DS9 Caption Contest #50: Leeta, the Dabo Girl with a Heart of Gold

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Sorry for the new contest starting a little late in the evening, but here we go. Vreenak, anything to say?

First up to the plate, we have the "Highly Illogical" Award, going to:

O'Brien: "All right, lads. Normally we'd go into a hostile situation armed with a small hand phaser capable of stunning an entire army or vaporizing a full city block. This time, for no apparent reason, we're going to use these pointlessly cumbersome phaser rifles. They do exactly the same thing, weigh twelve pounds heavier, and you need both hands to hold them."
Weyoun: "We are so gonna win this war."
O'Brien: "And nobody even think of widening the beams to hit multiple targets!"

Next, we have the "Most Murdered Spokesman" Award, going to:

Weyoun: I just saved 15% by switching my spaceship insurance to Geico. It's so easy a Klingon could do it... *Worf breaks his neck*

Next, we have the " *Sniff* *Sniff* Hmmm, what smells like Blue?" Award, going to:

Odo: I warned them not to put metal in the microwave.

Next, we have the "Return of an old joke" Award, going to:

Weyoun: "I assume Captain Sisko removed or destroyed everything of value?"
Dukat: "Not everything.""
Weyoun: "What is that?"
Dukat: "An egg from Kira."

Next, we have the "Evil Temptation" Award, going to:

Bashir: Please I've got to avoid sugary foods, they make me fat!
Weyoun: Just a little bite...
Bashir: No...
Weyoun: Come on doctor, one little bite of that warm, crumbly, cheesy, mouth-watering scone!

Our Photoshop award goes to:

WEYOUN: Won't talk, Bashir? Perhaps this will change your mind!

BASHIR: Kukalaka?! Weyoun, you heartless bastard!

WEYOUN: Won't talk, Bashir? Perhaps this will change your mind!

BASHIR: Kukalaka?! Weyoun, you heartless bastard!

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to all our participants! Continuing our journey through the characters of Deep Space Nine, we now arrive at Leeta!

And, yes, I did see that we have reached the 50th DS9 Caption Contest! I'll have to plan something in the weeks to come to properly celebrate that. For now, begin captioning!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Leeta: The Pre-Nup requires that even if we divorce, I have to take custody of Nog?!

Quark: You want to split the check?! Ferengi don't do that!

Martok: You know they're behind us, right?

Sisko: Yes.

Martok: They can barely see.

Sisko: True.

Martok: You don't care do you?

Sisko: Not even a litttle.

Leeta: What do you mean Julian has "moved on?" We haven't broken up yet!

Leeta: Nobody steals Kukalaka without a fight!

 

[Nerys Myk]

LEETA: Banned??? Banned!!!!!Who does that idiot Mod think he is?

 

[Rush Limborg]

Leeta: It's the Valentine I thought Julian had forgotten to give me!

Rom: (thinking) Oh...crap.

Quark: Wait a minute...who didn't tip?

(Long pause)

Kira: ...What?

Leeta learned too late to never let the men in the house take the last two stools to stand on....

Leeta: Does this make me look fat?

Kira: Well, um--

Leeta: Don't you DARE say "yes"!

Good thing Nog hadn't known that she would eventually become his stepmom. Otherwise, it'd have been...awkward.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Nog: (O/S) "Its not the dress that makes you look fat"

Leeta:" They are real and they are Spectacular!"

 

[boco]

Leeta:Rom is a transexual???

 

[DS9 Gal AZ]

Leeta: So if we divorce, I get custody of Nog?
Rom: Yes, and I get custody of your breasts. I'd say that's fair, wouldn't you?

Kira: *thinking* So my fellow resistance members are a barkeep, a glorified cocktail waitress and ... Jake. By the Prophets, this almost makes me long for the days of the Cardassian Occupation!

Chase Masterson: *thinking* Huh, they can't even focus on my breasts in this shot. I never thought I'd see the day when that happened ...

