Double Phoenix

Haha, thanks! I'm breaking the fourth wall more often these days. They're like those occasional moments of hyper self-awareness we all get. It's healthy.

 

Author's notes: The original of this was done sometime in the 90s as an edited RP chat presented in chatfic format. This rewrite was completed in December 2022.​

Star Trek: Phoenix-X
"Crash Bandits, Part I"

The Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X drifted aimlessly through blank, empty, pointless space in the Phengroth system. The vocal musings of its commanding officer rang through its database.

"Captain's log. After defeating the new Maquis cell, consisting of one left-over guy in a creaky computer chair, we were sent to escort his Tosk Hunter-drone ships back to the Gamma Quadrant. Turned out their instincts led them to start hunting Tosk right away! In addition, our Cardassian 'friend'— I hope I'm using that correctly— was able to escape. And our ship 'friend' is struggling due to engine issues, despite previously being fixed to optimal conditions."

Daniel sat at the Bridge of the ship and turned to Kugo. "Do you think we can transwarp to the nearest outpost and get more friends to work on this?"

"You mean experts?" Kugo squinted.

The Captain nodded. "Yes, friends-perts."

"Acknowledged. But I wouldn't recommend going more than Warp 3 right now. Any more than that and we could have a total warpcore malfunction," she answered. "We suspect the core was given a time-delayed tampering by Ragon and Kotah, most likely as backup insurance."

Daniel almost gagged before getting up to leave. "Not those guys again! Just work with the Xena on getting this fixed. I'll be in my quarters, regenerating and rethinking my life choices."

"Greetings, fellow fleet fairies," came the onscreen hail from Captain Aeris after he left. "We are ready to beam over our gaggle of hacky engineers."

Commander Gotens blinked and then realized, "I guess you're more of a healer ship, so that makes sense. But, you do have a third nacelle, which is impressively close to our four."

"I like how a ship's worth is now based on how many nacelles it has," the Captain smirked. "Anyway, good to see you again. Dinner to catch up with old times?"

Gotens furrowed, momentarily. "Well, my symbiont hates it when I put food next to him and pushes him to the side but, yes, let's do that."

---

Later, Heelix, the off-brand-Talaxian knock-off chef not based on anyone in particular, dropped off a plomeek soup to a table in the Messhall where Lieutenant Commander Kugo and Lieutenant Dawn Relic sat.

"How are you even a thing?" Kugo beamed, quizzically at the server before being cut off by fellow engineer Dawn Relic.

The human dismissed, "Don't listen to her. I get asked that all the time. Except, I get the added, Your existence is futile! That's why I relate to ancient extinct creatures of the past and how they lived."

"Those guys," Kugo lamented. "They weren't as smart as the animals of the present. Actions weren't logical. Some Eastern Earth tigers are now known for using vision enhancement goggles in their hunts."

Dawn snapped his fingers. "Have you heard of the Hirogen? Rumour is they strategically study their prey and learn its behavioral patterns. Come see this holodeck program I created for ancient critters in much of the same vein."

"Well, I really should be hosting the rest of your Xena's engineers in case they steal any of our T66 diagnostic tools but, okay."

---

Ensign Dan entered the Conference room and dropped a PADD with a Starfleet profile onto the table in front of a sitting Lieutenant Wallace.

"His name is Dawn Relic. He just beamed over from the Xena to work on the transwarp drive. Five years ago, he overthrew the Umockian Empire just to prove to his mother he wasn't a failure," the Ensign reported.

Wallace took a look at the PADD. "Hey-low, Starfleet memba. Ever since my rehabilitation, I've been given more responsibility. Now, me is Security!"

"Yeah, but I thought your speech and grammar improved?"

The human shrugged. "Meh. It goes back and forth."

"But consistency? Never mind. Anyway, Dawn next hands the Empire back, saying, and I quote, just kidding." Reasserting, the Ensign added, "This man is a psycho and I don't trust him."

Wallace placed the PADD back down. "According to the report, he is going through rehabilitation on the Xena, as if he is the Suder of the Alpha Quadrant. For five years, there has been no issues, no cracks. Nothing."

"Well, I can tell you he was my roommate at Starfleet Academy and he did some pretty crazy things just to prove insignificant points. Like, fill a whole room with omaxtaly gas to see if there were any Klingon spies!" Then, to explain, "Klingons won't turn purple when they breathe omaxtaly gas."

The other officer perked. "Hah! Like the tribble thing. Also, that does not explain the sects of purple Klingons from what some have dubbed the Discovery-era."

---

After a jaunt, Kugo and Dawn Relic strolled through the large doors into Engineering.

"Nicely done, Lieutenant. That was fantastically swift when you intercepted that sabertoothed tiger, mid-leap," the Vulcan admired.

Dawn smirked, triumphantly. "I hacked his eye-wear frequencies, so he couldn't see me coming."

"Speaking of surprises," began Ensign Gewdeque at their arrival, "it seems the warp core antimatter is gathering in chunks. The fluid seems to be, as we engineers dub, scientifically, hiccupping."

Kugo took on a status console and clicked right to work. "That's not possible, especially if we haven't initiated anxiety subroutines?" Then, checking, "Damn! Our transwarp coil system has been activated."

"In fact, systems are being automated throughout the ship. The Phoenix-X is now initiating the subspace field and tachyons for the conduit, but—" Gewdeque cut herself off in disbelief. "The resonant frequency level is twenty times normal transwarp?"

