Facts About Captain Chris Pike

No... he just beamed the stripper to his bunk and then... ate her later Oh golly that sounded dirty

 

Pike taught me how to break a horse, and how to love a woman...

He slept with every single other captain's wife

 

(drunkenly) "TO CHRIS PIKE!"

Hey girlie, you mind freshening up my drink?

 

Chris Pike's family crescent has a picture of a barracuda devouring Zephram Cochrane

 

Parents still scare little spacer kids with stories about Cannibal Chris.

 

When the Enterprise was about to be crushed by the black hole, it wasn't Scotty using the warp core explosion that save them, It was Captain Pike outside giving the Enterprise a push...

With one arm...

While in his wheelchair...

 

true story...Chris Pike get's his wife pregnant, so she gives birth to a delicious 16 oz steak...the afterbirth was sauteed mushrooms...

Did I ever tell about the time Pike was in a production of "The King & I"? On opening night, Pike chloroformed the entire cast.. and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours! The production got pretty good reviews..

 

Pike once joined forces with Robau and Kirk and tag-teamed every Orion slave girl in the quadrant.

 

in every universe

 

In ALL universes.

 

simultaneously

 

While getting handjobs from all the female Qs in their continuum.

 

and thats where fluidic space came from (eww)

 

species 8472 consequently love living in fluidic space (double eww)

 

Chuck Norris has Chris Pike pajamas.

When Robert April heard that Pike wanted to be the first captain of the Enterprise, he thought about it for a moment, adjusted his sweater, and spontaneously ceased to exist.

 

Pike is the only other person in the entire universe who can stomach Robau's speciality: Spagetti 'Gagh' Bolognaise'. They met once to reminisce about old times over a batch and Gagh became a scarce resource and rather pricy, and was consequently regarded as a delicacy ever after.

 

Pike was his OWN childhood hero.

Pike gave Kirk the Enterprise so that he could get back to running the universe.

 

Chris Pike awesome is the reason why the warp nacelles glow blue, because red just isn't hot enough!

 

Captain Pike prefers dressing in a TPM styled costume when attending Star Trek conventions.

 

Captain Pike is so well regarded that they renamed the first star trek film to honour him.