TOS Caption Contest #85 - Shuttle Trouble

"Damn Olestra."



"The rental guys back at Starbase 5 are not going to be happy about this..."



"Gimme a wee hand, Mister Spock. Accordin' to Alonzo and his crew, the box of money is somewhere down here.

'Tis not what ye know...'tis what ye can prove."

 

Chekov: "Galileo II? Shouldn't we be up to Galileo VIII by now?"

 

McCoy: Jim, tricorder says we can smoke just about anything that grows on this planet, including the native hippies.

 

McCoy: "How long did they say it would take for the tow truck to get here?"

 

Chekov: AAA is coming all the way from Rigel? Christ!

 

McCoy: "I could get both hands up in there. We need a better grade of Orion slave girls, Jim ..."





In the first draft script, Spock used the plasma trail to spell out the words "GAY BAR" to attract the helm's attention.





Scotty: "Och, the generator's jammed up with spliffs and a stack of Ebony magazines ..."
Spock: "Mr. Gaetano, please ask Mr. Boma to step inside, please."

 

Just when you think the contest can't go any lower, someone finds the continental shelf and we're plummeting again

 

McCoy: "By golly Jim, I can milk Vulcans!"

 

Scotty: "Canna change their own bloody oil."

 

Scotty: "Y'know, we may all die and all, but it sure is nice to be away from the Captain for a while, isn't it?
Gaetano: "Yep."
Spock: "Fuckin' A'."

 

Spock: "I need to piss now!"



Grignak, the fish-looking auto mechanic asswipe: "Parts you name, money I name, otherwise repairs nooooooooo."

 

^ Beat me to it!



^ Fruit you name, drug I name, otherwise Phish tickets no.

 

McCoy: "Well, whataya know. Two hands are needed to pleasure futanari women."

 

Grignak, the fish-looking coffee asswipe: "What miss did I?"



McCoy: "Will you people please get out of the kitchen? Plomeek soup doesn't make itself, you know."

 

Say what you want, but Spock's penis puppetry act was a grabber.

 

"She told me she douched!!

The lying SKANK!!!!"





"The Captain's going to be ticked that we jettisoned all of his weed to make the shuttle lighter.

On the bright side, the ape creatures down there aren't going to stop eating for MONTHS."






"Knew it.

Someone tried to flush a cotton washcloth."

 

Irina: Come on, admit it, we're lost.

McCoy: If I can just find the interstate...

 

McCOY:"Dammit, Pavel...

you guys picked a REAL inconvenient spot for a dope orgy."

 

The Federation's first contact with the mysterious Guacamole People of the Mexicanos Nebula didn't go as well as planned.