Another guy kissed my girlfriend.

[Tiberius Jim]

The title says it all. She just told me today, and it happened last night. The dude is a coworker of her's, and when they closed up shop, he asked her if she wanted to hang out. Now, she's told me this guy has weirded her out a bit at work before, so I'm still not sure why she agreed to go hang out at his house in the first place, but that's what happened.

He took her to his room supposedly to show her his computer (she's a bit of a tech geek like myself). I guess at one point, he looked...pensive. She asked what he was thinking about. He says, "Close your eyes." Not sure what was going on, she did so. That's when he leans in and kisses her.

She immediately pulled away and asked him what the hell he thought he was doing. He basically professes his feelings for her right then and there. He wants her to flat out tell him if she's not attracted or interested. She tells him...she's not attracted, interested OR available. He says he doesn't care that she's not available, because he goes after the things he wants, or some bullshit like that. She again says no, she doesn't want anything like that. He then tells her he either wants to be with her, or nothing at all. If she won't be his girlfriend he doesn't want her as a friend...

So she said, "Okay...bye."

Sadly, that's not the end of him. She is his coworker. At the store she just got transferred to. Her transfer to this store basically saved her job. Had she stayed at her previous location, she would have been fired due to her poor sales numbers. This new store has much better clientele and more traffic, so she can make a lot more money. Unfortunately, she'll be working with this piece of shit. She can't exactly complain because this happened off of company time and property, and he's always a model employee at work. He also text messaged her today saying he changed his mind, and will still be her friend. Oh, thank God... He also accused her of leading him on by simply "being sexy."

So now I have the dilemma as the boyfriend of what to do. Part of me wants to simply end this guy. While I don't see my girlfriend as property, you simply do not make a move on another guy's girl. And when you do, you should face some sort of consequences. I just don't know what to do, but feel I should do something. If I do nothing, he'll assume she didn't tell me, or that I'm too weak to confront him. If I do confront him and end up kicking his ass, we've got legal and criminal issues to deal with. There's got to be something in between, and I'm not in a state of mind to figure it out. I'm pissed at this guy, and a little mad at her for putting herself in that situation...but mostly just pissed at him.

Anyway, any sage advice from you guys would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Scout101]

Advice? Stay out of it. Sounds like she dealt with it as best she could, and not her fault. She (says) she made things clear, now she just needs to avoid him completely, and not talk to him. Don't respond to texts, etc. And if he pulls that shit at work, or goes for her again, you're a little more justified. Basically, he took a shot and screwed up. It's what he does NOW that matters.

Not defending him, but who's never taken a shot at someone that had a boyfriend/girlfriend? Not talking about some woman with a husband and 3 kids, but hey, it happens. Attraction is funny like that, and most people tend to think highly of themselves, so why wouldn't you think you could be better for her than that 'other' guy? Once you get shut down, though, gotta walk away...

 

[Rii]

While I don't see my girlfriend as property, you simply do not make a move on another guy's girl. And when you do, you should face some sort of consequences.

Now there's an interesting juxtaposition.

 

[Tiberius Jim]

Well the funny thing is, I was actually in a somewhat similar place as he is about a year ago. She had a boyfriend and I was her coworker with a crush. That is where the similarities end. I didn't make my feelings known until after I found out her boyfriend was verbally and physically abusive and I made it clear that my main concern was getting her out of that relationship, regardless of whether or not she wanted to be with me. It wasn't until after she had broken up with him that I made a move physically. This guy, however, jumps at the first chance he gets to make a move, even though he knows she's not only with someone, but happy. So as you can probably tell, there's some added resentment because I was in that position, but had the strength and respect to keep my distance.

I do agree though. It all comes down to what he does next.

 

[O'Dib]

Maybe something passive-aggressive is in order. Like pierce his tires. He'd have no proof it was you, but it would still send a message. Downside, gf might think you're psycho.

 

[Tiberius Jim]

I don't know if I want to go as far as property damage. From what I hear his car is enough of a piece of shit as it is. I do think visiting her more at work when he's around...maybe glaring the ever living shit out of him might be enough for now...unless he decides to keep this crap going.

While I don't see my girlfriend as property, you simply do not make a move on another guy's girl. And when you do, you should face some sort of consequences.

Now there's an interesting juxtaposition.

I'm not exactly sure what you find so interesting about it. As I said, she's not an object to be owned or possessed...but at the same time, it is universally frowned upon to make a move like that on a girl who has a boyfriend. It's a definite violation of the sacred Bro Code and shouldn't be allowed to go unpunished.

