Facts About Captain Robau

Robau was Larry, Darryl AND their other brother Darryl...all at the same time.

 

Octoplets aren't a miracle of modern science, it's just Robau that gave sperm one day.

 

^ And, you should know, he only gave one single sperm. It just split off into octoplets. His sperm is that powerful. Naturally!

 

Robau's sperm are such good swimmers, they're each capable of outperforming Michael Phelps AND Mark Spitz...at the same time!

 

There such good swimmers girls have become pregant by giving him a blow-job.

 

Back in the days of VHS, Blockbuster never fined Robau for being late or not rewinding.

 

Robau put the bomp in the bomp ba bomp ba bomp.

Robau put the ram in the rama lama ding dong.

 

If anything, Robau fined them.

 

Robau invented music, fire and the wheel.

 

When Hawaiians discovered Robau, they stopped having virgins throw themselves into Kilauea as sacrifice to Pele and started to Robau.

 

^And they returned alive and well, but no longer virgins...

 

Robau gave Hawaii five Ohs.

 

Captain Robau runs this shit like an iron-fisted tyrant, and you know what WE LOVE IT!

 

Robau sent me flowers for tonight's opening of the play I'm appearing in, To Kill A Mocking Bird, because he knew I secretly desired them.

 

Gabe, Robau says, "Break a leg."

 

When this thread reaches 1,000,000 post Robau will appear and we will be able to bask in his eternal badassness.

 

And there will be whiskey, cigarettes and women (or men) with loose morals as far as the eye can see.

There will also be ice cream sandwiches and hugs.

 

If Robau finds out who killed JFK he will beat them to death with the butt of a Mannlicher-Carcano rifle.

 

The Galactica never runs out of vipers because Robau constantly wills new ones into existence.

 

Robau understand how Walter Bishop's mind works.