Bewitched Was A Classic TV Master Class in Abusive Relationships

[Shaka Zulu]

Somebody with nothing to do for a long time wrote this bullcaca article about Bewitched, part of which I'll summarize here:

Though television entertainment has evolved a lot, just like the world has since the 1950's and '60's, there's a lot about Bewitched that's timeless…however, the main points hit different to modern viewers in 2021. Namely the less than "bewitching" relationships in the show that are downright problematic. As a disclaimer, the relationships do get better as the show progresses through its 8 seasons, however, the first season is the one that cemented its popularity straight away, and it's the one that aged the worst of all the seasons.

Here's where the article really starts to lay on the bullcaca:

First off, Samantha (Elizabeth Montgomery) and Darrin (Dick York, Dick Sargent): the entire premise of the show is that she gives up being a witch and her family, who are also witches, to be with the man she loves. If he truly loved her, he wouldn't take her away from her family and force her to give up all she's known and who she is. This is actually a hallmark of abuse – () that's right, Darrin the human is exploiting Samantha's love for him by controlling her to an obsessive level.

The fact that Darrin and Samantha want to be a normal couple, and that Samantha wanted to be normal was apparently lost on this writer, who came up with this nonsense just to justify her worldview (how is Darrin being 'abusive' by not wanting Samantha to use her powers, nor wanting Samantha's mother or sister to be barging in on them all of the time and causing problems for Darrin?)

This kind of article is as foolish as the one I posted a while back about Star Trek: Discovery that everybody countered; if anybody finds this article to be be just as dumb, speak up.

Bewitched Was A Classic TV Master Class in Abusive Relationships

 

[Brobdingnag]

Actually, Darrin is the one being abused by Samantha's relatives who are a bunch of assholes turning him into one thing or another or putting him in terrible situations sometimes for no reason at all, and most of the time just for not being completely submissive to their whims. The first time they meet Samantha's father keeps punishing Darrin for no other reason than he's not a witch. Samantha often has to work hard to get her husband out of these situations where we are to understand that if not for her intervention he would remain in indefinitely.

 

[J.T.B.]

The fact that Darrin and Samantha want to be a normal couple, and that Samantha wanted to be normal was apparently lost on this writer, who came up with this nonsense just to justify her worldview (how is Darrin being 'abusive' by not wanting Samantha to use her powers, nor wanting Samantha's mother or sister to be barging in on them all of the time and causing problems for Darrin?)

I rewatched season one recently; I am not that familiar with the first two seasons because the black and white episodes were not in the syndication packages I grew up with. Darrin did strike me as pretty unsympathetic. He was very untrusting of Samantha, and again and again, without justification, jumped to conclusions and assumed the worst about her motives. He came across like a really suspicious and controlling person, and I can understand how someone might see his behavior as abusive. He wasn't like that in later seasons; while they might have disagreements and misunderstandings, Darrin always knew that Sam's heart was in the right place and vice-versa. My feeling is that if the Darrin character had continued as he was presented in the first season the show wouldn't have lasted as long as it did.

Samantha had a sister? There was Cousin Serena of course.

 

[Brobdingnag]

...
Samantha had a sister? There was Cousin Serena of course.

I assumed they meant his cousin. This shows that they didn't watch it that closely. This reminds me of people who make comments about a book that they don't know much about, likely because all they read is the sum-up at the back of the book.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

He came across like a really suspicious and controlling person

Suspicious, maybe. But controlling? Not sure how he could have pulled that off.

I mean, how controlling could Darrin possibly be? After all, Samantha's the witch...if anything, shouldn't she be controlling him? I mean, Darrin does something she doesn't like, all she'd need to do is cast a spell on him.

Actually, you know what's even weirder: Why Endora didn't simply wipe Darrin from existence and be done with it. I mean, clearly she hated him, and had no problems with using her powers whenever and wherever she felt like it. So if Darrin angered her that much, why didn't she simply eliminate him? Maybe that's what Darrin was really afraid of.

As for Samantha: Assuming her love for Darrin was genuine, and that she didn't simply cast a spell on him to make him love her, there's still the matter of Darrin's own career. Samantha wasn't exactly shy about using her own powers either, was she? So perhaps Darrin might have been a touch skittish that she might have been using her powers to help his career along (hell, she might not have even realized she was doing it) and thus causing him to doubt his own abilities.

 

[J.T.B.]

Suspicious, maybe. But controlling? Not sure how he could have pulled that off.

I mean, how controlling could Darrin possibly be? After all, Samantha's the witch...if anything, shouldn't she be controlling him? I mean, Darrin does something she doesn't like, all she'd need to do is cast a spell on him.

Come on. Emotionally controlling. Sam had regular emotions and Darrin was really rough on her in some early episodes.

As for Samantha: Assuming her love for Darrin was genuine, and that she didn't simply cast a spell on him to make him love her, there's still the matter of Darrin's own career.

Assuming? It's a fundamental element of the show, there's no question about it.