 

[Pingfah]

Nothing is in order, if your girlfriend is trustworthy then he isn't gonna get what he wants. Nothing more is required, and retribution is just pathetically childish.

 

[Jetfire]

I say knock him the fuck out.

 

[Pingfah]

Have you ever knocked someone the fuck out?

 

[Emher]

I say knock him the fuck out.

First though is that. But the more sensible part kicks in and agrees with Pingfah. I'd be very wary of the situation though.

 

[Jetfire]

Have you ever knocked someone the fuck out?

Yeah, but it was along time ago...

I am sorry this guy seems creepy and slimey.

The girl knew this based on the info provided...why gals do this is beyond me...either way he knew her status and didn't care...what an ass.

 

[Pingfah]

I say knock him the fuck out.

First though is that. But the more sensible part kicks in and agrees with Pingfah. I'd be very wary of the situation though.

Exactly, you resort to violence when someone is an immediate threat, this guy is just some loser who tried to kiss Flux's girlfriend and she told him to fuck off.

Flux should be happy his girlfriend is honest with him, and committed to him. He's already the winner here, he doesn't need to hit anyone.

 

[Jetfire]

^
Ok, maybe he shouldn't go out of his way to attack him...but if this guy ever comes up to him and starts talking shit...which guys like this usually do...but not always...then yes he needs to knock him the fuck out right then and there.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

^
Ok, maybe he shouldn't go out of his way to attack him...but if this guy ever comes up to him and starts talking shit...which guys like this usually do...but not always...then yes he needs to knock him the fuck out right then and there.

If we search hard enough, there's always an excuse to "knock the fuck right out of someone"!

So if his girlfriend didn't reject the advances and had in fact been unfaithful, I guess he would be in his rights to "knock the fuck out of" her. Cool!

 

[ST-One]

Your girlfriend handled this situation perfectly.
You should do nothing - unless you want to look like a complete ass and the owner of your girlfriend.

 

[Jetfire]

^
WTF? I didn't say he should hit her???

 

[Rii]

While I don't see my girlfriend as property, you simply do not make a move on another guy's girl. And when you do, you should face some sort of consequences.

Now there's an interesting juxtaposition.

I'm not exactly sure what you find so interesting about it. As I said, she's not an object to be owned or possessed...but at the same time, it is universally frowned upon to make a move like that on a girl who has a boyfriend. It's a definite violation of the sacred Bro Code and shouldn't be allowed to go unpunished.

Your concern is not for your girlfriend, but for yourself. Guy made a move on your property, guy's gotta pay, right?

If someone were to attempt to kiss your mother in this manner, would you feel compelled to act because she's your mother, or because she's your mother? Replace "mother" with "girlfriend" and the emphasis changes. The harm - or lack thereof - inflicted is immaterial, because when it's your girlfriend it's not about her, it's about you. It's no different than a guy stealing your car. Who cares what condition it was returned in, the point is he stole your property.

 

[Deks]

So ... on one hand you say that you don't see your girlfriend as your property, and on the other you say: 'You simply don't move on another's guy girl?'
Respectfully, that's hypocritical, not to mention a bit delusional.
You don't own her in ANY capacity.
Get that through your head if you expect your relationship to last (unless she's the type that likes to be considered as property).

People have the right to express their feelings to others (taken or not).
If they aren't interested and/or have enough self-esteem to deal with it, they will refuse them and nip the issue before it actually becomes one.

Doing anything passive-aggressive against this guy and behaving all 'macho' will get you nowhere.

Your girlfriend is a grown up, and hence she can take care of herself.

If she refused this guys advances, and if he backed away then there is little to no point in interfering.
If you do anything, it could actually upset things between you and your girlfriend.

Unless she actually asks you interfere, I'd suggest you move past the issue.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Your girlfriend handled this situation perfectly.
You should do nothing - unless you want to look like a complete ass and the owner of your girlfriend.

Exactly. The situation is taken care of. There's no need to get involved at all. If it gets to a point where she can't handle it, then it's time to step in.

 

[iguana_tonante]

As much as my Neanderthal brain would like to punch him, I would not confront him, not yet. He took a long shot, and failed. If things end here, it's no biggies. As it was pointed out, you don't make a move on somebody's girlfriend... but yeah, sometimes you do. I won't cast the first stone about that.

However, if he starts harassing your girl, or simply being a dick, I would talk to him. Emphasis on talk. No need to be angry or threatening, but make clear that some kinds of behaviour are not permissible and they will not be permitted. As the old saying goes, speak softly but carry a big stick.

Or just end him and let him swim with concrete galoshes.