Well, Christmas is now a week away, and I'm feeling a little solemn. I went to the corner store earlier today and the nice man there asked me if I was going home for the holidays, and I said that I was, so he said how nice that must be for me being able to spend some time with my family. I murmured back a "Yeah", but the truth is I won't be. I'm going to be alone on Christmas.
I am going back home (tomorrow morning, in fact), but my mom and her boyfriend will be leaving on Sunday to go see his family for a week. They need someone to stay and watch the house so I volunteered, but it's not just the thought of being literally alone that gets to me. For one thing, this is the second year in a row I've been single during the holidays. For another, this year marks the seventh since my dad passed away. After writing that long story about how wonderful and important spending the holidays was with him as a child, I find myself thinking about it more than I usually would. It seems like the more time passes since the last time I saw him or heard his voice, the harder it becomes to deny his absence, and the easier it becomes to miss him.
Now, on the other hand, when you start to really think about the things that are missing from your life, or the things that have changed, you invariably begin to think about the things you've gained, or the things that you still have. These are the things that, at times like this especially, you can better appreciate and be thankful for.
For one, it's no small gift that my mom is still around and that she's found this wonderful man to fill a part of her life and make her happy. I could even be going on this trip with them if I had wanted to, but it was my choice not to, the same way it was my choice to be single. And the fact is, I still get to celebrate Christmas with my family, it'll just be later (really, who cares what day you do it?). And although my biological family may have gotten smaller, my extended family has gotten larger. I have friends that I love and who love me like any family would (in fact, I've been invited to at least two Christmas dinners). On top of all that, I've got my health, food to eat, most of my life in front of me, and then of course, there are all of you crazy bastards.
In the end, I'm pretty blessed. I have a lot in my life, and a lot to be thankful for. But the thought that continues to pester me is that, despite all of that, come Christmas morning, I will be waking up in a big empty house all by myself.
So tell me, who else is going to be spending Christmas alone (literally or figuratively), and whether you are or not, what do you have to be thankful for this holiday season?
(BTW, This isn't meant to be a pity thread. In fact, I'm a little embarrassed to be posting it, but these thoughts have just been rumbling around my head all day, and I needed a place to voice them.
)
I am going back home (tomorrow morning, in fact), but my mom and her boyfriend will be leaving on Sunday to go see his family for a week. They need someone to stay and watch the house so I volunteered, but it's not just the thought of being literally alone that gets to me. For one thing, this is the second year in a row I've been single during the holidays. For another, this year marks the seventh since my dad passed away. After writing that long story about how wonderful and important spending the holidays was with him as a child, I find myself thinking about it more than I usually would. It seems like the more time passes since the last time I saw him or heard his voice, the harder it becomes to deny his absence, and the easier it becomes to miss him.
Now, on the other hand, when you start to really think about the things that are missing from your life, or the things that have changed, you invariably begin to think about the things you've gained, or the things that you still have. These are the things that, at times like this especially, you can better appreciate and be thankful for.
For one, it's no small gift that my mom is still around and that she's found this wonderful man to fill a part of her life and make her happy. I could even be going on this trip with them if I had wanted to, but it was my choice not to, the same way it was my choice to be single. And the fact is, I still get to celebrate Christmas with my family, it'll just be later (really, who cares what day you do it?). And although my biological family may have gotten smaller, my extended family has gotten larger. I have friends that I love and who love me like any family would (in fact, I've been invited to at least two Christmas dinners). On top of all that, I've got my health, food to eat, most of my life in front of me, and then of course, there are all of you crazy bastards.
In the end, I'm pretty blessed. I have a lot in my life, and a lot to be thankful for. But the thought that continues to pester me is that, despite all of that, come Christmas morning, I will be waking up in a big empty house all by myself.
So tell me, who else is going to be spending Christmas alone (literally or figuratively), and whether you are or not, what do you have to be thankful for this holiday season?
(BTW, This isn't meant to be a pity thread. In fact, I'm a little embarrassed to be posting it, but these thoughts have just been rumbling around my head all day, and I needed a place to voice them.
)
And get some really good Christmas movies to watch. I will suggest It's a Wonderful Life.
