The absolute worst film you've ever seen
- Thread starter PureCrimson
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Amaris
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This why I find threads like these fascinating. We can both see a film, and where you see it as awful, irritating, frustrating, etc., I see it as one of the best modern sci-fi fantasy films ever made, in an "I will fight you*" kind of way. It just goes to show how subjective taste can be.
*Please don't fight me, I'm a bleeder.
Anytime this topic comes up, my usual response is "You folks have not seen enough bad movies." 
Seriously, are we just talking recent big-budget disappointments, or are we talking serious Z-level schlock? Because no matter what one thinks of some would-be summer blockbuster, in what universe are the likes of NEMESIS or THE FIFTH ELEMENT worse than, say, THE CREEPING TERROR or DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN or GALAXINA or THE HOWLING 2: YOUR SISTER IS A WEREWOLF . . . ?
Blockbuster shelves once sagged beneath the weight of dreadful straight-to-video junk that make most of the films cited above seem like masterpieces by comparison. Those of us who survived the likes of HIGHLANDER 2 and JUNGLE WOMAN laugh in mockery.
(Which reminds me, where is my DVD of BRIDE OF THE GORILLA?)
Seriously, are we just talking recent big-budget disappointments, or are we talking serious Z-level schlock? Because no matter what one thinks of some would-be summer blockbuster, in what universe are the likes of NEMESIS or THE FIFTH ELEMENT worse than, say, THE CREEPING TERROR or DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN or GALAXINA or THE HOWLING 2: YOUR SISTER IS A WEREWOLF . . . ?
Blockbuster shelves once sagged beneath the weight of dreadful straight-to-video junk that make most of the films cited above seem like masterpieces by comparison. Those of us who survived the likes of HIGHLANDER 2 and JUNGLE WOMAN laugh in mockery.
(Which reminds me, where is my DVD of BRIDE OF THE GORILLA?)
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Amaris
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I've seen an assload of schlocky films, but I don't really count certain ones. For example, I only go back so far, and don't include movies from the 1930s or 1940s, because cinematic techniques have changed drastically since those days, so they get a pass. After that, though, it's all open season. If I don't post a movie I've seen, but it's one I believe is truly awful, then that makes it forgettable, which is a far greater crime.Anytime this topic comes up, my usual response is "You folks have not seen enough bad movies."
Seriously, are we just talking recent big-budget disappointments, or are we talking serious Z-level schlock? Because no matter what one thinks of some would-be summer blockbuster, in what universe are the likes of NEMESIS or THE FIFTH ELEMENT worse than, say, THE CREEPING TERROR or DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN or GALAXINA or THE HOWLING 2: YOUR SISTER IS A WEREWOLF . . . ?
Blockbuster shelves once sagged beneath the weight of dreadful straight-to-video junk that make most of the films cited above seem like masterpieces by comparison. Those of us who survived the likes of HIGHLANDER 2 and JUNGLE WOMAN laugh in mockery.
(Which reminds me, where is my DVD of BRIDE OF THE GORILLA?)
But the thing is, there are still tons of old movies from 30s and 40s that are still just as good as they ever were. The movies I cited are not bad because they're old or dated. They were just as cheap and amateurish back in the day.
Just saying that calling THE VILLAGE or whatever the worst movie ever makes no sense in a world in which THE ATTACK OF THE FIFTY-FOOT WOMAN or DRACULA'S DOG exist. Let's keep things in perspective here.
Says the guy who was sorely tempted by GIDGET GOES HAWAIIAN the other night, even though I've seen it before.
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Amaris
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That's the thing about it, though, because tastes *are* so different. For example, I consider Citizen Kane to be an exercise in tedium, even though I'm aware of its technical achievements.But the thing is, there are still tons of old movies from 30s and 40s that are still just as good as they ever were. The movies I cited are not bad because they're old or dated. They were just as cheap and amateurish back in the day.
Just saying that calling THE VILLAGE or whatever the worst movie ever makes no sense in a world in which THE ATTACK OF THE FIFTY-FOOT WOMAN or DRACULA'S DOG exist. Let's keep things in perspective here.
Says the guy who was sorely tempted by GIDGET GOES HAWAIIAN the other night, even though I've seen it before.
But the subject is the worst the poster has seen. Personally, if I see a bad movie, I saw it expecting it to be good and they fooled me. The direct-to-video stuff etc., I'll never see because I expect it to be bad.
Someone mentioned the Fifth Element. Yes, I'll add that to mine too.
I absolutely hated almost every aspect of that film, and sitting through it once was a very taxing ordeal.
