Episode #29 season 2's #5 Xena: Warrior Princess
"The Return of Callisto" 
Now you know why I ran through those other two eps today... I KNEW this one was waiting for me!
As always, take this vid with a grain of salt. The editing can be misleading for people who can't recognize which clips are out of order and misleading the narrative, but it has great G/P scenes!.
Speaking of "misleading", TPTB that ran Xena certainly had fun pulling strings with this ep. Putting that
wonderful blonde villain aside
for a moment, lets go back to something I said about "Girls just wanna have fun".
"... that given
the show's two leads and the subtext that's been played up/down/all around as the episodes go by...it was only a matter of time before Gabrielle was seen to "attack" Xena. "
So, after titillating the audience with Gabrielle converting Xena into a Vampire/Bacchae like herself, in the very next ep we see Gabrielle toy with and discard the idea of settling down with Perdicus and raising a family... only to change her mind in mid fight and desert Xena forthwith.
The poor Warrior Princess didn't know WHAT hit her!
To my uninformed mind, this ep "proved" to me that whatever looks might have been or were passing between these two friends over the last year and a half..., nothing was acted upon, except while under the influence of a Bacchae bite. Xena looked
heartbroken during most of this ep,
first because Gabrielle was leaving her,
later because Gabrielle was herself heartsick over Perdicus' murder.
Although we know from Gabrielle's description of the
WP, "
“You know, she’s (Xena) a good person, too. She always does what’s right-- even when it hurts her. I forget that sometimes.”, we also know that the
ultra sensitive Gabrielle wouldn't have committed herself to one (Xena) person, only to drop them for another more conventional (Perdicus) life "partner". Gabrielle truly loved young Perdicus, and I find that so refreshing considering the number of old/serious suitors that turned up in Xena's life during their travels
so far. (Hercules, Marcus, Petricles)
But, the name of the game ISN"T the Curse of the Bard from Potadiea.... its ....
"The RETURN of CALLISTO!"
Prison Guard: (Throwing dice) Luck be a lady tonight!"
(Bare feet walk into view, and nearly step on the dice)
Callisto: (Dagger in hand)"You lose."
After dispatching all the prison guards single handledly to Tartarus... Callisto takes the remnants of her army and goes looking for trouble. But first, she stops to send a message to her oldest "friend"....
(Joxer is trying and failing to impress two young boys with his strength.)
Joxer: “Yeah-- I know that! That’s why I chose it!
Anybody can split an ordinary barrel in two! But, Joxer the Magnificent chose an iron-ribbed one! You see-- I like the challenge of choosing the hardest opponents, huh? The toughest,the most vicious opponents.”
Boy: “Like
them.” (Points to a gang who just entered the barn behind Joxer)
Joxer: “Right, just--
(He turns around and sees ...)whoa! Whoa! Callisto! Don’t make me hurt you.”
Callisto: “Joxer-- the last time I saw you, you wanted to join myarmy, and now you want to fight me? Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk-- I am so disappointed.”
Joxer: “Yeah-- well I turned good-- just like Xena.”
Callisto: “Yeah? Well, I haven’t.”
Joxer: “Oh--
[fumbles for words]”
Callisto: “Be a dear, and deliver a message to the good Xena for me--will you?”
Joxer: “Sure.”
Callisto: “Tell her this. She should have
killed me when she had the chance. For
every drop of innocent blood I shed-- from here on--
is on her hands as well as mine.”
Joxer: (Gulps)
“OK.”
Juxtaposing the bumbling Joxer with the super evil/super kewl Callisto is awe inspiring... you bring UP the threat factor, then bring it down again only to ratch it up once more as you leave... yes, Callisto is evil, she can hold a civil conversation without killing someone, but let there be NO mistake... she WILL be killing someone very soon.
Xena, beware!
LOVED the first meeting between Xena and Callisto, since they mirrored their first meeting in season 1. But this time, it was Xena catching the Chakram after it disarmed Callisto, and we see
Callisto's shocked face within the chakram's circular frame.
Callisto: “I’ve
missed you, Xena.”
Xena: “You
never wrote.”
I have to admit... it surprised me that Callisto left the battle, left her army fighting Xena and the villagers, while she ran away. I can't quite figure that one out, except to say that "beating" Xena on the battlefield wasn't enough. She knew she wanted to make Xena's soul, suffer and die, and mere defeats wouldn't suffice. So she left, looking for another opportunity.
And Callisto would find it, once Gabrielle told Xena
..."The answer is 'Yes', Xena. I'm going to marry him."
Despite Xena's brave face and braver words to Gabrielle when she was trying to decide her future, and after she had taken the marriage oaths... the saddest moment for me was after Gabrielle and Perdicus left the temple and
then Xena said... "Goodbye, Gabrielle."
Very reminiscent of Gabrielle's line, after she decided to leave Xena for
Xena's own good in season 1's
"The Ties that Bind".
Oh, remember that comment I made about the "
ultra sensitive Gabrielle "? Who else
but Gabrielle would be worried about their traveling companion and discussing same with her new husband on her wedding night?