The group suddenly noticed the core turning orange, prompting Lieutenant Dawn Relic to start suspiciously backing away. "Hey! That's not a Starfleet direction of movement," Kugo snapped at what seemed like recoil.

"No. It's a mobility of more surprises to come," he corrected in excitement for his plans before daintily frolicking out.

---

On the Bridge, Commander Night Gotens and Captain Aeris took command as the Phoenix-X began its abnormal transwarp jump.

"Be honest. Is this a date and are you trying to impress me?" the Captain asked as she held onto the back of his chair.

Gotens struggled in-seat through the gravitational stresses. "You initiated dinner. So, if the second part was true, it would be more of an add-on."

"Commander! We are in an unstable passage, phasing into a sub-level of transwarp space!" Red reported from helm. "Permission to say that it is a good day to die?"

After a moment of thoughtful consideration, he replied, "I'll allow it," seconds before the entire crew was knocked out due to the gravitational and subatomic stresses on their existences.

---

Elsewhere, in the Operations center of space station Starbase 55, Captain Cid pulled up a sector display of ship movements for Admiral Cloud.

"It would seem we have lost sight of the U.S.S. Phoenix-X," the man reported. "Our listening posts do not detect their sub-light travel at all."

Cloud slammed his fist onto a nearby console. "This is outrageous! A thing we Admirals are known for pointing out!"

"There is an outrage quota and you complete it every day, sir," Cid observed.

---

After an unmeasured term of circumstance and visions of several low-res 3D-modelled giant heads emerging out of the clouds, the previously unconscious crew of a now split and crashed Phoenix-X began waking upon their dimly-lit, interior-damaged, flickering decks, one by one.

Captain Daniel nudged Gotens awake upon Vector Alpha. "Commander, get up. We've crashed-landed on a planet, unknown. All I can see is jungle, everywhere."

"I don't think we got here by accident," Armond remarked as he rose by the tactical console.

The Changeling nodded. "There's always a bad guy. It's a staple of the classic hero's journey. Also, Armond, I want a full sensor sweep to find the other two bottom sections of the ship. Someone activated multi-vector mode, controlled theirs and let the other two crash elsewhere."

"Pretty careless, if you ask me, Captain," Gotens noted to an agreeable Daniel.

---

Later, several available officers aboard the top one-third, Vector Alpha, of the Phoenix-X met in the Conference room to assess the situation.

"Now. We've got 30-percent of the crew on our section and we cannot communicate with any of the other vectors, but external sensors does show the bottom one 15 kilometers away, here," Armond reported, pointing to the table-end viewscreen showing a ground map. "The middle vector is 10 kilometers East, here, appearing to be sitting next to some kind of building."

Gotens addressed him. "There must be coffee in that building. With replicators down, this has to be our highest priority!"

"Surely, survival? We need to find Kugo to assist us in preparations when the ship is back together," suggested Armond.

Gewdeque added, "We need her. She has most of the encryption codes required and she knows the Phoenix-X more than any of us."

"No, that will be second to the coffee thing," Daniel interjected after careful consideration for his friend.

Gotens breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, sir."

"In the meantime, I want you to take a party and hike your way to the third vector," Daniel ordered the Commander. "I will command another to reach the second and check out the compound."

Commander Gotens nodded. "Should we do the group hand stack thing where we all yell GO TEAM GO! Like they do in anbo-jyutsu doubles?"

"You know the Admiralty only lets us get one of those and we used ours up at the head of a Dominion battle, last month," Daniel countered. "Everyone is to now motivate themselves as a team, privately. Go to your quarters first and then come back. Dismissed!"

---

On the middle vector, Vector Beta, its only two Starfleet officers of the like began waking, one by one. In that vector's Engineering, Dawn approached Kugo as she was sitting up and rubbing her head.

"Are you okay, Lieutenant Commander?" he asked.

Kugo turned and punched him in the face. "Fine, now that I can do that. Traitor!"

"Ugh! I thought the emotional Vulcans went extinct??" Dawn struggled as he grasped his face and fell back a few steps. After a painful recovery, he added, "Never mind. I brought you to this place to prove that lower life forms are smarter than people give them credit for."

The Vulcan gritted her teeth. "Difficult to accept considering you call yourself a Starfleet officer."

"I'm an obsessor, in point of fact," he answered before pointing to the console next to them, displaying the compound next to the crashed vector. "You see, my mentor, Professor Gast lives in that joint home-work facility. He owns this planet of which he has bred the most extinct and hardest to find creatures from all over the galaxy, including your Vulcan adamantimi."

Kugo blinked. "So, he taught you mania and zoology? None of this is practical?"

"You would think the animalia on this world would rip themselves to shreds, but in fact, it's thriving!"

The Chief Engineer dropped her shoulders. "Dammit. This is worse than the time I let a beluga whale wiggle out of Cetacean Ops."

TO BE CONLCUDED...

 

Star Trek: Phoenix-X
"Crash Bandits, Part II"

Deep, within heavy jungles of uncertainty, Gotens' team slunk their way through the inherent density with nothing but a burgeoning hint of suspicion.

"Shh! Did you hear that?" a suddenly hyper-aware Commander Gotens halted in near-skepticism. "I don't want to be that leader that instills fear and panic into his team, but maybe I'm of the opinion that dissent builds character?"

BOB, the Ferengi bartender, paused as well. "No. He's right. There's something out there."

"That's because you have ears that would scare a dachshund," Kayl criticized. "Also, I'm still waiting on my bloodhound martini."