Samantha wasn't exactly shy about using her own powers either, was she? So perhaps Darrin might have been a touch skittish that she might have been using her powers to help his career along (hell, she might not have even realized she was doing it) and thus causing him to doubt his own abilities.

They dealt with that specifically in the S1 episode "Help, Help, Don't Save Me." Darrin was having difficulty with an ad campaign and Sam tried to help him out. She had some great ideas and Darrin assumed it was all due to witchcraft, which it was not. It was as if he could not conceive of her as a person who had a creative mind of her own. He refused to believe in her, called her a liar and she walked out on him. One of the most unflattering episodes of all for Darrin, IMO.

 

[Admiral2]

Come on. Emotionally controlling. Sam had regular emotions and Darrin was really rough on her in some early episodes.

You come on! Regular emotions, yes, but Sam had a strength of character and resolve capable of withstanding any level of browbeating, from her family, and certainly from Durwood, and Elizabeth Montgomery played her with that resolve throughout the series. Darrin couldn't have been forceful enough to do heavy emotional damage to Sam. Frankly, he just didn't have it in him.

And as stated above, unless his abusive hold on her was of Rasputin-like proportions, Samantha could dust him off and bail whenever she had a notion to. She didn't, not because Darrin somehow forced her to give up her powers. She had already been living as a mortal before she met Darrin (much to Endora's consternation) and simply continued to do so after they were married. Darrin may have agreed with the decision, but it was always Her decision. (And in a later episode she edumacates Darrin about the wisdom of that decision in a dream. I'll let you look it up.)

Assuming? It's a fundamental element of the show, there's no question about it.

So why do you assume the love doesn't go both ways, or that Darrin's love is somehow twisted?

They dealt with that specifically in the S1 episode "Help, Help, Don't Save Me." Darrin was having difficulty with an ad campaign and Sam tried to help him out. She had some great ideas and Darrin assumed it was all due to witchcraft, which it was not. It was as if he could not conceive of her as a person who had a creative mind of her own. He refused to believe in her, called her a liar and she walked out on him. One of the most unflattering episodes of all for Darrin, IMO.

And after that, Samantha helped with his job so often, both with and without witchcraft, that it became a series trope, often saving said job for him in the process, and over the series run, as each job situation became more dire (as they also became more ridiculous) Darrin learned to appreciate her helping magical hand.

And you managed to pick the one episode where he hadn't figured that out yet. Lawsy Me! Somebody get Samantha to a shelter!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

She had already been living as a mortal before she met Darrin

Really? I didn't know that.

 

[Admiral2]

Really? I didn't know that.

It's in the pilot. It's one of Endora's complaints in the episode. It's also the ep where Samantha tells Darrin she's a witch. I love his response. "I'm from Missouri. Show Me."

And she does.

 

[J.T.B.]

You come on! Regular emotions, yes, but Sam had a strength of character and resolve capable of withstanding any level of browbeating, from her family, and certainly from Durwood, and Elizabeth Montgomery played her with that resolve throughout the series. Darrin couldn't have been forceful enough to do heavy emotional damage to Sam. Frankly, he just didn't have it in him.

I was referring specifically to the season one characterization since that was brought up in the OP. I acknowledged that the characterization changed.

And as stated above, unless his abusive hold on her was of Rasputin-like proportions, Samantha could dust him off and bail whenever she had a notion to.

Emotional abuse is a bit more complicated than that. Again I'm not saying that's what was going on in the show, just that I could see that someone could get that impression from the first season in isolation.

So why do you assume the love doesn't go both ways, or that Darrin's love is somehow twisted?

I said nothing like that.

And you managed to pick the one episode where he hadn't figured that out yet.

Because that episode dealt with the exact situation raised in the post to which I replied, and was in season one, as raised in the OP.

 

[Admiral2]

I was referring specifically to the season one characterization since that was brought up in the OP. I acknowledged that the characterization changed.

And I submit that that season one characterization is wrong. In that season the creators played the relationship like a mixed marriage. They were lovey dovey sometimes, fell out sometimes, and there were complicated relationships with the in-laws sometimes. At no time however was there any hint of Samantha being a victim and Darrin being abusive.

Emotional abuse is a bit more complicated than that.

Spare me any case studies. I'm a first hand eyewitness to emotional abuse. My mother was a victim, and her abusers were her mother and both her husbands, and in spite of the abuse she received she did her best to shield her children from it when her abusers turned to abusing them. I know what emotional abuse is in real life, okay? Darrin and Samantha did not have that dynamic.

Again I'm not saying that's what was going on in the show, just that I could see that someone could get that impression from the first season in isolation.

I can only see that if the viewer is looking for a way to cast Darrin as an abuser. He's accused of being abusive because of his actions in a few episodes of an eight-year run. In the cited example he made a mistake concerning her motivations and as a result she did exactly what's been said she could do. She left.

Because that episode dealt with the exact situation raised in the post to which I replied, and was in season one, as raised in the OP.

And in that one episode Darrin is no more an abuser than any other time in the series, which means not at all.