Perdicus: “You’re gonna miss her, aren’t you?”
Gabrielle: “Yeah. I’m more worried about
her missing me, though. She’s gonna be all alone. I have you.”
Loved the interrogation scene between Xena & Theodorus... but just as Xena comments on Callisto's breach of etiquette, you realize this business with Gabrielle and Perdicus has thrown the Warrior Princess
off her game.
Xena: “Hello, Theodorus. We’ve been through all this before. But in case you don’t remember the details, you’ll be dead in seconds if you don’t tell me where Callisto is.”
Theodorus: “I don’t know where she is.”
Xena: “Wrong answer.”
Theodorus: “That’s the truth! She left hours ago.”
Xena: “Come on, Theodorus. She knew I was coming. She’s
much too good a hostess
not to be here to greet me.”
Theodorus: “I’m telling you the truth. When I told her you were travelling
without Gabrielle-- she said, ‘Perfect,’ and left.”
Xena,
Xena,
Xena... Callisto
TOLD YOU in that village she was pillaging... “Hmm-- hmm. Ahhh!
(Has a sword to Xena's face) Don’t move, pretty. That sentimental
side of you is a real problem now, isn’t it? You fight with your heart. That gives me advantage over you. I no longer seem to have one. I’m
not gonna kill you, now-- oh, no.
First, I’m going to kill your soul-- just like you killed mine. See you soon, my sweet
[Kiss gesture].”
Xena, how
dare you leave Gabrielle alone, just because she married.
Callisto: (Callisto has sliced Perdicus' left arm, and rolled him away. She's kicked Gabrielle who's down for the count, and is about to impale her with her sword just as Xena rides up and jumps in to save Gabrielle.) "
I longed to see you wailing over the body of your friend!”
Xena: (sword drawn) “Well, it’s
not going to happen.”
But even Xena can't save everyone... and as Callisto is thwarted with Gabrielle... she mortally wounds Perdicus as she turns to leave.
Callisto: (As Perdicus falls) That'll do.
The rest of the ep was a wonderful commentary on the mental breakdown of Gabrielle, and its effect on the Warrior Princess. From their conversation under the tree regarding Gabrielle's lust after a sword fighting lesson...
Gabrielle: “My ideals were a
lie. I thought love was the strongest power on Earth.
What a fool. Love is helpless in the face of cruelty.”
Xena: “Gabrielle, if you’re taken over by hatred-- Callisto wins.”
Gabrielle: “I’ve got news for you, Xena.
She’s already won. Now, show me how to use a sword.”
To Xena's prayer to her Olympian Gods...
Xena: “If anyone’s listening-- you know, I’m not much for praying. But I don’t know what else to do. I was ready to give up once, and... and
Gabrielle came into my life. Please-- don’t let that light that shines out of her face go out. I couldn’t stand the darkness that would follow.”
But the woman
who demanded Xena's
promise NOT to turn into a monster intent upon revenge if ever Gabrielle was killed... that woman can't feel anything except hatred and vengence. She can't even feel the sincerity of this simple prayer, or sense the despair that caused this Warrior to attempt it. No, she can
only sense that without tricking her best friend, she will
not be allowed to kill another human being.
Fortunately... the ultra sensitive Gabrielle that many of us have come to love, rediscovers her soul when she has her sword at the throat of a sleeping Callisto, and stops herself before she has gone too far.
Which
of course leads to Xena's capture, a wonderful fight where Joxer actually provides a great distraction, a chariot race and that cliche of all cliches.... QUICK SAND.
And a last, defining Xena/Callisto moment.
Callisto: [Laughs] We’re both gonna die, Xena. How wonderful. We can spend the rest of eternity in Tartarus, together-- hmm?”
Xena: “Always the
optimist.”
Callisto: (She watches Xena impale her chakram into a nearby log... then flick the end of her whip around the chakramm and pull herself from the quicksand)“Oh,
you’re good, Xena.
Xena--
help me.
Xena! Xena.
Please-- Xena.
Help me--
please?
You can’t just let me
die,
Xena. Xena. Xena.
I’m
counting on you.
Help me.
Help me!
Help me!
Xena!
(She's disappearing deep into the sand.)
Aaaaaah!”
Callisto's gone.
Perdicus is gone.
Xena and Gabrielle remain.
After stitching Joxer up, Xena goes to stand next to Gabrielle as she stares out into the distant beach/ocean.
Xena: “What were you doing?”
Gabrielle: “Loving him.”
Xena: (Who knows this for sure from Marcus)“He’ll hear your thoughts.”
Gabrielle: “I know--
forever and ever.”
Alas my dear, it won't be the last time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTzBxhBjix4
)
David's life by entering when she did... imagine what would have happened had the curse of the Bard alighted upon David's lips! Death at the maximum... and lost of his creative storytelling at the minimum!
in this ep!)
at you! I’ve got this overwhelming desire to just knock you upside your irritating blonde... (Xena grabs her young "squire" and pushes her back, quickly silencing the young woman before delivering her judgement.) ..."
and so will I.”
