally get together. All other problems with the film(s) are irrelevant to that.

I hope you're not serious.

Well, not completely serious. Although, I've been hoping for Picard/Crusher since 1987!!

 

[brandnewfan]

Why does Data need to die at all?

And more importantly, IF he HAS to die, why can't the writers make it so the viewers actually care?

Try watching Spock's death scene in TWoK and compare it to Data's "death" scene in Nemesis. It's not even just apples to oranges, it's apples to.......keyboards....or something.

 

[kustirider2]

I would re-write the entire thing, So that Data doesn't die... It could've opened up way more storylines and stuff.

 

[GalaxyX]

Exactly. I have no interest in any of this stupid emotional stuff with the death of beloved characters. Just don't kill the character off. Period.