TOS Caption Contest #85 - Shuttle Trouble

"Two-ply my ASS, Jim..."

 

Niko Bellic (in the shuttle): "Would any of you know how to hotwire a matter/antimatter reactor?"

 

"I could be mistaken, Jim, but the Mother Horta seems to eat a lot of Mexican."



"How's THIS for a carbon footprint, tree huggers!!!"



Mid-23rd century Starfleet shuttles were prone to nasty Rigellian squirrel infestations.

 

Scotty: "Borgas frat! That's where they've been hiding the plot on Voyager."

 

Dee: "Thats it, ive finished painting the papier mache walls, Gene."


Christmas Day. 2760.04, Cargo Bay 4:

Spock recieves the new 'Full Scale' Polar lights shuttle craft from his friend on deck 8.

Scotty: "Dammit, ive dropped the smallest part of this kit that nobody will notice once its finnished into the finnished engine manifold. Itll take a week to prise open the bottom of this."
Spock: "But you have to retrieve it, it has to be screen-accurate."
Gaetano: "Gone are the days where they had AMT. just an empty shell, no un necessary detail to fart arse around with. "

 

Scot: Catch 'im in a box! Smash 'im w' a spanner! Tell you what boys. Whichever one o' you can catch the wee beastie, that's how we'll decide what to do with him!




Just look at these body fluids! Something from every person in the crew! This is why I took up medicine, by golly! Well, this and Asian nurses.



Well here comes the prince of the trailer park, still wearing last night's clothes. Hey Spock get your ass in the house afore I beat you with a fan belt! You better not be messin' with that T Bonz hussy! I'll tell it to Springer!



Look mister, I just wanted to go to 49th street! Just because I fell asleep doesn't mean I want a tour of the Alpha Quadrant! I'll have your hack license for this!

 

SCOTTY:"She's flooded.

Someone go fetch the dipstick and crusty rag."




"Christine was right.

I am lactose intolerant."



"DUDE...it's like I can see the styrofoam molecules in my head!!"



"What the....?!

Did...did we just warp into a HALO game intro or something?"

 

[

Spock: <thinking> MMMM MMMMM!


McCoy: Thank god the Captain isn't here. He'd Do it! He'd do Anything!






Nimoy: Quick Bill! to the "SPOCK-MOBILE!"





Scotty: Hoot Mon, You need to put more water when you flush or you will always plug the pipes up of the shuttle-johnny!






Kirk: Comeon Bones, I said heal, not give an anal cavity search!





<echos of a big fart>

Crew on shuttle: Goddamn it Spock! why didn't you go on the planet.!

 

McCoy: "The caption contest didn't change on Saturday, so I killed Spock with an ice pick and have been tearing apart his corpse with my bare hands. I made holsters out of his ears, and I used the ends of his penises to create makeshift phasers what shoot green blood."

 

The caption contest didn't change?

Maybe because I'm waiting for a response from a PM I sent to Shatmandu on whether he used a picture before.

In fairness, I just sent him the PM this morning. He still can kill any characters he wants to.

 

McCoy: "Kirk got lucky: I was going to dissect his testicles."

 

Ah, I forgot about the change given the May Day holiday here in the UK.

 

ROTO ROOTER

Because even a thousand parsecs from home you can never get away from bad blockages.(TM)



"Note to self.

From now on...avoid the synthesized chimichongas."




"Dudes...we better be extra careful with the picnic basket! Like...I hear there are sentient, talkin' BEARS on this planet, man!!"



"1.8 light years to the gallon my ass."

 

McCoy:Can you just end this silly contest so I can wash my damn hands already?!

 

VOICE OF CAMPFIRE LEADER:"And there...on his hands...were turds!!"

(*Kids scream*)

 

McCoy was in a Vulcan performance of Macbeth:

"Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the red one green."



And I'll change the contest tonight or tomorrow morning.

 

McCoy: "I have a ... special way ... of smoothing out the guac."

 

McCoy: "Well, what do you know? I finally got the last turd!"

 

^ You know, Rat Boy, if there was any justice, you'd win just for that caption. But there isn't, so you don't. Hell of a closing try, though.

I am working on the new contest right now.