~Bangs head against door~

[The Castellan]

Met this nice transgendered girl on a TS forum, about five years ago, in fact, she was the first girl their to say hi and welcome me to that forum, and me and her were talking many times, having a great time and all that. She's smart, funny, absolutely gorgeous (she's a dead ringer for Liv Tyler, even prettier). And she over these past few years, became very comfortable in her own skin. You see, she was originally planning to get the operation, but it was only then to make her then boy friend happy, but she really did not want to do it. She told me she was happy and fine as she was (to the point she does not even 'tuck' anymore) and wanted to please herself instead of some jerk....and that jerk ditched her for not wanting the operation....should have busted his kneecaps in. Anyhow, we got to know each other....I've told her things most people don't know about me, and we were talking about her coming over to visit, I was going to get her plane tickets to come here and visit me, and we'd be going everywhere, and having a good time. Things were going well, till just recently, she vanished for awhile before, sometimes being gone for a fortnight or something, but would always show up again. Well, she's been missing for since late spring, and pretty much everything from her Facebook is gone, her info, her pictures, everything is gone. And she's not on any of her messengers and it's like she's totally disappeared from the world.

Suffice to day, I am rather worried, and upset that she's vanished for so long, and that I lost yet another girl I wanted, and been asking myself, "Cast, why are you even trying anymore....you've only managed to get ONE girlfriend in the past 17 years, and that was 12 years ago, seems each time you fall for someone, you just end up getting hurt in the end....why don't you just give up, you dumb Pollock?" And I am still trying to find an answer to my own question. And why is it a girl always seems to not want to be with someone who would treat her right and make her feel important...to both herself and to someone else?

At this rate, I'll be Kirk Douglas' age before I find some cutie.....and that guy's about 15 years older than sand. Ugh, you girls don't know how easy you have it, since it seems the guy always has to do the work in the relationship department, from starting the opening introductions and all that follows. Ok, I take that back, I've known some lesbians that got burnt for the same reasons, but you know what I mean.

I need to get really good and drunk one of these days. Because you know it's bad when you've got luck worse than La Forge or something.

If you'll excuse me, folks.

 

[Paradon]

You'll find someone someday. You just have to be persistant and have self-confident. Girls like guys who are have confidence and a guy that compliment her. My grandma liked when I say she is the prettiest grandma in the whole world and she'd give me $100 ever time she visited. Compliment girls on their looks and take the iniative...girls like that.

Anyway, it's better to love and get your heart broken, than not loving someone at all.

 

[Amaris]

Met this nice transgendered girl on a TS forum, about five years ago, in fact, she was the first girl their to say hi and welcome me to that forum, and me and her were talking many times, having a great time and all that. She's smart, funny, absolutely gorgeous (she's a dead ringer for Liv Tyler, even prettier). And she over these past few years, became very comfortable in her own skin. You see, she was originally planning to get the operation, but it was only then to make her then boy friend happy, but she really did not want to do it. She told me she was happy and fine as she was (to the point she does not even 'tuck' anymore) and wanted to please herself instead of some jerk....and that jerk ditched her for not wanting the operation....should have busted his kneecaps in. Anyhow, we got to know each other....I've told her things most people don't know about me, and we were talking about her coming over to visit, I was going to get her plane tickets to come here and visit me, and we'd be going everywhere, and having a good time. Things were going well, till just recently, she vanished for awhile before, sometimes being gone for a fortnight or something, but would always show up again. Well, she's been missing for since late spring, and pretty much everything from her Facebook is gone, her info, her pictures, everything is gone. And she's not on any of her messengers and it's like she's totally disappeared from the world.

Suffice to day, I am rather worried, and upset that she's vanished for so long, and that I lost yet another girl I wanted, and been asking myself, "Cast, why are you even trying anymore....you've only managed to get ONE girlfriend in the past 17 years, and that was 12 years ago, seems each time you fall for someone, you just end up getting hurt in the end....why don't you just give up, you dumb Pollock?" And I am still trying to find an answer to my own question. And why is it a girl always seems to not want to be with someone who would treat her right and make her feel important...to both herself and to someone else?

At this rate, I'll be Kirk Douglas' age before I find some cutie.....and that guy's about 15 years older than sand. Ugh, you girls don't know how easy you have it, since it seems the guy always has to do the work in the relationship department, from starting the opening introductions and all that follows. Ok, I take that back, I've known some lesbians that got burnt for the same reasons, but you know what I mean.

I need to get really good and drunk one of these days. Because you know it's bad when you've got luck worse than La Forge or something.

If you'll excuse me, folks.

