Not bad. But, I think we could have left out the old Enterprise obliterating the new one. The prequel/reboot wasn't all that bad.
Personally, I disagree. FWIW, I don't interpret her fantasizing about blowing up the nuEnt as a slight against the new film. On the contrary, I see it as a temper tantrum resulting from jealousy, that could plausibly be in character for a Beauty Queen, in satire. By the way, I love the voice you gave her: "Still love ya", "It tickles", "Hello, Kitty memorabilia", ....too much!
Hey, what about the "Love long flights over the beach when I travel back in time" (ala TOS:R Assignment Earth)?