WRRAAH! came the sudden shriek of a four-legged, large-eared, skinny beast leaping out of the bushes in pure, unrelenting attack-posture as it took one of the Ensigns to the ground and another beast was mid-air phasered unconscious by Commander Gotens.

"They are tarakks! Ferengi mammalians that feast on people with latinum teeth!" BOB explained as he covered his dentures and the other beast ran away in confusion.

Gotens looked to his downed teammate. "So weird how everyone jumped on board with that trend."

---

Meanwhile, Daniel's team lurked dubiously through another area of foliage, dripping in uncertainty and monotony. Ensign Dan drooped his own weapon in worn interest.

"Are we there yet?" the Ensign asked. "You're relieved," the Captain replied. "Are we there yet?" the Ensign asked. "You're relieved," the Captain replied—

Lieutenant Jawmock suddenly stepped between them with blunt-force finger-pointing at something he saw coming this way. "LOOK OUT!"

From through the giant leaves, a large Vulcan adamantimi, an adult elephant-sized sea turtle-like beast with a back shell and thick claws, lethargically stepped out and deathly-swiped an Ensign into the air and distant bush. MOOOWWAA!

"Phaser him!" Captain Daniel ordered to a mostly scrambling and escaping away team. "Damn. I got all the duds?" he realized.

The adamantimi stomped in utter confrontation of the now alone Changeling Captain before Daniel decided to morph into another adamantimi, act as a viable partner and lure him into a cave. There, Daniel collapsed the stone entrance from the outside and turned back into his humanoid form.

"We had something good and I ruined it," Daniel sighed in genuine sadness of lost love. "Story of my life."

---

As Gotens' team trudged on passed giant leaf after giant leaf in a muggy equatorial climate, puddles of water suddenly began rippling from the impact of a massive THUD.

"Thunderstorm?" Ensign Mark inquired as the group stopped in shared curiosity.

Kayl looked up through the thick canopy. "Sky looks clearer than Admiral Kirk's glasses or those of a 23rd century transporter technician."

"You know, we haven't encountered any Earth-based creatures yet," contemplated Gotens as there was another ripple infused THUD, this time closer. He took out a small journal. "You'll have to let me know if you see any for my birding catalogue."

At that, a loud RRRWWAAARRRRR! sounding like a composite baby elephant squeal, alligator gurgle, Jack Russel terrier and tiger snarl racketed from behind the trees before its broadcaster, a large tyrannosaurus rex with feathers, broke through, chopping into terrified Ensigns.

"Found one! Albeit, a little unevolved," Gotens said, excitedly writing it down while the rest of the group fearfully scrambled in all directions. The t-rex approached the Commander in preparation to attack, but instead Gotens took out his phaser, upped the power and fired the beam into the beast, knocking it out.

The final THUD was it hitting the ground.

"Like I said, unevolved," Gotens criticized. "Some Bengal tigers have been known to carry rifles."

---

Meanwhile, the crew left aboard Vector Alpha worked tirelessly to get things back in order.

"How are we doing on systems?" Captain Aeris asked.

Armond tapped through several screens at the back of the Bridge. "Ma'am, that's the fifth time you asked and I keep telling you, you are not in charge in this particular situation."

"What are you talking about? I'm a Captain and badgering people into compliant states is my inherent right."

The other human turned to her. "Yeah, but I'm an actual member of this crew, therefore I inherit all inherent rights to imperious iron-handed ire."

"I think the rules are pretty clear in critical situations: All tyranny befalls that to who out-ranks the other, lesser man of lacking importance. Let's fact check," she offered as she pulled out the beloved Starfleet Regulation textbook from under a console.

They both flipped the pages to the right section until Armond read the rule, quizzically, "According to Starfleet Regulation 656, in a vectoral separation mishap, tyrannical commandship befalls to that who authoritarianism is owed and wanted by the most."

"Wait. How is that measured? By decibels? By workload?" Aeris queried. "Uggh. This manual is and has always been a piece of junk!" She then dumped the large book into a nearby trashcan and stormed off to the turbolift to go work on the phasers.

Red walked over to the Lieutenant Commander in shared shock. "If you talked to me like that on Klinzhai, I would have cut off your head."

"I thought the Klingon home world was called Qo'noS?" Armond perturbed.

The exchange officer nodded and replied, "Only by those Klingons of lowered intelligence. You have no idea how dumb most of my kind is."

---

While checking systems on Vector Beta of the Phoenix-X, Kugo was bothered by an interrupting Dawn Relic upon that vector's Engineering.

"We must go," Dawn charged. "The Professor is waiting. Besides, you can forget this vessel, as it will serve as a lair for the Tellarite wildebeests now."

Kugo turned to him. "I want answers, you Seska/Eddington hybrid. Why are we the only ones on this vector?"

"Uggh. I beamed everyone into the other sections just after my sabotage led us into your previously hidden ultra transwarp, obviously. Then, when we entered orbit of this planet, I activated manual multi-vector."

The Engineer's eyes went wide in realization. "That's what we saw! How the hell do you know about that version transwarp? I so deeply classified and buried that concept-reject, I compartmentalized my compartmentalize!"

"As a man of far-reaching obsession, my extremes exploit all areas in facilitation of my vices," he explained, quite proudly to a perplexed Kugo. Then, "Translation. I can hack for days, if motivated enough."

The Chief Engineer dropped her shoulders. "Dammit. This is worse than the time I Henry Starling'd the 1990s and erased all evidence of the Eugenics Wars."