I wish I had some kind of sage, world changing advice to give you, Castellan, but all I can say is that you never know what might happen tomorrow. If it doesn't work out, it just doesn't. There have been women in my life who I thought were perfect for me, and even though they liked me a great deal, it didn't work out. Part of it was that our future plans simply didn't match up, our paths were taking two separate directions. All you can do is enjoy the time you spent with her, and have no expectations about the future.

If you try to find her, or someone like her, you may wind up lonely the rest of your life. Just keep an open mind and an open heart, and make certain you take care of yourself. You won't do anyone any good if you're despondent and give up.

As for handling the situation, I'd say if you want a drink, have one, but don't get drunk. You don't want to be passed out on the floor when the right person walks by.

 

[The Castellan]

You'll find someone someday. You just have to be persistant and have self-confident. Anyway, it's better to love and get your heart broken, than not loving someone at all.

Ehh, if I had a dollar each time I heard that one. Confidence is not one of my problems, I see a girl that catches my eye, I go straight to them, it's finding a girl with the same attraction she has for me as I have for her, last time was 12 years ago. I tell you, it's downright embarrassing when one has so many girls who are friends, and yet no girl friends. My dad even asked me if I was a closet gay because he never seen me succeed with chicks. To me, once a girl considers you "a friend", your chances with her are slim to none after that. I can never understand why girls think this way, instead of being happy, flattered and thrilled, they get grossed out, as if their brother asked them out....hell, I think they'd rather their brother ask them out than a long time friend. Why is that, girls? I really like to know, I'm sure a lot of other guys really like to know. And ladies, this is why a lot of us guys do anything we can to avoid being lumped into that dreaded friends area....f*ck, I'd rather get a bowling ball dropped on my toes, my fingers slammed in a car door, and kneed in the groin instead of, "You're such a good friend, Cast!" Because while the girls say, "Cast, you're a great guy, you're smart, good looking, and kind, I wish more guys were like you!" and when you ask 'em out, they pretty much go, "I want to date guys like you, but not you."

The best way to describe this is the following:

Imagine going to a job interview, and the guy there tell you, "You're resume is nice, you have all the qualifications, you're a shoe in for this job. However, we are not going to hire you, not now, not ever. We will, however, use your qualifications for the basis to compare to those of the other guys that we will hire, though we probably will hire some loser, some drunken asshole who will probably cause more headaches for this company that it's worth, but we still will not be hiring you. Keep in mind that we will probably sometimes call you to complain about the rejects we hired.

Have a nice day. "

Plus I think after a decade +, one's able to pretty much be able to consider oneself never having dated period, it seems. And competing with the "Bad Boyz" makes it even more so difficult. I never understood why they call this "Da Game", in games, one has fun, even if one loses, I don't recall ever having fun at losing this so-called "Game".

Sooooo, I gots my questions.

Met this nice transgendered girl on a TS forum, about five years ago, in fact, she was the first girl their to say hi and welcome me to that forum, and me and her were talking many times, having a great time and all that. She's smart, funny, absolutely gorgeous (she's a dead ringer for Liv Tyler, even prettier). And she over these past few years, became very comfortable in her own skin. You see, she was originally planning to get the operation, but it was only then to make her then boy friend happy, but she really did not want to do it. She told me she was happy and fine as she was (to the point she does not even 'tuck' anymore) and wanted to please herself instead of some jerk....and that jerk ditched her for not wanting the operation....should have busted his kneecaps in. Anyhow, we got to know each other....I've told her things most people don't know about me, and we were talking about her coming over to visit, I was going to get her plane tickets to come here and visit me, and we'd be going everywhere, and having a good time. Things were going well, till just recently, she vanished for awhile before, sometimes being gone for a fortnight or something, but would always show up again. Well, she's been missing for since late spring, and pretty much everything from her Facebook is gone, her info, her pictures, everything is gone. And she's not on any of her messengers and it's like she's totally disappeared from the world.

Suffice to day, I am rather worried, and upset that she's vanished for so long, and that I lost yet another girl I wanted, and been asking myself, "Cast, why are you even trying anymore....you've only managed to get ONE girlfriend in the past 17 years, and that was 12 years ago, seems each time you fall for someone, you just end up getting hurt in the end....why don't you just give up, you dumb Pollock?" And I am still trying to find an answer to my own question. And why is it a girl always seems to not want to be with someone who would treat her right and make her feel important...to both herself and to someone else?

