If Cats Disappeared From the World

[Miss Chicken]

I am currently listening to the audio version of ‘If Cats Disappeared From the World’ by Genki Kawamura. A Kindle version is also available but a printed version won’t be released until next year.

In the story a young man finds out he has a brain tumour and could die at any time. Then the devil appears and tells him he is going to die tomorrow but the devil offers to make a deal - the man can get one extra day of life in return for something disappearing forever from the world. The devil starts looking around the house for something he can remove from the world. I gather the man has to agree before that thing disappears.

So I am asking people, what thing in your house/apartment would you agree to have disappear? Remember that thing and all of its kind would totally disappear from the world. For each object there is one extra day of life, so you can name more than one thing.

This is far harder than it seems.

 

[Tosk]

For a single day? I'd probably do it for an extra day or so to "finish off things" but that's far too short a time for such a high price. In return I'd give up stuff like the paper adverts that come in DVDs and Blu-rays, paperclips, and mousepads.

I imagine there are plenty of people who would just empty out the world getting as many last days as possible.

 

[Butters]

If I were in that position, I’d rid the world of brain tumours.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I not sure the devil is going to pick a brain tumour as one of the choices without giving too much away (I hope), the first possibility is chocolate. I hope he says no to that one.

The devil does say not many people have taken him up on his offer.

I missed up the title. I am not sure why ‘alif’ is there.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

I missed up the title. I am not sure why ‘alif’ is there.

I made 'alif' go away for one extra day of a life. Hail Satan!

Well, if we're only going to go by what the devil would most likely make disappear, going by the traditional interpretation of the devil as tormentor, he would pick the thing that is most cruel and heartrending and guilt-inducing to the person making the Faustian bargain and most damaging to the world beyond, so I also wouldn't see the advantage or point in inflicting that on the whole world in exchange for one additional hypothetical day of life that you'll probably get anyway.

You'd essentially become history's greatest monster in exchange for getting a little bit of guaranteed time to call or spend with friends and family and tell them how much you love them before you die the next day, which if you were a good person to begin with who wasn't capable of inflicting such a massive act of selfishness upon the world, your friends and family would already know that you loved them. It's good to have closure and be able to say goodbye, but not at such a heavy price to literally everyone else, including the people you supposedly love.

But to just not be a stick-in-the-mud about the hypothetical (too late), I'll get rid of: Sodas, or colas or pop or soft drinks or whatever you call them in your region; none shall escape my wrath based on a linguistic technicality. I say this as a devoted Diet Dr. Pepper drinker. They're terrible for you, but they're so good. The devil has to be behind it. You'll all thank me later with a memorial or something, just like Mayor Bloomberg of New York City was universally beloved for his large soda ban back in 2012 before it was struck down by the court.

 

[cosmic mouse]

So I am asking people, what thing in your house/apartment would you agree to have disappear?

Well, there is a mosquito in here right now...

 

[Gary Mitchell]

I'd turn the devil into a giant Swiffer and have him get rid of all the dust everywhere.

 

[Mojochi]

In this house right now, the world could do without
a fly
a trophy
drier lint
junk mail
a coat rack
paper towels
polyethylene bags

There... there's a week. I can sew things up in a week

 

[Miss Chicken]

In this house right now, the world could do without
a fly
a trophy
drier lint
junk mail
a coat rack
paper towels
polyethylene bags

There... there's a week. I can sew things up in a week

I would be worried about getting rid of flies (or mosquitoes) because there are creatures that eat them.

Some people like getting junk mail. Not me, I hate it.

Polyethylene bags is a good choice, we are trying to get rid of them as it is, and I think the world would easily adapt to not having paper towels or coat racks.

Locutus of Bored suggestion of ridding the world of soda is a good idea though it would suppose it would be a bummer for anyone who lost they job as a result.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I'd turn the devil into a giant Swiffer and have him get rid of all the dust everywhere.

That guy in the book suggested the dust in his house but the devil said that is not how it works. He says I get to choose something and you OK it.

 

[Gary Mitchell]

That guy in the book suggested the dust in his house but the devil said that is not how it works. He says I get to choose something and you OK it.

Bummer.

 

[Avro Arrow]

the first possibility is chocolate.

What would be the point of living one more day in a world without chocolate?

 

[Miss Chicken]

Tosk’s idea of mousepads and paper clips might work.

 

[Admiral2]

The devil does say not many people have taken him up on his offer.

That doesn't surprise me. The exchange isn't worth it. You could totally screw up life for you and the rest of the world, making that one extra day you get a certain kind of hell. Good-natured people would turn it down flat. The more selfish would try to pick something the absence of which wouldn't affect them, but there's no way to know for sure that making all of something disappear wouldn't affect you, directly or indirectly.

Like, say you're a burglar and the devil offers you the deal and you say "Okay, get rid of all cops." And he does. Great right? You can go out and make one last huge score on your extra day...until your realize your choice has turned the world into a real-life Purge and now you've got millions of competitors, some of them extremely violent. You might get killed by somebody who might have gone to jail before you left your house, if there had been police around.

I dunno. Maybe I've been playing too much "Corrupt a wish" over in the Admiral's Lounge, but I'd probably just tell the devil, "No thanks. I'm good with my currenty expiry date."

PS: I'm already allergic to chocolate, so getting the devil to get rid of it would be a waste of effort.

 

[TribbleFeeder]

So the devil gets to pick, and he picks cats? I think I would probably say no in that case. An entire species for one more day of living doesn’t seems fair.

Cats are just delightful.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I am not sure if he actually picks cats. That is the title of the book, the man does have a cat but cats have not come up as a choice yet.

 

[Butters]

What would be the point of living one more day in a world without chocolate?

Chocolate burns my throat but I persist under the delusion that it’s delicious. It can go.

 

[Grendelsbayne]

I mean, if the devil gets to choose then you're screwed regardless.

But if the question is what would I erase from existence for an extra day of life? There are hundreds if not thousands of totally worthless things in the world. Pizza box supports. Disposable plastic grocery bags. Banana boxes. Banana stands. Selfie sticks. Novelty plates. Happy meal toys. Gumball machine toys. Garbage bag twist ties. Advertising folders. Printed video game manuals. Plastic straws. Plastic silverware. Etc, etc.

That's of course without even mentioning the things that aren't inherently useless, but might be better off gone, anyway, like guns or nukes.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

So the devil gets to pick, and he picks cats? I think I would probably say no in that case. An entire species for one more day of living doesn’t seems fair.

Cats are just delightful.

In fairness to Satan, the cats escaped from Hell, and he just wants them back.

 

[Refuge]

Motor bikes.