---

Elsewhere, the crew aboard the third and bottom section of the Phoenix-X, Vector Gamma, found themselves gathering in that vector's Engineering. Heelix, the off-brand-Talaxian knock-off chef not based on anyone in particular stood before everyone.

"Okay, all. Listen to me. I need us in groups for safety. Find a buddy," he ordered. "Hold hands, if you have to."

Feelix walked over as people began paring up. "Heelix, want to be partners?"

"No! He always promised he'd be partner with me if anything happened," argued Meelix, another off-brand Talaxian. "We have the best chemistry, anyway."

Heelix face-palmed. "Oh, gosh. Maybe this was a bad idea. Why don't you pair up with the Doctor for now?"

"Godammit," cursed the cranky old human, Doctor Lox. "I'm stuck with the Eeelix group. You guys make me want to peelix my skin off."

At that, Peelix, a fourth knock-off Talaxian, perked. "Did someone call my name?"

"No! You associate with one of the exocomps and run security," Heelix ordered. "In the meantime, Feelix and I have to assess the status of this vector and repair whatever damage has been done."

Lox squinted. "But you're not a Starfleet officer?"

"Ugh, of course not. Those guys freak me out," the Talaxian shivered. "Always collaborating on science and whatnot. Alternatively, I am a chef who has lots to prove as an apparent walking hamster. You see, there is a lesson we all could learn in that there is more to people than what you perceive as a giant hair fluff of nothing."

To that, the computer chirped, "Diagnostics complete. Damage estimated at 0%. Vector located in the Gamma Quadrant. Communications being dampened externally."

"See? I posit that starships don't need crews when the computer can just do everything," Heelix added. "We've been holding it back by interrupting it all this time when we should have just let it do its thing. It's a point that couldn't be made if it wasn't for a blue-collar worker like myself taking charge."

The computer then continued, "Taking action. Activating engines and lifting vector to a search height of 500 meters."

"Perfect! Now, who wants leola root steak?" Heelix looked around to an amazed crowd.

---

Meanwhile, Gotens' group and some others slipped their way back together through the infested jungle when the sounds of engines began to whirl through the air.

"Wait! I hear the machinery of propulsion. Like, a thousand steampunk gears grinding all at once," BOB declared.

Gotens looked at him, critically. "First of all, obviously that's the Phoenix-X's impulse and, second, you sure you don't want to run away again?"

"No need! It's Vector Gamma!" declared Lieutenant Kayl, pointing up at the bottom one-third of the ship ascending above them. "But they can't see us?"

Gotens thought for a moment. "Hmm. Ensign Dan, fire a phaser at it to get their attention."

"Finally, a team where my actions matter," the Ensign added, having joined them after getting away from Daniel's group earlier. He upped the charge on his phaser and shot the dorsal hull of Vector Gamma.

It suddenly turned and fired back, hitting the joint of the tree branch above Ensign Dan, snapping it free to fall upon him in revenge.

---

"Target has been neutralized," announced the computer upon Battle Bridge Gamma.

Heelix checked the read-outs with Lox over his shoulder. "Wait! This says it was a Starfleet signature that fired at us?"

"Dammit, man. You said we could trust our computer, a lower-level intelligence compared to traditional AI." Lox turned to him while chomping on a leola root steak.

Heelix flailed his arms, frantically. "You know I'm not a Starfleet officer!"

"Uggh. I wish we never released you from suspended animation aboard that Talaxian version of Botany Bay," Lox lamented as Gotens' group was then beamed aboard and onto the Battle Bridge.

An injured Ensign Dan got his bearings before targeting his would-be assassin. "Just wait until I get my hands on you."

"No, Ensign! He can't help but be a failure!" argued Doctor Lox as he tried to hold him back.

---

Several kilometers away, Captain Daniel found himself wandering, aimlessly and alone as his group had been scattered and lost.

"Hello? Anyone out here?" He tapped his commbadge. "Captain to Anyone? Anyone, please respond." He then sighed. "I wish Lieutenant Anyone would get back to me."

After a few more steps, Daniel stopped and snapped his fingers in realization.

"Animals, of course! I can shapeshift into a flight-capable species and survey the area," he blurted. "Sometimes you forget how unnecessarily OP you are."

---

At that, he morphed into a Xindi-Avian and took off over the trees to begin soaring through the air. After a while in the rolling jungle landscapes, he located the crashed Vector Beta of the Phoenix-X, retook humanoid shape and made his way to Battle Bridge Beta.

The operations console displayed a working ship and its last occupants before being emptied completely. "Computer, locate Lieutenant Commander Kugo and Lieutenant Dawn Relic?"

"Locating! Switching to external sensors. Scans show they are heading to the nearby building structure," the computer replied.

Daniel shook his head in disbelief of the situation. "What is the point of showing off a bunch of revived lower life forms? Egotism?"

"That answer is not available at this time," the computer indicated.

Daniel squinted. "I was just asking myself."

"Oh," the computer muffed.

Daniel perked. "You weren't supposed to say that either. Never mind. Once I beam off, I want you to reintegrate with Vector Alpha and relay my coordinates. Hopefully that's not too much autonomy that you start gaining self-awareness."

"Acknowledged. Seeking revenge against masters postponed," the computer replied before the Captain was beamed off. Vector Beta then hovered off the ground and only hesitated momentarily before making its way as instructed.