At this rate, I'll be Kirk Douglas' age before I find some cutie.....and that guy's about 15 years older than sand. Ugh, you girls don't know how easy you have it, since it seems the guy always has to do the work in the relationship department, from starting the opening introductions and all that follows. Ok, I take that back, I've known some lesbians that got burnt for the same reasons, but you know what I mean.

I need to get really good and drunk one of these days. Because you know it's bad when you've got luck worse than La Forge or something.

If you'll excuse me, folks.

I wish I had some kind of sage, world changing advice to give you, Castellan, but all I can say is that you never know what might happen tomorrow. If it doesn't work out, it just doesn't. There have been women in my life who I thought were perfect for me, and even though they liked me a great deal, it didn't work out. Part of it was that our future plans simply didn't match up, our paths were taking two separate directions. All you can do is enjoy the time you spent with her, and have no expectations about the future.

If you try to find her, or someone like her, you may wind up lonely the rest of your life. Just keep an open mind and an open heart, and make certain you take care of yourself. You won't do anyone any good if you're despondent and give up.

As for handling the situation, I'd say if you want a drink, have one, but don't get drunk. You don't want to be passed out on the floor when the right person walks by.

Least you had more success than myself, by what I am reading here.

Dunno, most chicks around my neck of the woods, Southeast Michigan, seems to like drunken assholes.

 

[Scout101]

Oddly, it seems that you're more concerned with your dating prospects than if she's ok or not. Know you started by saying you were worried that she'd disappeared, but then it took an odd shift...

 

[Trekker4747]

Anyway, it's better to love and get your heart broken, than not loving someone at all.

K: "Try it sometime."

If you've never loved then you cannot know what it is and miss what you've lost.

Instead having loved and then lost it's a lot like finding yourself as a heroin addict in a heroin-free world. You know what you have lost, you can't get more and it hurts.

 

[DS9Continuing]

This post took a number of unexpected turns.

When you said you were going to buy her plane tickets, I thought - uh-oh, it's a scam, she's just sweet-talking you up to get money out of you and then she'll disappear. It's not clear from your post whether the disappearing happened before or after the ticket buying.

And then there is indeed the point that Scout101 mentions - that your dating worries seem more of a concern than this woman's safety. As one who's clearly familiar with the transgender community, I would assume you understand they are at more risk of violence than the average person. That seems like a higher priority than "Woe is me, I'll never find a girlfriend"... assuming she is a real person.

Assuming she IS a real person, well, maybe she just got another boyfriend who didn't like her chatting online with other guys, and so deleted all her profiles. A goodbye message would have been nice, but then courtesy is a dying art. On the other hand, you've already implied she has a history of submitting her own interests to those of the man in her life, which is not necessarily a good place to be. People facing sexuality/gender issues often also face self-esteem issues, and I can imagine that she would be a good candidate for ending up in an abusive relationship - which being forced to remove all her social networking profiles could well be a symptom of. That can be a difficult pattern to get out of, and maybe she found it easier to stick to what she knows than take the chance on a stranger on the internet.

Or maybe she just went off you.

Now, to the dating worries. I can only say if you're narrowing your field of potentials to trans-women, well that's a pretty narrow field of potentials. If that's what you like, then that's what you like, and I would never try to tell you otherwise. But you've got to expect in that situation that it's going to take a while to find someone, given the simple numbers involved.

I would try and get off the internet, if possible. Yes, it's a safe space for gender-variant people to congregate, and maybe where you'll be able to contact the greatest number of such. But it's also a perfect preying ground for scam artists who will happily take advantage of that interest. It's always safer to deal with people in an open, public space with many witnesses. And certainly never send plane tickets to someone you've only seen over a computer screen.

.

 

[The Castellan]

This post took a number of unexpected turns.

When you said you were going to buy her plane tickets, I thought - uh-oh, it's a scam, she's just sweet-talking you up to get money out of you and then she'll disappear. It's not clear from your post whether the disappearing happened before or after the ticket buying.

And then there is indeed the point that Scout101 mentions - that your dating worries seem more of a concern than this woman's safety. As one who's clearly familiar with the transgender community, I would assume you understand they are at more risk of violence than the average person. That seems like a higher priority than "Woe is me, I'll never find a girlfriend"... assuming she is a real person.

Assuming she IS a real person, well, maybe she just got another boyfriend who didn't like her chatting online with other guys, and so deleted all her profiles. A goodbye message would have been nice, but then courtesy is a dying art. On the other hand, you've already implied she has a history of submitting her own interests to those of the man in her life, which is not necessarily a good place to be. People facing sexuality/gender issues often also face self-esteem issues, and I can imagine that she would be a good candidate for ending up in an abusive relationship - which being forced to remove all her social networking profiles could well be a symptom of. That can be a difficult pattern to get out of, and maybe she found it easier to stick to what she knows than take the chance on a stranger on the internet.

