Politeness question for little people

[Nerys Ghemor]

...or those who know a little person who can answer this question.

I've recently gained a few co-workers who are little people (or very close to it), and I was wondering: what is the proper way for an average-sized person to keep the height disparity from becoming an annoyance to a little person one is speaking with or working with? Most forms of disrespect seem very obvious in my mind. Are there any less obvious things that would come across as disrespect that an average-sized person should watch out for?

I rarely get to see these co-workers in person (we have different territories most of the month), so that's why I am not able to ask the question directly of them, as to what is most comfortable.

I apologize in advance for my ignorance. This is only asked because I want to make sure I do not unwittingly create an inconvenience for my co-workers--and at the same time I don't want to accidentally make a jackass of myself (which I am aware can indeed include overcompensation). I want to make sure that we can work together (and goof off together after work--one of them in particular is REALLY cool to talk to ) effortlessly, when we meet.

 

[RoJoHen]

I am confused by this topic. Why don't you just talk to them like you'd talk to any average-sized person?

 

[Ar-Pharazon]

No apology is necessary, you're trying, which is more than most people would do.

I've never known any little persons, though I've seen one or two, so I'm no real help.

I imagine they would just want to be treated the "same" as everyone else, though that assumes one doesn't treat everyone like crap.

I suppose making eye contact, in a natural way, is best. Y'know, just standing a little further away to make the same eye contact you would with anyone else. Not crouching down like you were talking to a child. That would probably come off as demeaning.

 

[sojourner]

Don't pick them up to talk "eye to eye".

But seriously, it sounds like you want to treat them different in order to not treat them different?

 

[RoJoHen]

I mean, I'm sure it depends on the person. Aside from the height thing, little people are no different from average people. Some are assholes; some are very nice; some don't want you do draw attention to their size; some joke around about being small.

Assess the individual and treat them as you would anybody else. Don't just immediately treat them differently because they're short.

 

[sbk1234]

I will give you credit for caring enough to ask. It is more than most people do. Of my friends who are little people, the one thing that they've told me they don't like is when people squat down to their level to speak to them, as if they were talking to children. Stand tall as you would for anyone.
I also think if you have questions about what is proper, ask them. Most people will appreciate someone trying to be thoughtful. And of course, all people are different. What my friends have shared with me may not work for another.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

I am confused by this topic. Why don't you just talk to them like you'd talk to any average-sized person?

Oh, trust me, we talk. Generally on the phone because we aren't in the same state most of the time, but we talk, a lot. Getting off the phone is hard! We rarely have contact in person, though.

What I do not want to do is unwittingly send a signal that I don't mean to. And thank you to SBK for a practical answer to the question as opposed to making assumptions.

 

[scotpens]

Okay, somebody had to . . .

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YC8C5kq7hds[/yt]

 

[thestrangequark]

If you're really this concerned then ask them. They're the ones who can give you the best answer.

 

[JarodRussell]

Just say midgets and get it over with.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Likely will, next time we actually see each other face-to-face.

And no, Jarod--not sure what your native language is, but "midgets" is not a nice term in English.

 

[RoJoHen]

What I do not want to do is unwittingly send a signal that I don't mean to. And thank you to SBK for a practical answer to the question as opposed to making assumptions.

The only assumption I am making is that they prefer to be treated like human beings.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Well, no duh.

 

[JarodRussell]

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050501/COMMENTARY/50429001

 

[RandyS]

I am confused by this topic. Why don't you just talk to them like you'd talk to any average-sized person?

Exactly. They're people just like you are. Talk to them that way.

 

[Maestro]

But seriously, it sounds like you want to treat them different in order to not treat them different?

This paradox is the key to social interaction. Everyone is different, thus we should treat everyone differently in order to not treat them different, while at the same time treating everyone the same.

For me, I sometimes cut the bullshit and come right out with it. "Let's not BS about this. I've never met anyone with dwarfism before. Is there anything I should know so that I don't do something dumb or make you uncomfortable?"

Sometimes treating a difference like the 800 lbs gorilla in the room doesn't help. Talk about it, get it out in the open, and then it's easier. Most of the time. There are, of course, people with differences or disabilities who are complete wing nuts.

 

[JarodRussell]

The first point is that there is not absolute answer for your problem because every person has its own individual preferences. Some are okay with being called midget, others not, for example. Some like it when people get down while talking to them, others don't care.
The second point is: just ask them yourself, damnit. And then watch some third season Boston Legal episodes together, that will be hilarious.

 

[RoJoHen]

Sometimes treating a difference like the 800 lbs gorilla in the room doesn't help. Talk about it, get it out in the open, and then it's easier. Most of the time. There are, of course, people with differences or disabilities who are complete wing nuts.

That's the point I was trying to make. There is no general rule for how to treat a little person. You can't just lump them all together in one group because they're all still people with individual personalities. Some of them will probably slit your throat for bringing any attention to their height. Others will want you to give them a piggy-back ride.

 

[thestrangequark]

What I do not want to do is unwittingly send a signal that I don't mean to. And thank you to SBK for a practical answer to the question as opposed to making assumptions.

The only assumption I am making is that they prefer to be treated like human beings.

Nerys Ghemor's question is legitimate, there's no reason to knock her (wait, are you a her, Nerys?) for asking. I just think she's asking the wrong people.

When one is confronted with something different it is natural to be uncertain of how to act. I've had a lot of people close to me over the years who had noticeable physical differences, including my mother and an ex-boyfriend, and they put up with a lot of shit. I think it's a safe bet that these people have dealt with a lot worse than someone politely and respectfully asking them a few etiquette questions, and unless they're assholes they ought to be fine with it. I can think of numerous occasions when a lot of discomfort and hassle would have been saved if a person had just asked the correct way to treat my mom, or my ex. (Not to mention myself, when my hearing was particularly bad -- I was deaf as a young kid, and let me tell you, people can be morons around people with hearing problems.)

 

[JarodRussell]

Would you please stop calling them "little person" or "little people", lol. I find that one offensive actually.