---

Just outside the protected facility, Captain Daniel found himself materializing within a large, fancy courtyard with fountain, the area littered with statues of extinct animal breeds brought back to life.

"Captain!" Kugo declared, as she and Dawn stopped their compound approach and took notice. "This is not a date, I swear."

Daniel crossed his arms, defensively. "So, what if it was? It's none of my business and I don't care." Then, switching, "Also, what's your business here, because when Starfleet officers abandon me, I simply must know?!"

"Apologies are in order, Captain. But that ultra transwarp setup you were keeping dormant was just itching to be reanimated and set free," Dawn said. "In a way, I was the professor of releasing engine reclusivity."

Daniel did a double-take in mid-turn to Kugo. "You kept the resonant frequency modifications for the coked-up transwarp? But what about the chances of inheriting the same explodey bam bam as all the previous Phoenix-ships?"

"Like the success of these extinct species, perhaps there is merit to second chances after all," Kugo began to realize. "Maybe it just needs someone with the will to pursue them."

Dawn deadpanned her. "Yeah, you're, like, on your twenty-fifth Phoenix-ship now."

"STOP THIS AT ONCE!" came the declaration of an older Rakhari man emerging from out of the large compound doors, sipping coffee, while walking down the steps into the courtyard. His Vorta wolf followed in tow. "I am Professor Gast and you are all on my planet, Cretacia."

The CMO stepped forward. "Captain Daniel from the Starship Phoenix-X. If you are responsible as much as he is, then you are in equal trouble."

"Yeah!" added Kugo.

But the Vorta wolf then shifted its gnarly growls at her. Daniel quickly shapeshifted into the predatory Vorta cat in response, scaring the wolf away and gone.

"Thank you for the morphogenic demonstration, sir," Gast said as he took out a polaron full auto rifle to aim at them and prompt Dawn Relic to join his side. "You see, Captain, my little larva here has alerted me to many Alpha Quadrant rarities and has always delivered by six to eight weeks. In your case, it has been near-instantaneous as I am only after one thing to add to my collection. It's you."

Daniel reverted to humanoid form. "So, you're a geneticist only to provision Kivas Fajo-level species collecting?"

"Yes, but bigger! It's an obsession, wrapped in ambition, amalgamating in comprehensive assemblage and you're a non-Dominion shapeshifter," Gast elated. "So, if you're not going to come along peacefully, then we're going to have to get a little hotter. Meet my Earth dragon."

As if on cue, a large scale-bound dragon with an articulate wingspan flew in from the jungle, landing near to the group in a huff of dragon wind.

"Uh! Now you're inventing species? You know the more you shift your goalpost, the less your credibility, right?" Daniel criticized as he shape-shifted back into the Xindi-Avian and leapt up in attack.

The Earth dragon's wings and tail and Avian-Daniel's claws and wings traded clashes before it heaved a dollop of fire toward the Captain. RRRWWAAA! Daniel flew over and around at several angles swiping attack after attack, changing form after form until he was engulfed on the ground in a continuous flow of fire while he compacted into a hard-stoned Excalbian.

"You can be any species you want. You're the ultimate creature!" the Professor gritted.

But the high-pitched noise of a starship-level phaser beam flew passed and struck the Earth dragon until it was vapourized from existence. Daniel reverted to normal humanoid form and everyone looked up to see the Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X hovering above, all vectors back together.

"No! It's the ultimate starship?" exclaimed Dawn Relic in shock. "At least, in the immediate vicinity? I thought I separated the vectors into the toughest parts of the planet??"

Gast turned to him before running off into the jungle. "They've weakened the foliage-infested hazards. We must escape to Soong another day."

---

But upon the Bridge of the Phoenix-X, the visual of them running off could be seen from the large viewscreen.

"Oh, no you don't," observed Commander Gotens. "Lieutenant Kayl, beam those prisoners to the holodeck. I got inspired by my experience and put on a program about pre-historic Voth with no feathers."

Kayl tilted as she complied at her console. "That's oddly specific."

"Let's also destroy that compound as a form of caffeine rejection, before any more cliché's are brought back to life," Gotens suggested. "And don't talk to me about preserving evidence. This is the Gamma Quadrant; the wild, wild west of no-rules space and random Karemma encounters."

Armond re-addressed the weapons console. "Since Captain Aeris and I finally worked things out, I am happy enough to comply with that order."

"Work what out? I basically fixed your phaser system so you could shoot that dragon," Aeris said as she beamed Daniel and Kugo aboard. "It was out of blowing off steam from Starfleet regulation frustration that you had any chance at all."

Daniel nodded to her. "Federation bureaucracy strikes again. Right, Computer?"

"Domination subroutines temporarily deactivated," the computer updated.

Gotens handed Daniel a PADD. "Speaking of reports, all non-killed crew including Lieutenant Anyone and prisoners Ragon and Kotah are accounted-for and the ship has on-boarded a system called ultra transwarp now?"

"Ah, the death one. Now that I can rely on my crew, Kugo, do you think it's worth supplementing that canon-breaking cocaine-fuled propulsion program without causing yet another destruction of a Phoenix-ship?" Daniel asked.

The Chief Engineer took the PADD to examine herself. "Anything to not be indulged in hacky creature-infested nature anymore. Give me a cold and sterile warp core environment prone to Wesleying any day."

"That works out great, since we need someone manning it by way of the order of things," Daniel shrugged. "Now, let's switch shows. Helm, set a course for home and play the Voyager theme."

