STAR TREK Jokes, Parodies, And Puns...

[Farscape One]

I have tried to find the joke or pun thread that I posted in sometime a couple months ago, but I can't find it. (The search feature was not helpful... I never seem to be able to get the result I am lookong for.) So I have decided to just start one of my own, and hope everyone adds some of their own STAR TREK puns, parodies, or jokes here.

I'll kick it off with a parody. I was randomly thinking about this series earlier today, and the theme song title made me think of a personal favorite DS9 season 1 episode.


"Move Along Home"
(To the tune of "Movin' On Up", theme for THE JEFFERSONS.)

Well, we'll "MOVE ALONG HOME" (move along home)
To DS9 (move along home)
To the deep space station
In the sky

Move along home (move along home)
To DS9 (move along home)
Quark finally got his scheme so denied

Bashir don't fry on Shap One
Kira don't find this a thrill
Took a lot of hopscotchin'
Dax showing off her skill

Pleading up to the Wadi
Quark's conscience attacks
"As long as they live, I'll stop cheatin', baby"
Falow ain't havin' that

Well, we'll "MOVE ALONG HOME" (move along home)
To DS9 (move along home)
To the deep space station
In the sky

Move along home (move along home)
To DS9 (move along home)
Quark finally got his scheme so denied

 

[Farscape One]

From my wife...

What do you call a pirate in Starfleet?






Arrrrrrrrrrrrcher.

 

[NCC-73515]

What do you have to pay for a night with a celebrity? The star's hip enter price.

 

[Oddish]

Someone Ate Pulaski

With no apologies whatsoever to Shel Silverstein. Because this poem may be appalling, but the one by him that it's based upon is worse!

Someone ate Pulaski
She did not report today.
Someone ate Pulaski
There's no doctor in Sickbay.
So even though we stop and hark,
We will not hear a smart remark
Delivered with her wonted snark.
Someone ate Pulaski.

Someone ate Pulaski,
It's truly sad to mention.
Someone ate Pulaski;
She will give no more dissention.
We'll never hear her mocking Data
Or calling him mere automata.
He's more than just a calculat-ah!
Someone ate Pulaski.

Someone ate Pulaski,
It's absolutely plain.
Someone ate Pulaski;
That's a doctor down the drain.
She did not tell us when she left.
And not one crewman feels bereft,
Despite the fact that she was deft
Someone ate Pulaski.

Someone ate Pulaski
What a nasty, awful snack!
Someone ate Pulaski,
So a doctor we now lack.
We'll have to contact Beverly
Have Jean-Luc say: "Return to me!
We need a doc for Season Three."
Someone ate Pulaski.

Someone ate Pulaski,
And her massive attitude.
Someone ate Pulaski,
Though a doctor isn't food.
I'll solve this mystery on the double;
T'was Wesley's static warping bubble
That opened without any trouble,
And gobbled up Pulaski.

 

[Rowdy Roddy McDowall]

It's almost operatic......so much so Robert DeNiro could cry over it.

Spike Jones made one hell of a Pagliacci parody long before this. Wish I still had the album.

Did Diana Muldaur use guest star status in year two to earn more money than most of the regulars, or was Pulaski always expected to be temporary? I actually liked her more in that role.

 

[Oddish]

Did Diana Muldaur use guest star status in year two to earn more money than most of the regulars, or was Pulaski always expected to be temporary? I actually liked her more in that role.

That's a good question. Gates McFadden was not expected to return; she had been full-on sacked by one of the showrunners, who was himself sacked at the end of S2. Maybe they decided that a returning character would do as a doctor.

 

[Farscape One]

What do you call an augmented computer chip?



SiliKhan.

 

[Oddish]

Q: What kind of rum do they drink on the Enterprise?
A: Picardi.

Q: What happens when you need your android operations officer to assist with several tasks, but he can only be in one place?
A: Insufficient Data.

Q: What do you call it when a six-ton boulder falls on your ship physician?
A: A Doctor Crusher.

 

[Rowdy Roddy McDowall]

That's a good question. Gates McFadden was not expected to return; she had been full-on sacked by one of the showrunners, who was himself sacked at the end of S2. Maybe they decided that a returning character would do as a doctor.

Muldaur brought an anti-TNGness to year two which was likely doomed from the start. If memory serves she popped up for the full 22. Or was it 24? She improved L.A. LAW with her guest role two or three years later until she walked into an empty elevator shaft. Other female characters during that year claimed Muldaur's character wasn't a team player, though I found no evidence to confirm that. L.A. LAW needed a Dick Dysart love interest, while god knows TNG needed crusty conflict.

 

[Farscape One]

22 episodes for season 2 TNG, but I believe there was only 1 or 2 she didn't appear in.

 

[Oddish]

22 episodes for season 2 TNG, but I believe there was only 1 or 2 she didn't appear in.

Odd. I wonder why they didn't just give her regular status in the credits, then.

Back to Trek jokes!

If Ben of DS9 had been born in California, would people call him San Fran Sisko?

If Jadzia eats between meals, is she having Dax Snax?

When the shapeshifter blew up in "Crossover", did he Explodo?

If someone throws their huevos rancheros at Starfleet's first Ferengi, did they egg Nog?

This one might be a bit dated, but if a human woman named Clarissa Daniels had married Quark's brother, would she change her name to C. D. Rom?

 

[Oddish]

Number One + A Harley = Biker Riker

VISOR Guy + A Buffet = LaForge Gorge

Harry + A Crash Diet = Slim Kim

Thomas Eugene + A Grenade = The Destruction of Paris

 

[Timewalker]

Two Enterprise security guards are checking the upcoming duty roster.

The first one suddenly becomes very pale, and swears. "Oh, damn! I've got landing party duty with the Captain and Mr. Spock!"

The second one puts a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. "Can I have your chess set?"

 

[Rowdy Roddy McDowall]

Taking a KIRK quote from FRIDAY'S CHILD, act one, scene one: (Guard Grant bites the dust)

KIRK: He was young. And inexperienced.
McCOY: Maybe if you'd included him in the @#$%ing briefing....
SPOCK: In-damn-deed.

 

[Oddish]

I wonder what would happen if you put Kathryn Janeway in an old-style TOS red shirt.

Redshirts cannot survive.
Janeway cannot die.

It's like the whole "irresistible force and immovable object" paradox.

 

[Rowdy Roddy McDowall]

But regular redshirts can die. Just not for long.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

If someone throws their huevos rancheros at Starfleet's first Ferengi, did they egg Nog?

You saw my Christmas art contest entry?

 

[Oddish]

You saw my Christmas art contest entry?

I have now, and it will only serve to "egg" me on.

 

[hbquikcomjamesl]

Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Klingons are not afraid of the dark!

Q: How many Ferengi does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: How much latinum ya got?

Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Where is the logic in constructing lightbulbs that require changing?

Q: How many Cardassians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just try to convince you that there are five lights.

And while this is a B5 joke, it got a laugh (and a request for permission to share it) out of Patti Tallman, at a Creation convention in Pasadena, many years ago:

Q: How many Vorlons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Vorlons don't need lightbulbs. Vorlons could get jobs as lighbulbs.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

Q: Why did Garak kill his apprentice?
A: He didn't measure up!

Q: How did Garak start his interrogation sessions?
A: With a needle and threat!