Deep Space Nine Caption Contest 93: Garak. Plain, Simple, Garak.

[Smellincoffee]

With foes, friends, and those in-between Bajorans out of the way, we're finally getting to the regular cast. Mr. Garak is in a class by himself, but first -- winners!

MARTOK: I'm impressed Avery. You finally found a role that fits your acting style.
AVERY BROOKS: KLINGONS DO NOT...WHISPER!!!
MARTOK: We should swap characters.

DUKAT: No, this is how we must leave the lighting during the attack. When Sisko beams over, he'll think we're Prophets.

Gul Dukat: Do you know why Quark only hires Bajoran dabo girls?
Odo: No, why?
Gul Dukat: He heard they have a Prophet motive.
Odo: That's it, you're under arrest.

Baseball player: Aggressive, Adversarial.
Baseball Player hit by pitch.
Baseball Player: Painful!

Winn: I'm sorry, Solbor, I must have forgotten basic anatomy. You really should have asked someone else to do your prostate exam.

Jaro: ``Look, I know I'm a despicable, dishonest, deceptive, fundamentally unprincipled, malicious, manipulative … I'm standing right behind you, aren't I?''

Dukat: Odo, I need for you to find the murderer.
Odo stares at Dukat
Dukat: Not funny, Odo.

And now, continuing on the countdown to 100....Garak, plain and simple.

 

[Admiral Bear]

With foes, friends, and those in-between Bajorans out of the way, we're finally getting to the regular cast. Mr. Garak is in a class by himself, but first -- winners!

MARTOK: I'm impressed Avery. You finally found a role that fits your acting style.
AVERY BROOKS: KLINGONS DO NOT...WHISPER!!!
MARTOK: We should swap characters.

DUKAT: No, this is how we must leave the lighting during the attack. When Sisko beams over, he'll think we're Prophets.

Gul Dukat: Do you know why Quark only hires Bajoran dabo girls?
Odo: No, why?
Gul Dukat: He heard they have a Prophet motive.
Odo: That's it, you're under arrest.

Jaro: ``Look, I know I'm a despicable, dishonest, deceptive, fundamentally unprincipled, malicious, manipulative … I'm standing right behind you, aren't I?''

Dukat: Odo, I need for you to find the murderer.
Odo stares at Dukat
Dukat: Not funny, Odo.

And now, continuing on the countdown to 100....Garak, plain and simple.

Bashir: Garak, I know what you said about the only reasonable course of action being to quit, but do think I could impregnate Honeybear first?

Garak: Why, Doctor! I didn't think you had it in you.

Ziyal: I'm sorry, I never should've looked up the Peter Sellars lift scene in the Federation database.

Garak: It's alright, Ziyal, we'll just blame it on Sisko's cooking.

Kira: And if could just remember what my next line was. . . .

Garak: Cut! Visitor to Ore Processing!

Damar: Thank God we don't have One Take Frakes directing this scene!

Kira: Shut it, Casey. The only dialogue you have in the last two episodes is "Free Cardassia".

Damar: I know, but I'll deliver them with such aplomb, my death scene will have Dorn crying in to his prune juice. I'm an actooooor, don't you know.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

GARAK: And don't worry Doctor, I'm not bisexual anymore. The writers put a stop to that.

GARAK: The Klingons can see our blasters. I don't know why they keep charging us with bat'leths. Haven't they seen Raiders Of The Lost Ark?
DUKAT: Intelligence is without honor.

BASHIR: Actually it's okay if this character dies.
GARAK: But if she dies, Dax will... This is what the character usually looks like, isn't it?

GARAK: She's the only other Cardassian on the station. But she's a teenager. Must think of way to do this without it being creepy...must think...GGHH!
ZIYAL: Garak, are you having a stroke?

KIRA: We need to be stealthy, strike hard and fast then disappear into the shadows.
RUSOT: NO! We must fight like Cardassians, charge them head on!
DAMAR: *sigh* Why is everybody I like so stupid and everybody I hate so smart?

 

[Nerys Myk]

BASHIR: I forget, what's your wildly inappropriate, sexually suggestive name in this program?

DAX: Honey Bare....wait, what?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Dukat: (stab) And THAT's for drinking all my Kanar!

Dax: Okay, gentlemen, which one of you wants to start your physical examination?

Bashir: I believe that would be me, Doctor.

Dax: Okay then, but I should warn you, the exam will actually be given by a seven-foot-tall Nausicaan.

Garak: ...I did not!

Ziyal: Yes you did. I'll have to reprogram the food replicators not to serve...what did the humans call it...three-bean salad?

Kira: No wait, I get it. They traced the call, and it's coming from INSIDE the house?

 

[Armored Saint]

BASHIR: And this blue drink will eliminate our gay sexual tensions for the next hours...
GARAK: So we'll need to buy another bottle each time we're together? Why don't we just sleep together once and stay good friend after?

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRA: We're going to need codenames for this mission. Let's see...You're Moe, he's Curly and you're Larry.

 

[Leviathan]

Kira to Rusot: GOT IT - you're also Neroon from Babylon 5.

 

[Armored Saint]

KIRA: Wait, I'm wearing a Starfleet uniform, I'm not dressed as a poor oppressed Bajoran, you'll not have fun....
GARAK: She's right...we will make her wear typical Bajoran clothes and then....

 

[FlyingSaucrDude]

Garak: Brrraaaaaiiiinnnnsss...

 

[FlyingSaucrDude]

Damar and Rusot were not terribly amused by Garak's attempt at ventriloquism using a Kira-puppet.

 

[FlyingSaucrDude]

Garak (after Dax inadvertently stumbles in on him in the holosuite): I assure you, Commander, this is not what it looks like.
Dax: It looks like you alone with a tied up hologram of Julian missing his pants.
Garak: In that case I suppose it is what it looks like.

 

[FlyingSaucrDude]

Kira: It's a FAAAAAAAAAKE!

 

[Nerys Myk]

GARAK: It got weird, didn't it?

ZIYAL: Yes.

GARAK: Yeah. Right. I knew it.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the wins!

Garak: It really doesn't matter Doctor, with those ears, Quark will hear our conversation even if we have it in the Gamma Quadrant.

Garak: I find this hand to hand combat really quite distasteful!

Dukat: Yeah, me too. Little help?

Bashir: Bashir, Julian Bashir.

Computer: Cheat code accepted. All objects and characters in this program will now bend to your will.

Bashir: Garak, get lost.

Garak: Where are we going?

Ziyal: Well, based on this storyline, Law & Order SVU.

Rusot, Damar and Garak: (singing) How can there be any sin in sincere? Where is the good in goodbye?

Kira: Right here. Good bye. One to beam up.

(Kira beams out)

 

[Mistral]

Kira: "Hey, wait! You guys are those 'Cardassians' I keep hearing about, aren't you?"

 

[phenyx2]

 

[Armored Saint]

 

[milquetoast]

Garak: Oh! Choose me Julian, Choose me!

Kira: I'm going to take this finger and stick it right up your scaled Cardassian ass and your going to enjoy it!

 

[Schistocerca]

Despite having the best song they failed to win the Barber Shop Quartet competition because there were only three of them!

Dukat: You know, if you used a good conditioner it would be much easier to comb these tangles out!

Bashir: But she told me she was a doctor and this was the best way to treat my ingrowing toenail

Garak: Julian, you do know that you can just buy a lab coat don't you?

Garak: So lets try this again. When it rains?

Ziyal: You stay in and I go out.

Garak: When it is sunny?

Ziyal: I stay in and you go out.

Kira: Go on...pull my finger