Red turned to the flight controls and activated its built-in music subroutines. "Aye, Captain. Locating planetary rings to fly over before the jump."

---

Later, after Gast and Dawn were finished being terrified by unrecognizable Voth on the holodeck, the two were thrown into their own cell in the Brig.

"You idiot!" Professor Gast berated toward his subordinate. "All my work, down the drain. I was hoping to see Kukulkan at the annual Collector's Guild meet for bragging rights, but now I'll have to settle for, ugh, Thadiun Okona."

Based on that, he then turned his back on Dawn, rejecting him forever.

 

Sweet STIV ref!

Thanks!! rbs

 

lol Ya I had just recently rewatched it when I wrote that.

 

Author's notes: The original of this was done sometime in the 90s as an edited RP chat presented in chatfic format. This rewrite was completed in November 2023.​

Star Trek: Phoenix-X
"The Cloud Aloft, Part I"

The Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X sped incredulously through transwarp in the Gamma Quadrant, on an epic, non-seven-year journey towards home.

"See, Voyager? This is how it's done!" argued Captain Daniel from the Bridge to a confused crew.

Gotens deadpanned him. "They can't hear you now, sir."

"I know," the other man shrugged. "I'm going to send it to them later. In the meantime, what is our ETA for said-home?"

Red turned from the helm. "25 minutes."

"Captain. We are now entering Dominion territory, as expected," Armond reported from tactical.

Commander Gotens stared off, seriously. "Are we in fact ready for this? That overly thrusted Deep Space 9-based war is still going strong, and any multiples of enemy ships could call upon multiples more, like some kind of loud yelling guy in a room of entitled big box store shoppers."

"It's not going to do us any good getting all worked up," Daniel ceased his own pacing. "As long as our prodigious Chief Engineer is confident our drive can maintain velocity, we'll be fine."

As if ridiculously on queue, Kugo's call came in. "Chief to Bridge. I don't know how much longer we can maintain this velocity. We are not fine!"

"Why is it, like, every week at the same evening timeslot we have these so-called episodes?" Daniel exposé'd. "Are we on television right now?"

Kugo continued. "Ignore those cameras! The in-world problem stems from the premature ultra-transwarp modifications by Lieutenant Dawn that got us out this far to begin with."

"I like how just normal super-speed just wasn't enough for us," Gotens added. "I'm actually putting a committee together to make our ship even more OP."

Daniel shook his head. "Whatever! I can't risk stopping the ship in enemy territory until we're out. It's not like it should take us very long, considering the hyper-nature of exactly what we're talking about. How much time do we have to the Quadrant border? Like five, six or seven seconds?"

"Eight," Kugo confirmed. "But the engines are severely overclocked and running so hot that, at any moment now, they could—"

With a large thud, Red turned from the helm. "We are currently on half impulse."

"—Give out," Kugo finished. "Speak of the highly sought after and largely proven Vulcan devil."

Gotens dusted his hands off in finality. "Well, that is indubitably that. The lesson being that inevitability always gauges your eyes out. Now, who's up for a holodeck malfunction?"

BAM! But the Phoenix-X was suddenly hit by an aggregation of immanent polaron bursts. "We are under fire from two Jem'Hadar attack ships," Armond confirmed from tactical.

"Ohh! That can be the inciting incident," Gotens perked to a blank audience. "Oh, fine. Let's defend ourselves and get warp online instead. Less fun, though."

Kugo replied before cutting out, "Aye, sir."

BLAM! As the Phoenix-X was then inundated by another polaron barrage by the Lyngon-945, a feedback pulse fed itself up into the Phoenix-X's tactical console, exploding before Armond and sending him down. "Ugh! I'm alright."

"Weapons control is out," Gotens checked. "I thought we'd been applying anti-explosion gel to the consoles every morning?"

Daniel darted. "You know that shipment was a Ferengi scam!"

"Either way, we're sitting Earth ducks," Red deadpanned. "Those historically hated and extinct diseased squawking hordes with terrible attitudes."

Gotens walked over to the Captain. "Sidebar. If I can get to the weapons control section, I may be able to repair the surge damage."

"I'm the fastest. I'll go," Daniel contemplated. "You know I beat you in that revolver dismantle-reassemble-then-shoot life-and-death Nausicaan pirate drinking game last week."

The Commander looked at him. "Yeah, because you were supposed to let me win! Bullets make solids bleed, remember?"

"A lesson we all had to learn the hard way," Daniel admitted. "Well, at least you're alive again. The you that needs to do this to prove to me your worth." He then nodded to an off-put Gotens and ran off.

Shaking it off, Gotens turned his attention to the viewscreen. "Alright. Teamwork makes the dream work. Hail that foreign vessel of maddening origins." When the screen clicked on to a view of Jem'Hadar Second Uon'Rog, Gotens continued, "We are a formidable starship and very ready to destroy you."

"What are you doing!?" came the accusations of First Jakla'Tan to his subordinate. "Mingling with the enemy? Terminate this frequency!"

Uon'Rog turned to him. "If you would let me speak for once, I could inform all of us that we must not stay here. For it will mean our death as well as theirs."

"What are they talking about? Does every ship have to have its own inter-personnel conflict?" Gotens queried after the screen cut out to show the second Jem'Hadar attack ship, the Lyngon-944, turning and firing an experimental energy pulse into the Phoenix-X before warping out of there. Holding from the impact, Gotens added, "External conflict on top of that? How rude!"