Or maybe she just went off you.

Now, to the dating worries. I can only say if you're narrowing your field of potentials to trans-women, well that's a pretty narrow field of potentials. If that's what you like, then that's what you like, and I would never try to tell you otherwise. But you've got to expect in that situation that it's going to take a while to find someone, given the simple numbers involved.

I would try and get off the internet, if possible. Yes, it's a safe space for gender-variant people to congregate, and maybe where you'll be able to contact the greatest number of such. But it's also a perfect preying ground for scam artists who will happily take advantage of that interest. It's always safer to deal with people in an open, public space with many witnesses. And certainly never send plane tickets to someone you've only seen over a computer screen.

.

Well, I can not get off the internet to get someone, because Southeast Michigan the chicks, the available ones, are either ditzy, country bumpkins, or 300 pound sistas who take care of their hair more than their bodies. I pretty much go for trans girls because of the following:

1: The sexuality god/nature gave to me as a cruel joke: I like the female body, but not the genitals, I like the male genitals, but not the male body. And before you say that many TS girls want to get the operation, many of them do not as well. Hell, I can't even look at a vagina without gagging. Someone up their sure decided to have fun with me when choosing my sexuality when he/she/it made me. And not many are in my state, in fact, seems like 95% of them live in either California or New York and other coastal states, yet avoiding the inner states like the plague, for some reason.

2: When I was trying to give genetic females a try for many years, 99.9% of them hurt me, I mean really hurt me, from 1994, when I was a freshman in high school with Tom Baker hair, to 2008 when a girl I knew in Hawaii vanished from the whole world...let's just say that one was the last straw that broke this camel's back when it came to genetic females. Not to be mean to all you genetic females, but you can be even worse beasts than males can.

3: No kids. I like kids, I get along great with them, I can relate to them, but I don't want any of my own.


Yes, I am concerned about how she is doing, but I can also be equally angered by losing yet another girl I wanted to be with. See, I did not have that lucky, porn star-like break than many guys I knew when in their teens, and got not only dates, but in quiet a few cases, sex, before they were even driving, I did not even get to hold hands with a girl until I was over 20, and my last date was 12 years ago. I'd so trade it all in to have that same lucky break all the guys I knew seemed to have that I did not get. I think I got a right to be angry, not to mention want something good for myself for a change. I mean what can I do now, other than start drinking large quantities of beer, get skull and snake tattoos on my forearms, wear lots of tacky bling, and start dressing and talking either like as the girls over here in Southeast Michigan call their men, "Good ole' Boy Redneck" or "Thug Nigga", I have no idea what to do anymore.

No ticket buying was done, just to let you know.

Makes me wonder if I did something really heinous in a past life, and getting punished for it, now.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I'm still trying to wrap my head around some of the content in this thread.

What I can say is, I went through something similar, several years ago. I was dating a self-described lesbian (I am a male, mind you). It was a weird situation. She'd never been in love with a man before. Even so, I thought things were going well. And then one day she just sort of dropped off the planet (at least to me.) I eventually found out the problem was that she couldn't reconcile her identity as a lesbian and her relationship with me.

Fast forward 9 years, and we've patched up and changed a lot. Most notably, "she" is now a "he," or at least in the process of becoming so. Our relationship has always been bizarre, so I figure that's just one more facet of it.

The bottom line is, don't assume someone is out of your life because of something like this. You don't know what she's going through. While I am not transgendered myself, it seems to be a very difficult, confusing, and painful process, made that much worse by people who aren't understanding, or are even outright hateful.

Give her a chance to get back in touch with you. If you know any of her friends, see if you can find out what happened. But I do agree it's a bit odd that you're overly concerned with your romantic prospects rather than her well-being. If you care about her as much as you say you do, shouldn't her safety be your foremost concern right now?

 

[DonIago]

If it helps, I'm 36 and the closest thing I had to a relationship lasted almost a week.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

That doesn't help. That's just depressing.

 

[DS9Continuing]

1: The sexuality god/nature gave to me as a cruel joke: I like the female body, but not the genitals, I like the male genitals, but not the male body. And before you say that many TS girls want to get the operation, many of them do not as well. Hell, I can't even look at a vagina without gagging. Someone up their sure decided to have fun with me when choosing my sexuality when he/she/it made me. And not many are in my state, in fact, seems like 95% of them live in either California or New York and other coastal states, yet avoiding the inner states like the plague, for some reason.

