Are you lonely?

[K'Ehleyr]

I'm not lonely as such, but I hate to be alone. I have to have the tele on in the background for company and if no one else is home I'm usually on here or facebook.
I have Man and Son and Cat so not lonely.

My best friends are now married with children and live far away so we keep in contact by email, phone and old fashioned letter!

I did lose a group of good girl friends a couple of years ago due to an awful incident ~ not of my doing, and it saddens me. I find I don't have many friends to go out with 'in town' now.

I have a great group of work girls and work in a golf club so it's obviously sociable.

But I still have no-one to go to see the new Sex and the City film with

I would be lonely without the net though I think ~ but isn't that's what it's for?

 

[MeanJoePhaser]

When I'm alone, I'm not lonely enough; I'd like to get away from myself.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Yes, I'm extremely lonely. I consistantly feel distanced from other people; I just don't view the world the same way as anyone else, and while I make casual friends easily (and I mean, really easily- people who meet me in person seem to just automatically like me straight away for some reason) actual deep relationships are very rare. People relate to other people on a mass of assumptions, of course, and I never fit anyone's assumptions. I'm too much of a wild card for them, I think. And I myself worry about offending people. I shy away from relationships lest I do something wrong.

The worst part is lack of physical contact. I don't think anyone has touched my skin for more than a brief second for over four years. It drives me mad- I spend excessive amounts of time just feeling my own skin, holding myself, stroking my arms, etc...probably sounds weird, but I need some sense of being touched.

 

[Udat]

Actually I wish people would stop bugging me! I want to be alone.....

 

[Adm_Hawthorne]

Actually I wish people would stop bugging me! I want to be alone.....

Then you should have Greta Garbo as you avatar picture.

 

[Admiral Buzzkill]

No.

 

[Captain Shaw]

I do get lonely I've no friendships, or romantic attachments.
The last time I went out was a christmas works party in 2007 but I left early as I am not very good interacting with other people I wish I had friends to go out with but the fact I don't go out means I am a little weird to most people so I have trouble getting to know people.
It does not help that if someone does talk to me I go bright red even if we are talking about nothing important.
The factory where I work shuts down for a week next week and all the things I have planed are all by myself.

 

[Shikarnov]

I wasn't, but I am now. My wife doesn't laugh at my jokes like she used to. We used eat together, but now she eats in front of her computer playing WoW. When we are together, it's watching TV or sleeping. She has no interest in community, and so I often go to various events and committee meetings alone. My house feels like a tomb, and I'm lonely even when I'm with people. But none of it has to do with the Internet -- which is, to some degree, my lifeline.

 

[melancholymecha]

Not particularly. I suspect that I should as I've no friendships, nor romantic attachments, few relations with family and limited social contacts of any kind whatsoever, and this has been the case for a number of years now. I naturally seek and am most comfortable in solitude, I find most social contact - even that which is unobjectionable at the time - exhausting.

I could have written this myself. I feel the exact same way.

and if it wasnt for the internet Id be socializing even less. I probably do more socializing online than i do in RL. Its just so much easier for someone who has Asperger's & social anxiety!

 

[Yalana Cotu]

Was I once? Yes. Am I now? No - not in any usual sense.

It is easy for me to understand why children can feel so painfully lonely. Especially those who are different, or who frequently need to relocate. When I was very young, I was constantly moved: place to place, family to family. And then, there was the problem of seeming to be a "subset of one" to the world in general. I have no birth family, having been declared a "ghost" for their religious reasons. And most foster parents did not understand my language, such as it was back then . I suppose that since I would soon be gone to the next family, they had no good reason to try. People learn to shield themselves against this kind of damage. The injury of making a bond, and then having it ripped apart kills a part of you every time this is done. So, looking back, I can not blame them.

As I became older, I either grew up, or gave up. I am really not exactly sure which: perhaps both. It is as if, I realized that this life does not go on forever, and so, I will not need to hurt forever. So, I may as well be happy, here and now, long before I will never need to hurt again. I believe that, eventually, most people come to this same conclusion, if they live long enough. I was just fortunate to see this at a very young age due to my peculiar set of circumstances. That is all.

These days, I tend to actively seek solitude, both physically and emotionally, but enjoy companionship, wherever, and whenever, I find it. I have many friends, who think I am sort of cool because I am sort of different. And, a very nice boyfriend, who tells me that I am "his world". ...However, I was once told exactly this same thing by another, who was just as sincere. He left me when the "perfect" woman finally came into his life, one who was everything I was not: rich, beautiful, very well educated, and from a supportive family that never abandoned her. She truly was his soul-mate. So, I do not blame him. He helped me learn much about myself. I am just too different, too out of phase, too nerdy and boring for anyone else.

While I do enjoy my current boyfriend's company, immensely, I can never, exactly, feel very attached. It is as if I appreciate him from some incredibly long distance. I think that he will, most likely, find someone out there on his side of that distance, someday. And if he does, I will not blame him. As for now, I think that he thinks that I am refreshingly easy to get along with, because of the lack of what he calls "drama". The truth is, there is no "drama" in me, or much of anything else, either. One day, he will tire of this, and he will see me as boring, also.