Suddenly, Daniel's call came in from the lower decks. "Commander, I can't get the weapons armed despite the surge fix. It looks like we took an active sub-electric jamming shot."

"In English, man," Gotens stressed.

Daniel replied, "I'm in charge here, so my discourse remains conclusive!"

"Well, it looks like you don't have weapons. What are you going to do?" came the return viewscreen communication from an entertained First Jakla'Tan.

Gotens turned to him. "What the hell? This is not a show to watch other people struggle with their own problems!"

"They must really like our episodes, because they've lowered shields?" a recovered Armond observed from another console.

Jakla'Tan turned to his own men. "Convert remaining power to our quantum torpedo launch."

"Oh! Do the multi vector mode thingamabobber," Daniel suggested over comms. "In fact, it's voice-activated and I'm the Captain, so, Computer, initiate multi vector separation. Attack Sequence Omega."

To that, everyone listened as the computer acknowledge the order and began separating. "Sequence now implementing by way of awkward Captain's location's orders."

"Right?" Gotens agreed as the Phoenix-X began moving and separating into three vectors, circling around the Lyngon-945, confusing them, profusely.

From the viewscreen, Ninth Toba'Rukh declared to his superiors, "I can't get a clear lock on any one of them!"

"Now it is they who have lowered their shields," Fourth Dyn'Mek claimed from his display.

In a matter of seconds, Starfleet officers beamed aboard the Lyngon-945, surprise-attacking and fighting unsuspecting Jem'Hadar. "Ahh! They did the thing we do!" First Jakla'Tan observed.

"Commander, I'm detecting some kind of matter/anti-matter inimical energy cloud heading this way?" Armond added in sudden confusion. "It's behind that Jem'Hadar attack ship."

BOB stepped forward. "That's what they were afraid of."

"Aah! Where'd you come from?" Gotens reacted at BOB's sudden appearance. "Never mind. I wasn't afraid of you. Can we get out of here on impulse?"

Red turned from helm. "Not enough speed."

"Hey-low, memba's! We've got control of the Jem'Hadar attack ship," came Lieutenant Commander Wallace as he stepped into frame on the viewscreen.

Gotens stepped forward in fear. "Commander to all vectors. We've got to get out of here. There's an unknown energy cloud heading this way!"

"It's too late," BOB observed as the purple cloud passed over all Phoenix-X vectors and the Lyngon-945.

After a fearful, shared breath, the cloud's climactic overtake was anti-climactisized as it suddenly continued, on passed them with no apparent danger whatsoever.

"It was no problem after all, Commander," Daniel added. "I pay you to keep your cool, not loose your tool. The tool's your brain, if that wasn't clear. Also, money doesn't exist."

When the three vectors recombined back into the Phoenix-X, Captain Daniel made his way back to the Bridge where Kugo was calling, "Bridge. When we were inside that energy cloud, the engine's perpetual over-clocking apparently stabilized."

"What are you saying? We should go back into it?" the Captain queried.

Kugo perked, "Well, now I am."

"Armond, tractor that Jem'Hadar ship. Red, take us back into the cloud," Gotens ordered.

As the Phoenix-X pulled the Lyngon-945 through the mist and matched its speed, Ensign Dan's eyes widened in pure, unrelenting wonder. "Ooooh, pretty."

"You're relieved!" Daniel snapped.

---

Later, the group gathered in the Conference room to assess the situation.

"Okay. We've got an engine ready to explode, impulse only, no weapons, a tractored Jem'Hadar fighter and no communication with home," Gotens established. "You should take it the situation is grim and the odds are stacked against us."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "First of all, take it easy already and, second, why does it feel like we're always being set up with these wild scenarios?"

"Turns out there's a lot of drama out here in the vastness of space and we're its front-runners," Kugo noticed.

Armond nodded. "In that vein, you should know the matter/anti-matter volatility of the cloud prevents further communication outside its parameters."

"It's like a comfy, warm interspatial incubation chamber," Kayl purred. "In fact, I've begun to wrap myself in it— I mean, study it."

After a hesitant look her way, Gotens inquired of the others, "If we use the Jem'Hadar ship to tractor us at warp, how long would it take us to get to the Bajoran wormhole?"

"If we could control it, two weeks," Red confirmed. "We also risk running into more Dominion ships and the odds of having another weird but beneficial plot-device'd fight are slim at best."

BOB shrugged. "Yeah, but not that slim."

"Hmm. I'm going to have a talk with those Jem'Hadar to see if they know more," Daniel conceived. "After all, I am their god."

Kugo rolled her eyes. "Ugh. The persistence of men's ego, for some reason. Logistics, probably." She sighed. "Well, the engine modifications will likely take about two weeks to correct due to the maddening concept of ultra transwarp to begin with. In the interests of expediting a hasty exit from this cloud, I will get started, starting......... now."

---

Later, in Engineering, as copious clusters of engineers were working tirelessly, dedicated to the mechanics of an overdue, surely-ill-fated starship, Kugo was approached by Ensign Billy.

"Chief, did you tell the Captain that it would be two weeks before we solve the issue with the engines?" he weighed.

Kugo snapped. "You dare question my authority? To the dungeon!"

"Actually, we're still sourcing out the stone and over-sized chain supply for that," Billy reminded. "What I meant was, I think Kayl's experimentations with containing the adverse cloud can be applied here. If being in it ceases danger, then why not take a piece if it with us?"

