Dad Jokes

[Sophie74656]

Does anyone else love "dad jokes" and puns? I kind of love them but my boyfriend just rolls his eyes. So when it's slow at work I text him with dad jokes.

I need more! Share your best dad jokes

 

[Mr Soak]

What’s yellow and dangerous?

Shark-infested custard.

 

[Marynator]

"Make me a sandwich."
"Poof! You're a sandwich!"

 

[Mr Soak]

Call me a taxi

You're a taxi.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"Make me a sandwich."
"Poof! You're a sandwich!"

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "Make me one with everything."

 

[UncleRogi]

"How many dad's does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

"Just hand me the bulb, you moron kid... "

 

[Butters]

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

 

[Marynator]

"How many dad's does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

"Just hand me the bulb, you moron kid... "

Oh no silly, we all know to actually get done mom's going to have to do it?

 

[UncleRogi]

Call me a taxi

Ok, you're a cab...

 

[Non Sync]

Did you hear the one about the bed?

It hasn't been made up yet.​

Did you hear the joke about the roof?

Probably not. It's over your head.​

Did you hear the joke about the floor?

It's beneath you.​

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

A man answers his doorbell and finds a snail sitting on the porch. The man picks up the snail and throws it as far into the yard as he can.

Five years later, the man answers the door again, and it's the same snail.

"What the hell was that all about?" the snail says.

 

[Butters]

I want a crocodile sandwich, and make it snappy.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Two flies are sitting on a piece of dung. One of the flies farts.

The other one says "Hey! I'm eatin' here!"

 

[Doom Shepherd]

*Walks into the room*
What’s the difference between a dad joke and a rhetorical question?
*Immediately walks out*

 

[Mr Soak]

Is your fridge running?

Better go and catch it.

 

[SPCTRE]

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

Spoiler

in his sleevies

 

[UncleRogi]

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

Spoiler

in his sleevies

That one actually took me a second.....
(Need more Coffee.....)

 

[Sgt_G]

Why did Skywalker find it so hard to eat soup?

Spoiler

Because he thought Ben said, "Use the fork, Luke. Use the fork!"

 

[Marynator]

Child: I've heard of dad jokes, but what's a mom joke look like?
Mom: Go look in the mirror.

 

[Butters]

What do call a donkey with three legs?

A wonky!