Leeta: Back off, bitch! Julian is MINE!
Kira: Oh, are you upset about that time I made out with him at that party? Look, that was just because we both got this sexy virus from Lwuaxana Troi -
Leeta: Shup up!
Kira: Or are you annoyed about the time we made out in the holodeck? Because that wasn't even me, that was just a holographic projection of my body -
Leeta: I'm sick of your excuses, just keep your filthy hands off him!
Kira: You do realize you're going to eventually break up with him and wind up married to Rom, right?
Leeta: Liar!
Kira: *hands her several scripts.*
Leeta: *thumbing through scripts* NOOOOOOOOO!

Rom: There's an Oedipal joke in here somewhere, but I can't quite find it ... oh well, I'll settle for the teddy bear... mom.

 

[Finn]

Rom! This EMH fella just banned me!

 

[jespah]

Oh, you did my taxes! And you got me my implants as deductions! You're the best!

Kira (thinking) - This has gotta be the worst double date I've ever been on.

DS9 has the worst fireworks displays.

And then I was like (snap snap snap), oh no, you din'!

Quark, tell me about the rabbits, Quark.

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Leeta: "What's this? How did two captions win twice this week?"

Nog: "I can't see! What does that sign say?"
Leeta: "You must be this tall to ride the escape pod? What!?"
Rom: "That's so unfair."

Leeta: "You ex-resistance types keep stealing all the credit. Every Bajoran knows that Dukat lost possession of Bajor in a high stakes Dabo tournament."
Kira: "Shh! If someone hears you we'll be the laughing stock of the entire Quadrant."

 

[T'Girl]

Rom: "Yes, just like that on the honeymoon, but on your back and without the shirt."

Kira: "... like this."
Leeta: "There's nothing wrong with my posture, you slut."
Kira: "Am not."
Leeta: "Please, you've been implanted with every woman's embryo on the station."
Kira: "Lying whore, this is about Julian."

They grab each other hair and begin swinging their bodies back and forth.

 

[LeadHead]

Leeta: "What's this? How did two captions win twice this week?"

I fixed it! The "Evil Temptation" Award goes to:

Bashir: Please I've got to avoid sugary foods, they make me fat!
Weyoun: Just a little bite...
Bashir: No...
Weyoun: Come on doctor, one little bite of that warm, crumbly, cheesy, mouth-watering scone!

Sorry about the mistake!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kira: "It's sort of like standing at attention. Back straight, shoulders back, chest out. Believe me, this pose will get you anything you want from any man on this station!"
Leeta: "But...it's so blatantly obvious!"
Kira: "They don't care about that."

Rom: "My new padd has a built-in camera! Look! I just took this picture!"
Leeta: "Oh my God, it's my toes! I haven't seen them since puberty!"

 

[Mistral]

Leeta: "Leadhead picked the same caption as a winner twice?!?"

Rom: "I told you the contest was rigged. We Ferengi can smell these things a mile off."

This is what happens when you don't read the prior entries first.

 

[Gary7]

Jake: (thinking) Crap, I can't believe I'm wearing the same shirt as Kira. I've gotta have a talk with Garak. My whole wardrobe needs an overhaul, and quick!

Leeta: "You're right, Kira. Making your spine erect DOES make you go from an 'A' to a 'B' cup. Of course, I can slouch all I want and I'm still a 'D'." (grin)

 

[Nerys Myk]

LEETA: For the Prophets sake, Jake! They're just breasts!!!! Stop trying not to notice them!

 

[Nerys Myk]

Nog was unaware that "heart of gold" was just a metaphor.

 

[boco]

Leeta: OMG, evEn Rom has bigger breasts!

 

[Timelord79 (he/him)]

Quark: See, Jake, I told you if we had a caption contest about Leeta we would have at least 10 breast jokes before we are on page 2. You owe me 10 bars of gold pressed latinum

Jake: Balls!

 

[Rush Limborg]

Quark: See, Jake, I told you if we had a caption contest about Leeta we would have at least 10 breast jokes before we are on page 2. You owe me 10 bars of gold pressed latinum

Jake: Balls!

Leeta: What's that about my...?