Jade Goody's two sons will not attend her funeral
- Thread starter TheSeeker
- Start date
My parents wouldn't let me go to my grandfather's funeral when I was nine. As an adult I wish they had let me say goodbye. He has no grave (his ashes were scattered) so I have never really been able to say goodbye to him.
However my mother went to her father's funeral when she was five and it deeply upset her. But I think funerals in the 1930s were much more sombre than they usually are today so if the funeral arrangements took into account that the children would be there I think I would encourage children to go.
EDITED TO ADD:
My grandfather's death was extremely traumatic to me. On 7 February 1967 the Tasmanian Bushfires occued. I remember my mother desperately trying to ring my grandparents to see if they were OK. Then my 16 years cousin arrived and said he had heard that my grandparents' town had been destroyed. For the next few hours I sat in my room believing that my grandfather might have been burnt to death. Then my aunt arrive to tell us that the town had been destroyed but that my grandparents were safe. My grandparents' house was destroyed, they lost their dog, their very old parrot, and all their chickens etc..
The next day we went down to visit my grandparents. I was horrified see how little remained of the town. My uncles house was one of a handful standing. We went inside and my grandfather came out into the kitchen. He sat down at the table and started to cry. It was the first and only time I ever saw him cry.
A few days later my grandparents went into a nursing home. I was only allowed to see them once at the nursing home. I remember thinking it was strange to see them in bed.
In early May my father came home distressed. He was crying and he vomited in the backyard. He asked where Mum was. We called Mum and Dad told her that his father had died.
I don't think a funeral would have upset me any more than I was already upset.
However my mother went to her father's funeral when she was five and it deeply upset her. But I think funerals in the 1930s were much more sombre than they usually are today so if the funeral arrangements took into account that the children would be there I think I would encourage children to go.
EDITED TO ADD:
My grandfather's death was extremely traumatic to me. On 7 February 1967 the Tasmanian Bushfires occued. I remember my mother desperately trying to ring my grandparents to see if they were OK. Then my 16 years cousin arrived and said he had heard that my grandparents' town had been destroyed. For the next few hours I sat in my room believing that my grandfather might have been burnt to death. Then my aunt arrive to tell us that the town had been destroyed but that my grandparents were safe. My grandparents' house was destroyed, they lost their dog, their very old parrot, and all their chickens etc..
The next day we went down to visit my grandparents. I was horrified see how little remained of the town. My uncles house was one of a handful standing. We went inside and my grandfather came out into the kitchen. He sat down at the table and started to cry. It was the first and only time I ever saw him cry.
A few days later my grandparents went into a nursing home. I was only allowed to see them once at the nursing home. I remember thinking it was strange to see them in bed.
In early May my father came home distressed. He was crying and he vomited in the backyard. He asked where Mum was. We called Mum and Dad told her that his father had died.
I don't think a funeral would have upset me any more than I was already upset.
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I dunno. I'm sure they were at Jade's bedside many times in her final days. They surely had plenty of time to pay their last respects. If they are that upset, maybe it's best they don't go - it might only make their pain worse.
Each family must judge on their own. If this is going to be a big, media event funeral...might be for the best.
I'm sure the family will let them pay their respects before hand, and perhaps change their minds closer to the occasion if they have settled down and expresses a desire to attend.
My thoughts and prayerss to all of them in this trying time.
I'm sure the family will let them pay their respects before hand, and perhaps change their minds closer to the occasion if they have settled down and expresses a desire to attend.
My thoughts and prayerss to all of them in this trying time.
Frankly, I'm more interested in what member of the family arranged for the photo-exclusives of the kids that appeared in the Sun in the days after her death.
I actually think they should stuff Jade and then take the corpse on a tour of the UK, people would be able to pay £5 to have their picture taken with her - I mean, come on, the fact that she's dead shouldn't stop her being a valuable revenue steam for Max Clifford et al.
I actually think they should stuff Jade and then take the corpse on a tour of the UK, people would be able to pay £5 to have their picture taken with her - I mean, come on, the fact that she's dead shouldn't stop her being a valuable revenue steam for Max Clifford et al.
you know during Jade Goodys march, and paper were all "Jade Goody not date yet" I thought it was sick, but I figured when she did die they would take a long hard look at themselves and move on.
but no, they are now going after her two sons, her husband and her mother sure they can take some, but these are two young boys grieving their mother, the press has no business writing about them.
but no, they are now going after her two sons, her husband and her mother sure they can take some, but these are two young boys grieving their mother, the press has no business writing about them.
I really hate it when people (and the press) exploit children in situations like this.
Well first of all, I have no idea who Jade Goody is.
And as for her children, I don't really have a problem with keeping young children away from funerals. I was in 5th grade when my grandfather died and my parents didn't allow us kids to go to the funeral, and I don't think I suffered any ill effects from that.
To be honest, I'm not very good at funerals. I don't face death very well at all, and even though I loved my own father, who died when I was in my early 20's, I was absolutely terrified at his funeral. I simply could not face his death and never even looked at his coffin - from the time the back door of the hearse opened up, I just looked out across the cemetery in the other direction and pretended with all my might that I was somewhere else. I'm sure to others at the funeral I looked like I didn't care at all - my mother went to pieces and fell all over the coffin (I saw this happening in my peripheral vision and it sent me into total panic inside, though on the outside I never flinched), my brother and sister cried (they were sitting beside me and I could hear them). And all the while, I sat there like a rock. I didn't cry. I didn't move. I just detached myself from the entire event and pretended it wasn't happening.
