Twisted Endings to OS Episodes (be creative)

"We're a most promising species, as predators go, did you know that, Mr. Spock?."
"I've frequently had my doubts."
"You know what? F**k you, I was trying to wax all poetical here, and you had to work in another racist anti-Terran jab!"
"Captain, I merely-"
"No! Get off my bridge, mister."

 

The Klingons beaming the tribbles out into space.

Eminiar and Vendekar going at it “for real,” causing things like nuclear winter and other environmental catastrophes, making life horrible beyond comprehension for anybody who lives on either planet.

Kirk actually appearing to give a shit that Latimer and Gaetano didn’t make it.

Chekov keeping a couple of Alice’s as, uh... souvenirs.

Stonn and T’Pau getting it on.

 

Balok: "This is tranya. I hope you relish it as much as I."

Kirk takes one sip and spits it out: "Jeesus! What is this shit? Klingon cow piss? Fuck, I think my tongue is dissolving!"

 

"I do not fully understand, one named Kirk, but the Holy Words will be obeyed, I swear it!"
"How!? I've just.. EXPLAINED it to you.. and you.. STILL do not understand! Am I speaking English here? Am I talking to myself??"
"One named-"
"STOP.. calling me that! KIRK! KIRK!!!"
"Jim. Time to go now."
"Oh. Oh yes. Well. I'm sure you'll do your, uh, best, Cloud William."
"Please go, one named-"
"KIRK!!! Just KIR-"
"Energize with expedience, Mr. Scott."

 

Thasians appear to reclaim Charlie Evans. Kirk stands to speak: "It's about time. What took you so fucking long? Do you know what a pain this little asswipe has been?"

 

Kirk: (sobbing) Miramanee... My child...

Miramanee: Don’t fret, Kirok. It isn’t yours.

 

That's SO evil!!! Heh heh

 

"The Enemy Within"

Spock: "The imposter had some rather interesting qualities. Wouldn't you say, Yeoman?"

Rand: "Are some kind of sick pervert or something? What is wrong with you? Captain, did you here what this sicko just said to me?"

 

Oh, no. No, no. We haven't met before, exactly. She just seemed a nice, likable girl. I think we could become fuck buddies. It's possible.

 

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Stonn and T'PAU?!

 

That's waaay beyond cougar territory.

 

Hot, dry Vulcan Sex... Ewwww!

 

KIRK: This hearing is closed.
(Khan and McGivers are escorted out.)
SCOTT: It's a shame for a good Scotsman to admit it, but I'm not up on Milton.
KIRK: The statement Lucifer made when he fell into the pit. 'It is better to rule in hell than serve in heaven.'
SPOCK: It would be interesting, Captain, to return to that world in a hundred years and to learn what crop has sprung from the seed you planted today.
KIRK: Let's come back in about fifteen, Spock. Something tells me you'll be "dying" to discover how it came out. (Laughs.)

 

KIRK: Her life could have been as rich as any woman's, if only. If only.

Next scene Kirk in his quarter's smiling quietly while filing his nails.

 

McCOY: The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe. We'll get a freighter.
SULU: With all respect, Doctor, I'm counting on Excelsior.
SCOTT: Excelsior? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts?
KIRK: A ship is a ship.
SCOTT: Whatever you say, sir. Thy will be done.

(Big reveal... A garbage scow with a plaque that says “Contributed by Korax.”)

 

KIRK and McCOY: ♫ Row, row, row your boat... ♪

SPOCK: (vaporizes them both with a phaser) I am so fucking sick of that stupid song.