Can you really not guess what that reason is? It's because New York and California are by and large much more cosmopolitan places where all types of people are accepted and celebrated. Naturally those who are born and raised in the inner states feeling this way would gravitate to places where they would feel safe and affirmed. That's only common sense.

Can you not move there yourself? Granted NYC and LA are not easy places to live for anyone, but if it's either that or stay lonely in the redneck states, well then, why not give it a shot?

I'm afraid I can't empathise with your sexual identity concerns - it's been men men men all the way for me since I was aware of other people (although we definitely agree on the lady-frontness ). But perhaps you can take comfort from the fact that at least your sexual orientation is towards consenting adults. Things could be worse

And I didn't mean to imply you were a heartless bastard or anything, and I apologise if I came off that way. Of course everyone's welcome to a spot of self-pity, especially those whom fate has placed in an awkward position. But as I said, the OP took a few unexpected swerves to the point that I wasn't sure which part we were supposed to be sympathizing with.

.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

The northeastern US is actually a pretty cool place. Living here is much more interesting and liberating. The midwest seriously bores me to tears.

 

[Misfit Toy]

Until I met my wife, I had never had a relationship last more than three months. We just celebrated our 27th anniversary last month.

 

[Spot's Meow]

To answer a couple of your questions...first of all, this "big break" that you think other guys got in their teenage years is a total myth. There are always a few lucky ones, but I bet if, at that age, you had polled all of the guys you knew who you thought were getting some left and right, you'd find out that they felt just as insecure and inadequate as you may have. Even if they were having sex, that doesn't mean they necessarily had meaningful relationships. Which do you think is more important? If the answer is sex, then there are places you can go to get that for a price without all the relationship stuff. Or maybe even for free, if you're browsing the right "dating" sites. But I'll bet you'd rather have a real relationship.

Also, as to why women don't see their guy friends as potential partners...well you can't really generalize here. It is a little known but shocking fact that all women are different, they aren't part of some collective that hands down orders on how to treat men. There, I've just let out the secret to communicating with and understanding women - talking to them each individually about who they are and what they want, because there is just no way to generalize what people across an entire gender are thinking. That's why it's also a little absurd to me that you've sworn off genetic females. You may have just not found the right one yet. They are all unique and different, so there's no reason to write off the whole group because of past women you've been hurt by. Anyway, I can only speak from my personal experience when I say that possible reasons for not wanting to date a male friend are because I'm not attracted to him physically, because I don't think the relationship would last and I don't want to ruin the friendship in the process, or because I've built up a level of trust and comfort with him with an unstated agreement that sexual thoughts and feelings will not enter into our relationship. If he expresses attraction in me, that level of trust is broken and I know that I can't trust him like I would a brother or other male family member. Not that the friendship can't continue or a relationship is forbidden from happening, but it just changes the nature of the friendship entirely, and that can be a bit disheartening. If you've expressed interest in a female friend and they rejected you, you should ask them why yourself. And if you've harbored feelings but kept them a secret, then you have no idea if the women in question would accept or reject you, so don't assume.

 

[{ Emilia }]

There's one thing that irritates me about threads like this and it seems to be a recurring theme in Misc.

For some reason some of the male posters seem to have a weird attitude towards women. Or at least a weird perception.

Here's the deal: Girls are human beings, too. We're not actually that different from you guys. Just treat us like... people. We're not actually that weird, you know.

Phrases like "There are NO DECENT WOMEN in my area!!!!" are just bizarre.

Stop making up excuses for not trying.

 

[Paradon]

Anyway, it's better to love and get your heart broken, than not loving someone at all.

K: "Try it sometime."

If you've never loved then you cannot know what it is and miss what you've lost.

Instead having loved and then lost it's a lot like finding yourself as a heroin addict in a heroin-free world. You know what you have lost, you can't get more and it hurts.

I have loved so many girls and I still don't regret it. It's the happiest feelings in the whole world... It's like you're high on drugs.

 

[RoJoHen]

Phrases like "There are NO DECENT WOMEN in my area!!!!" are just bizarre.

There are lots of decent women in my area. They're just all in relationships already!

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Phrases like "There are NO DECENT WOMEN in my area!!!!" are just bizarre.

There are lots of decent women in my area. They're just all in relationships already!

Afraid of being a homewrecker or what? Risk is our business, son!!

 

[RoJoHen]

Phrases like "There are NO DECENT WOMEN in my area!!!!" are just bizarre.

There are lots of decent women in my area. They're just all in relationships already!

Afraid of being a homewrecker or what? Risk is our business, son!!

Not afraid. Just lazy.