Several months ago -- on a lark -- I decided to buy a large box of Bassett's Jelly Babies from Amazon. Amazon also helpfully provided a list of other items purchased by customers who bought Jelly Babies. This list included Jammie Dodgers, episodes of Doctor Who on DVD, soundtracks from the series, a sonic screwdriver ...
I felt ... busted. Somewhere deep in the bowels of Amazon's headquarters, their nascent AI chuckled over my interest in the confection. It didn't offer up other candies as suggestions, it knew I was a geek and taunted me.
I made the frivolous purchase anyway.
They come in a variety of flavors, including lemon, lime, orange, some kind of red berry, and the vile black currant. Thinking the dark purple ones were licorice, I went for one of those first. The indescribable revulsion I experienced was unlike anything I'd been expecting, and, like far too many porn stars, I didn't swallow.
I'd spent seventeen dollars of my hard-earned money on that?! What is wrong with the Doctor, is he some kind of alien fr-- oh! Of course.
Still, I reasoned, no one on the show displayed a reaction similar to that I'd experienced, so maybe the other flavors were better. And they were. I found I liked the yellows the best. The oranges and reds were good, too. The greens weren't bad, but in certain lighting, they were hard to distinguish from the vile black currant, and it was a bit of epicurean Russian roulette when I had one of those. A wincing tiny bite, followed by relieved consumption or revolted convulsion.
Having paid so much for such a small quantity of the candies, I decided they were Daddy's little treat and didn't share them as freely with others as the Doctor does. Maybe they're cheaper in Britain, but here in North America, they're pound-for-pound pricier than lobster.
My little boy wandered by my desk one day. "What are those?" I'd neglected to keep the bag carefully hidden. I told him and his eyes went big and round. Daddy had something that he'd seen on his favorite television show! The inevitable "Can I have one?" followed.
"Sure, kid. Try the purple one."
