Touch aversion

[Miss Chicken]

I went to the funeral of a very close friend today and I hated the fact that her sisters wanted to give me hugs. Except for one exception I barely know her sisters. One of her sisters had not seen my friend for 30 years let alone me.

I am not sure why I don’t like being touched especially by people I barely know. I can accept touch when it done for medical reasons (dentist, doctor etc) but I dislike going to get a haircut.

I have no idea why I am like this. I am asexual but I don’t think that is it. Maybe I just don’t like people in my personal space.

Am I strange? Or are others on the Trekbbs like me?

 

[NCC-73515]

I have a friend who hates being touched by anyone, even friends and family. I'm sad I can't hug him even when there's an occasion, but glad he told me.

 

[DEWLine]

Not strange.

 

[Alexander Corrino]

I am very much like this, too. I hate being touched, especially by men. It makes me flinch sometimes, even. It really doesn't help that some people don't know any boundaries and just touch strangers without giving it a second thought. It freaks me out. I loved how everyone kept their distance during the pandemic. It was SO relaxing to actually have the space I need to feel comfortable.

It's interesting how I also have a funeral to talk about in this context - for me it was my mother's funeral a few years ago (pre-pandemic). I had personally made sure that the orbituary stated "please do not approach the family at the grave", but of course nobody cared about this and people started to approach me and hug me and I apparently looked so panicked and miserable that my aunt noticed and asked me if I wanted to walk with her, which I immediately accepted because I realized she was trying to pull me away from everyone. People I had never seen before (who were apparently cousins of my grandmother???) were hugging me. Hald of the village seemed to be there, one big line. It was horrible. On top of my mother's unexpected and sudden death I now had strangers hugging me. It was one of the worst emotional moments of my life. I still remain grateful to my aunt for pulling me away. I don't think I'd have been able to stand there much longer. I'd have run. I am an incredibly private person, I prefer to not let emotions show in public (much less do I know how to actually DEAL with emotions, but that's a subject for another day) and then all these crying people approach me and try to hug me and whatnot. Horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

It's not just strangers tho. If I were involved with some guy he had better not touch me without asking before or at least giving me the space to either accept or reject his touch (hugging me from behind as a surprise is the biggest NO NO). It would freak me out otherwise. This is reason number zillion why I don't care for relationships. Most people think touching is an integral part of a relationship.

 

[Relayer1]

Everyone's personal space bubble is different and changes by circumstances. Mines at skin level some of the time.

I don't like haircuts - haven't had one for...many decades ! Advantages of having long hair - trim your ends and you're good to go !

 

[Tosk]

I don't particularly like being touched either. People are quick to take offense when you don't want to shake their hand. Too bad.

 

[John Clark]

Not strange.
I can usually manage if I've had a second to prepare, but if not, even with people I've known for years, I'll just freeze up. (Very close family get a pass but I know I've hurt one person that I was getting close to when I just froze up on them

Oddly, barbers don't tend to bother me

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Sometimes, people "give" hugs because they feel they need them. That's not a justification for invading someone's personal space, but I'm just throwing it out there to offer some possible additional perspective.

 

[fireproof78]

I have no idea why I am like this. I am asexual but I don’t think that is it. Maybe I just don’t like people in my personal space.

Makes perfect sense to me.

 

[DonIago]

I generally don't like physical contact with people I don't have an emotional connection to. I'll endure it in the interests of diplomacy or protocol, but I won't be happy about it and I tend to feel awkward when it occurs.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

@Miss Chicken, you are most definitely NOT strange. If you don't like to be touched, that is your absolute right. I don't like being touched either. Somebody taps me on the shoulder to get my attention and I'll spin around in a fighting stance.

If I'm having a physical, I don't have a problem with my doc touching me. Part of the process. Same with dentists. But pretty much everybody else, stay the away.

 

[NCC-73515]

https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1519231112

 

[Ar-Pharazon]

I'm a confirmed non-hugger myself in addition to being a dedicated anti-social person.

People....not my area.

 

[Jack Wolfe]

Not strange at all. I can't stand "Space invaders," especially the ones who stand too close and still feel the need to lean in. An unexpected tap on the shoulder is met with a flinch at least. Brief handshakes are tolerable, but over 1 second and I break away. Hugs from my wife, certain relatives, and dear friends are welcome. Otherwise, a warm smile is much more preferable.

Haircuts are fine. Medical exams/procedures are tolerable, but anything outside the routine requires explanation.

Cats, on the other hand, are perfectly welcome. Doesn't matter if they're my fuzzbabies, a friend's, or the kitties at the bookstore. I'm up for the snuggles.

I'm sure all this stems from being an introvert. I can play the extrovert for public speaking or musical/stage performances, but a lot of quiet, solitary downtime is required afterwards. Again, cats are welcome. People need not apply.

 

[fireproof78]

I don't mind it from people in moderation and usually need a space break after the day.

Animals are not in my comfort zone.

 

[C.E. Evans]

While I don't give hugs, I don't mind getting them. I don't think I have any aversion of being touched, because it's genuinely always a sign of friendship or endearment--even from people I just met. That being said, I don't touch others. I think I have more respect for their personal space than my own.

Also...I'm a big guy who tends to be around a lot of women both at and away from work. It's kind of just smart for me to keep my hands to myself, so none of them can accuse me of anything that might be called inappropriate. But I don't really mind if they touch me, however. In fact, I kind of like it as I see it as fondness towards me.

 

[DonIago]

I don't mind it from people in moderation and usually need a space break after the day.

Animals are not in my comfort zone.

But humans are anim....oh, I see what you did there.

 

[DonIago]

While I don't give hugs, I don't mind getting them. I don't think I have any aversion of being touched, because it's genuinely always a sign of friendship or endearment--even from people I just met. That being said, I don't touch others. I think I have more respect for their personal space than my own.

Also...I'm a big guy who tends to be around a lot of women both at and away from work. It's kind of just smart for me to keep my hands to myself, so none of them can accuse me of anything that might be called inappropriate. But I don't really mind if they touch me, however. In fact, I kind of like it as I see it as fondness towards me.

I used to think I was a non-hugger but open to receiving them, but more recently I've come to believe that it's just that other people are more willing to initiate hugs without emotional substance than I am. I'm happy to initiate with someone to whom I feel an emotional connection, and indeed there have been instances where I felt I was more demonstrative than the other party.

 

[urbandefault]

I'm a trained handshaker, going back to the 70s. It's uncomfortable but I tolerate it. Many years in sales and stuff kinda makes you a little numb.

Side hugs are ok, but awkward. Most of my grandkids seem to feel the same. That's what we do, and they're ok with it.

Strangers get a handshake if it's a funeral or business, otherwise it's a "Nice to meet ya" nod.

 

[C.E. Evans]

I used to think I was a non-hugger but open to receiving them, but more recently I've come to believe that it's just that other people are more willing to initiate hugs without emotional substance than I am. I'm happy to initiate with someone to whom I feel an emotional connection, and indeed there have been instances where I felt I was more demonstrative than the other party.

I still consider myself a non-hugger, but only in the sense of a giver. I think I'm more concerned about smothering others than others smothering me. There was only one time I turned down a hug, and that was when I was a self-centered teenager, and I've felt bad about that for a very long time now.