Best Garak Lines

[RCAM]

Sorry if this is a retread (my eyes may be failing me, but I couldn't spot a comparable thread), but I was interested in hearing anyone's favorite Garak lines.

The three that come to mind for me...

1) "The truth is just an excuse for lack of imagination."

2) On the moral of the 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' parable:
"Never tell the same lie twice."

3) Odo: "You would shoot a man in the back?"
Garak: "It's the safest way, isn't it?"

 

[Tosk]

I'm gonna be the ass who says, all of them.

 

[Captain Kathryn]

The classic one of course.

BASHIR: Out of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?
GARAK: My dear Doctor, they're all true.
BASHIR: Even the lies?
GARAK: Especially the lies.

This one too:
GARAK: Truth, Doctor, is in the eye of the beholder. I never tell the truth because I don't believe there is such a thing. That's why I prefer the straight-line simplicity of cutting cloth.

 

[Captain Kathryn]

I'm gonna be the ass who says, all of them.

You are correct though. Garak's lines were the best.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I know Andrew didn't particularly care for playing the mirror Garak but I love this one line he had in "Crossover". It's just the pleading tone of it:

"At LEAST allow me to INTERROGATE him!"

 

[Bad Thoughts]

His most poignant line: Do you know what the sad part is, Odo? I'm a very good tailor."

Also:
The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination.

I am almost completely healed. But the damage I did to them will last a lifetime.

 

[Lucky]

More of a speech really, but I love this:

"That's why you came to me, isn't it, Captain? Because you knew I could do those things that you weren't capable of doing? Well, it worked. And you'll get what you want: a war between the Romulans and the Dominion. And if your conscience is bothering you, you should soothe it with the knowledge that you may have just saved the entire Alpha Quadrant. And all it cost was the life of one Romulan senator, one criminal, and the self-respect of one Starfleet officer. I don't know about you, but I'd call that a bargain.:

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I can't remember the exact text, but when they're all undercover on the Defiant and the holo-filter malfunctions, so that the Cardassian Gul they're talking to actually recognizes them, and Garak puts the guy in his place real quick by giving an Obsidian Order authorization code...that gave me chills.

 

[CrazyMatt]

From "Broken Link"

GARAK: Come now, Mister Worf, you're a Klingon. Don't tell me you'd object to a little genocide in the name of self-defense?
WORF: I am a warrior, not a murderer.
GARAK: What you are is a great disappointment.

 

[Marc Voorhees]

Elim Garak: I just don't see why these runabout replicators can't provide a more varied menu. I'd like to get my hands on that fellow Earl Grey and tell him a thing or two about... tea leaves.

Garak: I've locked him in his quarters. I've also left him with the distinct impression that if he attempts to force the door open, it may explode.
Captain Sisko: I hope that's just an impression.
Garak: It's best not to dwell on such minutiae.

 

[Roddenberry]

Garak: I believe in coincidences. Coincidences happen every day. But I don't trust coincidences.

Ziyal: You're intelligent and cultured...and kind.
Garak: My dear, you're young, so I realize that you're a poor judge of character.

Garak: To think, after all this time, all our lunches together you still don't trust me. There's hope for you yet, doctor.

 

[PaleMoonlight]

Nog: How'd you get in here? Both doors are secure.
Garak: "Secure" is such a relative term, wouldn't you agree?

 

[FreedPhotons]

Bashir: Business keeping you busy?
Garak: The tailoring business...*looks around theatrically and stage whispers* or the spy business?

 

[commanderkai]

Every line uttered by Garak is unmitigated awesome.

 

[Shik]

From "Way Of The Warrior": "You're either lost, or DESperately in need of a good tailor..!"

From "Empok Nor":
O'Brien: " What's the matter?"
Garak: "Well, it's just that... Lately I've noticed everyone seems to trust me. It's quite unnerving, I'm still trying to get used to it. Next thing I know, people are going to be inviting me to their homes for dinner."

From "Improbable Cause": (to Bashir) "If you go into my quarters and examine the bulkhead next to the replicator, you'll notice there's a false panel. Behind that panel is a compartment containing an isolinear rod. If I'm not back within 78 hours, I want you to take that rod... and eat it"

From "Things Past": "You'd think they'd put us in our own cell block instead of with the common criminals. After all, we are accused of attempting to assassinate the station commander. That deserves some respect!"

But really, the best come from "Our Man Bashir":

"Oh no! I do apologize. You must be incensed. In fact, if I were in your shoes, I'd grab a bottle of champagne and shoot me."

"I don't know if I've made this explicit to you or not, Doctor, but I really don't want to die chained to a 20th-century laser!"

"Kiss the girl, get the key - they never taught me that in the Obsidian Order"

"I must say, Doctor, this is more than I ever wanted to know about your fantasy life."

Also: http://www.macs.hw.ac.uk/~hwloidl/quotes/quotes-Garak.txt

 

[Drusilla]

Garak, in Dr. Noah's mansion: "Another decorator's nightmare. This era had a distinct lack of taste."

 

[Gary Mitchell]

I just heard a great one yesterday that I had forgotten in "Through the Looking Glass". Mirror Garak: Pursooooooooo! http://garakpursue.ytmnd.com/

 

[Worf'sParmach]

Can't believe this one hasn't popped up yet:

GARAK
Are you sure that's the point, Doctor?

BASHIR
Of course, what else would it be?

GARAK
(matter-of-fact)
That you should never tell the same
lie twice...

Or my favorite:

GARAK
And you, my dear, aren't up to this task. I mean, look at you. You're pathetic. A confused child trying to live up to a legacy left by her predecessors. You're not worthy of the name Dax. I knew Jadzia. She was vital, alive. She owned herself. And you? You don't even know who you are. How dare you presume to help me? You can't even help yourself. Now get out of here before I say something unkind.

 

[varek]

I loved Garak's exchange with Quark after the war was over. To me, it is priceless.