I absolutely hated almost every aspect of that film, and sitting through it once was a very taxing ordeal.
Chris Tucker was the worst part of "The Fifth Element". Totally un-needed, totally annoying, if you edited him out, you'd not lose much, if you wrote him out of the script you'd lose nothing.
Anything scifi/horror at least can lean on the supernatural/fantastical premise. And the older ones like these have plenty of nostalgia to appreciate. The worst movies to sit through are everyday dramas or comedies that are just plain boring.
I'd say that about most of the script, to be honest. A lot of it was pointless spectacle.
I suppose there are lots of ways to define "worst": most disappointing, most offensive, most incompetent, most boring, most ridiculous, etc.
Honestly, one of the worst movies I ever saw was a foreign art flick whose title escapes me. A man and a woman meet at a lonely train station in the middle of nowhere. He doesn't speak her language. She doesn't speak his. They glare at each other for days, they fight, they have sex, then one day she gets back on the train and goes away. Who was she? What was her story? He'll never know . . ..
I suppose it was supposed to be a profound meditation on the inability of men and women to truly communicate with each other, but it was mostly 120 minutes of two people glumly not talking to each other in a single, dingy setting, punctuated by bouts of angry sex. Tedious does not begin to describe it . . ...
Honestly, one of the worst movies I ever saw was a foreign art flick whose title escapes me. A man and a woman meet at a lonely train station in the middle of nowhere. He doesn't speak her language. She doesn't speak his. They glare at each other for days, they fight, they have sex, then one day she gets back on the train and goes away. Who was she? What was her story? He'll never know . . ..
I suppose it was supposed to be a profound meditation on the inability of men and women to truly communicate with each other, but it was mostly 120 minutes of two people glumly not talking to each other in a single, dingy setting, punctuated by bouts of angry sex. Tedious does not begin to describe it . . ...
I think the problem for me was that I had heard such good things about it, so I was eager to check it out, and man, I was simply annoyed by the look of the world, the character writing, and most of all, the science fiction caliber of writing.
Very underwhelming to my sensibilities in that regard, but when you combine every other aspect, it was quite a chore to watch just a single time.
I don't consider it to be on par with my first pick of Amazing Grace and Chuck, but it was pretty rough to sit through and I have no desire to ever see it again. And I'm amazed I made it that one time.
Okay, I have another contender: THE BRIDE (1985) starring Sting and Jennifer Beals, an excruciatingly dull remake of THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN that seems to go on forever. Its big problem, structurally, is that they have a beginning and an ending, but seemingly no idea what to do inbetween, so Sting and Beals just pose and brood and angst in a murky old castle for most of the movie. You can grow old and die waiting for something interesting to happen.
To be fair, Clancy Brown is not bad as the monster, but he's relegated to subplot involving a dwarf, which is pretty much the best part of the movie. (You know you're in trouble when they have to keep cutting away from the leads because the dwarf sidekick is stealing the movie.)
P.S. The novelization by Vonda McIntyre is much more enjoyable.
To be fair, Clancy Brown is not bad as the monster, but he's relegated to subplot involving a dwarf, which is pretty much the best part of the movie. (You know you're in trouble when they have to keep cutting away from the leads because the dwarf sidekick is stealing the movie.)
P.S. The novelization by Vonda McIntyre is much more enjoyable.
For some reason I like The Fifth Element a lot more than I probably ought to have.
The only movie I've walked out of was Pasolini's Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom, which I found distasteful in almost all respects. I made it as far as the coprophagy scene - even though I know the ordure in question was actually chocolate ice cream.
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I actually sat through about an hour of the legendarily bad Plan 9 from Outer Space -- watched it with some friends on a mutual dare when it ran on one of those local Saturday-afternoon creature-feature programs. An hour was all any of us could stand. The acting was bad, the effects were horrible, and nothing about it made any sense. You don't think any movie could be as bad as that one is supposed to be? You're wrong -- it's at least that bad.
More recently, a friend of mine and I made it even less far into Bridesmaids. We came to the conclusion that if this is what great modern comedy looks like, we're too old to appreciate it. We made it as far as the "food poisoning" scene before we were like, "This is gross, disgusting, and worst of all, not funny!" Upside: I talked her into renting X-Men: First Class as a replacement.
More recently, a friend of mine and I made it even less far into Bridesmaids. We came to the conclusion that if this is what great modern comedy looks like, we're too old to appreciate it. We made it as far as the "food poisoning" scene before we were like, "This is gross, disgusting, and worst of all, not funny!" Upside: I talked her into renting X-Men: First Class as a replacement.
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