So, until the day finally comes, when I will not need to hurt anymore, forever - I will continue to do exactly what I seem to do quite well. I will be there for friends who appreciate me, doing whatever I can to help them, and make their world a better place. And - I will actually, be very happy ...in my own way.

No, I am not lonely. Only mildly dissatisfied with my own limitations at perceiving my reality correctly, at times.

 

[Yalana Cotu]

... bright red even if we are talking about nothing important.

Serial thread killer, I hope this is not too forward of me, but has anyone ever mentioned a condition called "rosacea"? It is very rare (apparently, so rare that this site's spell checker does not even recognize the word), but extremely painful, and severely socially disabling. It usually appears as a flushing, or "butterfly rash" across the victims face, for "no apparent emotional reason". Here is a link about it from the Mayo Clinic.
I hope this is helpful.

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

Actually I wish people would stop bugging me! I want to be alone.....

Beat me to it.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

I suppose I'd best answer the question myself properly, especially in relation to the OP.

In the last 6 years or so I would definitely consider myself to be someone who is alone. Physically alone, that is. Geographically away from people I care about, I've learned during much of that time that I can and should cope with it, espcially as I'm not the most sociable kind anyway and don't regularly go out with friends (my circles of friends change so rapidly that it's difficult to keep things concrete, but that's another matter entirely). However, thanks to things like phones and the Internet, I have been able to keep in touch with many people and even meet new people of similar minds and tastes and flavours and scents. Although I do appear unsociable and keep to myself a lot, I have noticed that should I find a kindred spirit or someone I can definitely relate to, my demeanour changes a lot. It seems artificial compared to the traditional ways of socialising, but for the most part I have not found being isolated and alone to be a problem. In other words, I have not felt "lonely."

Until recently, that is. But that's another story, one I'm not ready to tell yet.

As for the role of technology such as (in particular) The Internet™ in influencing how "lonely" I feel, I find it has been a double-edged sword. On the one hand it has provided me with a means to communicate with the outside world in a novel way and learn about things too, even though there's that stereotypical sheltered Miranda-ish quality about the whole thing. On the other hand it acts as a barrier and a reminder that it isn't really the same as meeting people face to face, and in many ways can be a safety blanket, something that is reliable [Until it breaks - someone] and there when I need it. Perhaps I am being too reliant on this technology in terms of how it influences my feelings (or lack thereof) of loneliness? Perhaps I need to step outside and get about for a bit? (I could do with the exercise, to be honest.)

Perhaps Gary Numan was right after all.

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ldyx3KHOFXw[/yt]

 

[Kestra]

I wasn't, but I am now. My wife doesn't laugh at my jokes like she used to. We used eat together, but now she eats in front of her computer playing WoW. When we are together, it's watching TV or sleeping. She has no interest in community, and so I often go to various events and committee meetings alone. My house feels like a tomb, and I'm lonely even when I'm with people. But none of it has to do with the Internet -- which is, to some degree, my lifeline.

WoW can suck the life out of a person if you're not careful. I hope you find a way to reconnect with each other. Leading parallel lives with a spouse is no fun.

 

[Rek]

Loneliness is for girls.

^Lol @ all the posts you make.

I think any dude who acts super macho isn't comfortable with his sexuality.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

^ Er, what does sexuality have to do with anything?

 

[Rek]

^ Er, what does sexuality have to do with anything?

Being hyper-sensitive to anything male and scared of anything female unless you can have sex with it?

From my own experience, I say thats a sign of something. The last guy I had as a friend that was super mucho and talked about how he hated gay guys but that he was "ok with just me." He ended up sleeping with me. I'm bisexual and can act pretty girly when I want too but that doesn't really excuse the fact he slept with a guy.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

^ Er, what does sexuality have to do with anything?

Being hyper-sensitive to anything male and scared of anything female unless you can have sex with it?

You've sort of lost me, I'm afraid.

Forgive me if I'm being rude or anything, but saying "super macho" types must be uncomfortable with their sexuality- as you did- is no different from saying that non-"macho" men must be homosexual, or that non-"feminine" women must be lesbians. Some people are quite comfortable being traditionally "manly", and it doesn't reflect on their self-knowledge or sexuality at all.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Loneliness extends across all boundaries of gender, orientation, etc. Everyone can feel it. And it doesn't mean you're less of [whatever you are] if you do.

 

[Rek]

^ Er, what does sexuality have to do with anything?

Being hyper-sensitive to anything male and scared of anything female unless you can have sex with it?

You've sort of lost me, I'm afraid.

Forgive me if I'm being rude or anything, but saying "super macho" types must be uncomfortable with their sexuality- as you did- is no different from saying that non-"macho" men must be homosexual, or that non-"feminine" women must be lesbians. Some people are quite comfortable being traditionally "manly", and it doesn't reflect on their self-knowledge or sexuality at all.

Hmm...you have a point.

I guess I've just become biased by that because it could be a GLBT thing, as I am a part of that community. I'm use to some(not all) guys talking about overcompensating their manlyness to hide. Before I became a loner, I was one of them, small but manly like a pitbull.