I dealt with his death, but in my own way over the next few months. Coming face to face with it - up close and personal (especially since it was unexpected and he was only 62) just put me on overload and I went into denial.
So - do I have a problem with keeping kids away from a funeral? Not in the slightest. Different people react to the death of a loved one in different ways - some need to mourn up close and personal, some (like me) need to sort of 'warm up to the idea' of the person being gone over a period of time. And I think little kids shouldn't have to be put in a position that I was in at 22 - forcing myself into denial.
And as for her children, I don't really have a problem with keeping young children away from funerals. I was in 5th grade when my grandfather died and my parents didn't allow us kids to go to the funeral, and I don't think I suffered any ill effects from that.
To be honest, I'm not very good at funerals. I don't face death very well at all, and even though I loved my own father, who died when I was in my early 20's, I was absolutely terrified at his funeral. I simply could not face his death and never even looked at his coffin - from the time the back door of the hearse opened up, I just looked out across the cemetery in the other direction and pretended with all my might that I was somewhere else. I'm sure to others at the funeral I looked like I didn't care at all - my mother went to pieces and fell all over the coffin (I saw this happening in my peripheral vision and it sent me into total panic inside, though on the outside I never flinched), my brother and sister cried (they were sitting beside me and I could hear them). And all the while, I sat there like a rock. I didn't cry. I didn't move. I just detached myself from the entire event and pretended it wasn't happening.
I dealt with his death, but in my own way over the next few months. Coming face to face with it - up close and personal (especially since it was unexpected and he was only 62) just put me on overload and I went into denial.
So - do I have a problem with keeping kids away from a funeral? Not in the slightest. Different people react to the death of a loved one in different ways - some need to mourn up close and personal, some (like me) need to sort of 'warm up to the idea' of the person being gone over a period of time. And I think little kids shouldn't have to be put in a position that I was in at 22 - forcing myself into denial.
consider yourself lucky
G
Garrovick
Guest
I've never been to a funeral. Not for any family member. My Father died a month after I saw him last in a nursing home. I went to see him when he was alive, but expected to die at any time. The rest of my family all lived in Germany and it was financially impossible.
see i agree if this is going to be some media thing it might be better if they dont go.
if the body hasnt be cremeted or whatever yet let them spend a little private time saying goodbye and then take them some place private and let them be.
heck i have some adult friends who dont do well with funerals.
they will go and spend time with the people they care about during their illness and do stuff for them.
they will visit the funeral home.
but they cant deal with all the funeral stuff.
I believe children should be a part of the funeral service. It is important to have a chance to say goodbye.
When my brother died my kid was much too little to understand. But his presence lightend the mood of everyone (except me who was more stressed by it because i could not grieve openly). It is now 9 years ago.
When my mother died about 3 years ago, he also attended, and fully understood. It was very important to him.
When my brother died my kid was much too little to understand. But his presence lightend the mood of everyone (except me who was more stressed by it because i could not grieve openly). It is now 9 years ago.
When my mother died about 3 years ago, he also attended, and fully understood. It was very important to him.
We're talking about a 5 and 4 year old here. The 4-year-old, especially, likely has no real grasp of the concept of death and wouldn't be able to "say goodbye" at the funeral anyway.
At that very young age, I think it's perfectly appropriate to keep them away from their mother's funeral.
At that very young age, I think it's perfectly appropriate to keep them away from their mother's funeral.
I can see why the family would want to keep children away if the funeral is going to end up as a media circus but I still think that, on a whole, children should go to funerals.
Funerals need to become more a celebration of someone's life rather than the sombre affairs they are.
My father was an atheist and insisted that his funeral should reflect that. It was the most beautiful funeral I have ever attended. First his older brother stood up and told about seeing my father for the first time just after my Dad was born. My mother told about her first date with Dad. My sister's told their stories, I told mine, my son, my cousin and a nephew spoke as well. Any child present would have enjoyed the stories as the stories were amusing.
The last thing done at the funeral was to play the team song of the St Kilda Football Club. Dad's football beanie, team banner and a teddy bear dress in team colours where on the top of the coffin.
When I die I want people to leave listening to the Monty Python song "The Bright Side of Life".
Funerals need to become more a celebration of someone's life rather than the sombre affairs they are.
My father was an atheist and insisted that his funeral should reflect that. It was the most beautiful funeral I have ever attended. First his older brother stood up and told about seeing my father for the first time just after my Dad was born. My mother told about her first date with Dad. My sister's told their stories, I told mine, my son, my cousin and a nephew spoke as well. Any child present would have enjoyed the stories as the stories were amusing.
The last thing done at the funeral was to play the team song of the St Kilda Football Club. Dad's football beanie, team banner and a teddy bear dress in team colours where on the top of the coffin.
When I die I want people to leave listening to the Monty Python song "The Bright Side of Life".
I come from a Christian family and we have always had very upbeat funerals, no reason not to when you believe what we believe. I don't think there's much of a problem with kids going to Funerals like that. Having never been to a somber or depressing funeral I don't know but I could see reason to keep the kids away from some experiences posted here.
As for the age thing, my soon to be 4 year old has a decent grasp on the concept of death. None of his family has died in his short life but he gets the idea and would be fine with it. My 2 year old wouldn't get it at all but would be expected to come to help lighten the mood after the service.
As for the age thing, my soon to be 4 year old has a decent grasp on the concept of death. None of his family has died in his short life but he gets the idea and would be fine with it. My 2 year old wouldn't get it at all but would be expected to come to help lighten the mood after the service.
Congratulations.
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