Why Do Parents Allow Their Adult Children To Move Back In?

[Knight Templar]

It seems over the last decade or two we've had the phenomena of grown kids (post college, sometimes post marriage and divorce) moving back in with their parents and living with them for an extended period.

Why do parents allow and even encourage this? My parents would never dream of allowing much less encouraging one of their children to move back home. Sure, they would help one of their kids if they needed money or something but they never dream of their kids actually living with them again except for three or four days during vacations or during a holidays.

Do many parents suffer from some sort of guilt complex when it comes to their kids and their ability to survive and thrive on their own?

 

[trekkiedane]

It's partly a sign of the times, the 'financial crisis' has had people of different generations move in with each other for quite some time now.

ETA: Back in the late eighties I actually had to move back in with my parents -I wasn't a student any more and could therefore not keep living in student housing AND had been studying in the other end of the country... took me a couple of months to find a place to live cheap enough for me to afford and here's what I learned during that time: Don't ever move back in with your parents!.

 

[CaptainStoner]

You're thinking too much. The word is family.

 

[Methos]

agreed...

A few of my friends have had to do it after Uni, because of the job market and house prices around London, it's just not viable to get out there on their own yet...

M

 

[trekkiedane]

The word is family.

But that's just a genetic conspiracy!

 

[SilentP]

agreed...

A few of my friends have had to do it after Uni, because of the job market and house prices around London, it's just not viable to get out there on their own yet...

M

Pretty much this. Not many of my friends I know can afford to live away from their family, even to move in with other people, they don't have the jobs to afford rent.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Moving back in to save money, achieve a goal etc.. usually works out okay as they are now adults and will pay rent and help out. It's the ones that are adults and have yet to leave EVER that are and have a problem.

 

[thestrangequark]

You're thinking too much. The word is family.

Exactly. I hope I never have to burden her, and I work hard to ensure that I don't, but I still know that should I ever need it, there will always be room for me in my mother's house. Likewise there will always be room for her in my house if she ever needs me.

 

[SmoothieX]

I see it as the parents going out of their way to help them as opposed to babying them. Helping them get on their feet as an adult and build up a little bit of a financial foundation before going at it alone.

Think about it, you're 22, you just graduated. You're $20k in the hole with student debts and have some shitty entry level position earning the equivalent of a turkey sandwich and a bag of footballs. When I got out of school 10 years ago, I was making $37k, so I wasn't exactly rolling in the dough.

You also probably have a car payment, the insurance that goes along with that, and absolutely no furniture of your own. Then throw in the cost of utilities, groceries, and oh yeah, monthly rent.

That's a big burden to someone just starting out. I lived at home when I was in graduate school to save money. Managed to earn my masters without owing a penny afterwards, while paying down my undergrad loan. If my parents weren't so generous, there is no way I would have been able to do that.

I didn't pay rent, but I did all sorts of stuff around the house for them - yard work, snow removal, laundry, cooking, painting, etc.

 

[Starbreaker]

I moved back in with my parents for about 18 months. Saving up for a deposit for rent, a down payment for a car, a deposit for power, car insurance down payment, water deposit, pet deposit, and furniture was brutal. It wasn't until I got this new job that I could make the leap and get out there on my own.

 

[PsychoPere]

I had to move back in with my parents after a roommate situation fell apart a few years back. At the time I couldn't afford an apartment on my own. About a year after that, I lost my job three weeks before I was set to move out again. I was unemployed for two years, so it would've been impossible for me to move out at that point. I've since finished my bachelor degree but only have a part-time job making $9 an hour, so unfortunately I still can't afford to move out.

Not all of us have families who can provide us with employment or are able to give us a house as a "gift," KT.

 

[Amasov]

I've been living out of the house for a few years now, but I'm already contemplating the possibility of going back; the job search is getting harder and more frustrating each day, plus my mother's health isn't as its best, so part of me feels like there should be someone there to help her out during the day.

My parents would have me back, but at the same time, they're also VERY supportive and would help me out from where I am if I need it. So far, I've been lucky and it hasn't come to that.

 

[Lumi]

It's what being a parent is all about. Yes, you want them to grow up and get out on their own, but if they are struggling and they need your help, you're going to want to help them out.

Really not the same thing as "kids" who just refuse to grow up, get a job, or pay any bills.

 

[Kirby]

I moved back in with my parents for about five months after I graduated college. At the time I was working at night so we rarely saw each other, and in lieu of rent, I did a lot of painting and minor repair work since they were putting the house on the market.
Of course, I've never really had a problem with my parents, so when we were together it wasn't bad at all.

 

[Brolan]

Parents are all different. I remember during parent orientation, when my oldest son went to college, they asked if we were excited our kids were moving out? A cheer went up from the parents while an emphatic "NO!" boomed inside my head.

I love my kids and would always let them stay.

 

[sidious618]

Some parents love their kids. Why wouldn't they welcome them back?

 

[Kestra]

My parents are from a culture where it's odd not to live together. I moved back in for a little before I was married and they would have been offended if I paid rent. I'm actually really glad that we had that time together because I was able to develop a relationship with them as an adult. I also appreciate them more and that time together since I've moved to the other side of the country.

I'd happily have my parents or in-laws live with us in the future.

 

[Mary Ann]

I've never understood the "kick the kids out the moment they turn 18" mentality. I lived at home 'til I was 26, except for a couple of years at an out-of-town university, because the university from which I graduated was local, and rent in Toronto was already astronomical in the early 90s. One of my brothers moved out for a few years and then moved back home for quite a few years, again because it saved him from paying a crippling rent. In the end he landed a job in Amsterdam and was able to pay down more than half the cost of his flat as he was able to save up while still living at home. My parents never expected rent from us, but we paid for small things and did most of the chores.

My youngest child may never be able to live independently, and if there's no group home or supported living accommodation available where he can live a full and happy life he's staying with me and my husband. My other children have no deadline for them to be out of the house. The way the economy is they may take some years after graduating to get on their feet, and they'll not be forced out until they're financially ready to do so.

 

[Knight Templar]

Some parents love their kids. Why wouldn't they welcome them back?

because a huge part of good parenting is producing children capable and willing to make it on their own.

 

[Darth Duck]

I'm 25 and I moved back in with my parents a few months ago. None of us are thrilled with the arrangement but it's helping me get back on my feet. I'm pretty sure they don't want me living on the street. It has nothing to do with guilt and everything to do with practicality.