 

[the G-man]

Somebody with nothing to do for a long time wrote this bullcaca article about Bewitched, part of which I'll summarize here:



Here's where the article really starts to lay on the bullcaca:



The fact that Darrin and Samantha want to be a normal couple, and that Samantha wanted to be normal was apparently lost on this writer, who came up with this nonsense just to justify her worldview (how is Darrin being 'abusive' by not wanting Samantha to use her powers, nor wanting Samantha's mother or sister to be barging in on them all of the time and causing problems for Darrin?)

This kind of article is as foolish as the one I posted a while back about Star Trek: Discovery that everybody countered; if anybody finds this article to be be just as dumb, speak up.

Bewitched Was A Classic TV Master Class in Abusive Relationships

Telling Samantha not to use perfectly natural (for her) abilities that she grew up and depended on for her entire life up to that point is not terribly different from telling a sighted person to wear a blindfold all day to go about her daily tasks. Add in Darrin's constant belittling of her family (not just Endora but even the pleasant ones like Aunt Clara) and overt alcoholism (he was often shown getting drunk at work and would come home and begin drinking double martinis pretty much every day) and it really does look like an abusive relationship.

 

[Guy Gardener]

If Samantha is outed as a witch, she will be burnt at the stake by witch finders.

And Darrin as her familiar would be drawn and quartered.

If there was danger in coming out, then the Witches would police themselves, and Darrin isn't saying anything any other witch isn't saying trying to pass as mortal.

600 years old?

Shouldn't Sam have a lot of actual money, millions if not billions that Darrin is sandboxing.

It's all a metaphor for being Black, anyway.

 

[Brobdingnag]

When you stop to think about it, given how much power the witches have, it's a wonder that they're not ruling the world. In fact, they would be ruling the world but since this is a comedy, they don't.

 

[Guy Gardener]

When you stop to think about it, given how much power the witches have, it's a wonder that they're not ruling the world. In fact, they would be ruling the world but since this is a comedy, they don't.

What benefit or reward could they possibly obtain from running or ruling the mortal world in the 17th century?

Ruling the world would be a painful altruistic sacrifice.

 

[ED-209]

Darren/Darrin is a dick (no pun intended) the wife and I are rewatching them and he's an outright turd to Sam and her family frequently.

What REALLY stands out is that there are several episodes where it is shown to be harmful to her not to be using Witchcraft but he still forbids it anyway - that and he stops Endora showing Tabitha any of the Witching world - also stopping her from using her own powers/learning how to use them? What if when she grows up she wants to be a Witch? He's really stumped her early development if she does - will he disown her if she does? Probably not but I doubt it'll be a conversation she'll be confident having with him

 

[valkyrie013]

Having not watched the series for like 20 years, so I'm out of date so my opinion is a bit meh on it.

Is the series perfect? No. Please don't look at it with today's glasses, it was 50 years ago! It was a different life, different morals, etc. And definitely not threw the lenses of a bullcaca author of the article.

If you look at he series, can you find abuse? Yes, "Technically" but its like the marine corps version of Alcoholism, you have 1 drink a year for Any reason, your a alcoholic. Is there emotional abuse by Darren? technically yes. Is there emotional abuse by Endora? Defiantly yes. but if you look at something long enough, yes you might find it, but it might be 1% of the time, and 99% of the time there fine, but if you pigeon hole that 1 time in 100.. then yes.

Marriages have there ups and downs, you love your partner, but that love isn't at 100% all day every day, some days you don't like your partner. For Darren and Elizabeth, her families interventions cause so much strife (by design) that the marriage is in duress. and as said, one or the other leaves, but they love each other, so they come back and try again.

I come from an emotional and mental abusive relationship, it sucks, but it was Lightyears worse that what was on bewitched, I mean can it be better on the show? Yes, theres always room for improvement, but it is a show, and a comedy.

 

[Guy Gardener]

Darren/Darrin is a dick (no pun intended) the wife and I are rewatching them and he's an outright turd to Sam and her family frequently.

What REALLY stands out is that there are several episodes where it is shown to be harmful to her not to be using Witchcraft but he still forbids it anyway - that and he stops Endora showing Tabitha any of the Witching world - also stopping her from using her own powers/learning how to use them? What if when she grows up she wants to be a Witch? He's really stumped her early development if she does - will he disown her if she does? Probably not but I doubt it'll be a conversation she'll be confident having with him

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[IMC Headquarters]

Abner Kravitz was horrible to Gladys. Dismissive. Patronizing. She was inches from a breakdown brought on by the Stephens' reality bending, and he couldn't have cared less. Poor Gladys. Take your medicine.

 

[Brobdingnag]

Abner Kravitz was horrible to Gladys. Dismissive. Patronizing. She was inches from a breakdown brought on by the Stephens' reality bending, and he couldn't have cared less. Poor Gladys. Take your medicine.

Well, on the other hand, Gladys was inquisitive, mean, and quite a troublemaker. Abner kept giving her the benefit of the doubt but by the time he went to verify her claim, everything was back to normal. So you can't really blame him for thinking that she'd lost her mind.