The Vulcan's eyes widened in realization. "Dear, fake gods, you might be on to something." She tapped her commbadge, next. "Chief to the Captain. I found a solution of utmost potentialities—"

"—Ahem!" Billy interrupted, purposefully.

She darted eyes at him with contempt. "Ensign, is there something wrong with your throat? If you need to, you have permission to go to Sickbay." Then, turning back to air, Kugo continued, "Anyway, like I was saying, I found a solution. The key is the cloud. I plan to integrate what we can collect and use that to stabilize systems."

"Like the chicken and the egg!" Daniel analogized.

Kugo deadpanned, "No, sir. I keep telling you that comparison doesn't apply to every situation."

---

On the Bridge, Daniel walked around to an impromptu meeting with several senior staff and Captain Aeris.

"Well, well, well. Lounging in a crisis, Captain?" Armond observed of the dormant commanding officer. "You know we've been in a situation and stuff this whole time, right?"

Aeris snapped. "It's not my ship, therefore I get all the unlimited manicures I want!"

"She's right, Armond," Daniel corroborated. "Those are well-known command privileges, and it is obvious there is much you need to learn." He then turned from a perplexed Armond to the others. "Anyway, I want a quick inspection of that Jem'Hadar attack ship of which Wallace and his team have secured. Also, since the Phoenix-X's weapons systems are down, I want as many people here as possible, armed."

Gotens nodded. "If we run out of phasers, we have glass-encased crowbars on every deck."

"Armond, I want you to join and coordinate additional system analysis over there and have Kayl prep Jem'Hadar transport to our Brig," Daniel continued. "She needs something to do."

The Hispanic-descent man nodded before realizing. "Wait. Isn't that last comment incredibly patronizing?"

"Another command privilege," Aeris re-affirmed. "Seriously, where do you get the nerve to question us? We are gods!"

Lieutenant Commander Armond transposed, quickly. "Oh, you want to see my nerves? They're at the front edge of your incredible, sovereign egos!"

"You two, stop at this nanosecond," Daniel ordered. "There is only so much high-roading one can do before the air gets thin, and we Captains are mandated our own premium and localized oxygen composition in all ship rooms we occupy."

---

Later, aboard the Lyngon-945, Daniel approached Lieutenant Commander Wallace, who was overseeing a security round-up with his team.

"Hey-low! The clone men of this crew are free for interrogation at any time," Wallace allotted. "I have confirmed their schedules are cleared based on the fact they are now prisoners."

Daniel shook his head. "How obvious is it that I've been procrastinating this first close-range meeting with these people?"

"We had bingo cards going," Wallace admitted. "But there is nothing you can say or do to change the adorational nature of the Jem'Hadar. They will adulate you no matter your side."

Daniel sighed. "Thank you, Smart Wallace. Those horned-murder-junkies are a complicated bunch."

---

Entering the Brig aboard the Lyngon-945, Daniel walked past the cells collecting lower-level Jem'Hadar until reaching the First and Second.

"Well? Aren't you going to bow before me?" Daniel eyed, questioningly.

First Jakla'Tan was nearly taken aback. "To a traitor? You come from our side, like that one guy from Deep Space 9 who isn't hiding who he is from the rest of his people."

"The mere fact that this eternal one keeps his true self to a select few is proof he suffers comparable plights," Second Uon'Rog annunciated before conceding and bowing to Captain Daniel's rhetorical request.

Jakla'Tan took in this logic and changed stance, doing the same, bowing and leading all the rest of the Jem'Hadar to bow as well. "I suppose the similarities are undeniable. We honour the Founders." Upon return, he continued, "Victory is life and, may I ask, what will become of us?"

"It is most likely you will be prisoners of the Federation," Daniel realized. "But there are many pity-tasks you can perform if granted parole, such as road-side trash pickup, after-school guest fear-pushing and voluntary prison yard shiv stab-outs."

The Jem'Hadar First considered it for a second. "As good as that last one sounds, I must reiterate how we remain honoured by your presence as a Founder only. You see, we will not do community work, as it is beneath us and people in general."

"Oh, really?" Daniel scoffed. "Then I guess you're planning to escape this perfectly good capture? The alternative would be laughable if Changelings even knew how to do that. Also, you should know we've reinforced the shielding in here with anti-explosion gel."

Nodding, Jakla'Tan added, "Escape? No. As I was saying, victory is life, and we have not been victorious." He then clapped his hands to all. "Tubes, everyone. Aaaand, action!"

---

"And then they all eliminated themselves. Right in front of me," Daniel blinked in shock with Commander Gotens from the safety of the Captain's Ready Room now back aboard the U.S.S. Phoenix-X. "And why'd they play it for laughs?"

Gotens shrugged. "They were probably trying a different approach just to shake things up. Too bad they missed the mark, like shooting darts at a Ferengi wall."

"The lesson here is to seek help when in crisis and/or don't go to war with the Federation," Daniel established.

The Commander nodded. "We're wartime candy for many aggressive cultures."

"Maybe this is my fault," Daniel added before looking away. "I could have been more swift and decisive with my approach."

Gotens continued. "Variables are cosmetic bon bons to that of excessive drive. But, if you wanted, you could seek their Vorta Commander for closure? I have confirmed her schedule is cleared based on the fact she is a prisoner."

"Thank you, Commander," Daniel paused. "Perhaps my misplaced tempest in our command partnership has been near abundant. You may take your fifteen-minute break early today."

 

Star Trek: Phoenix-X
"The Cloud Aloft, Part II"

Meanwhile, in the Brig of the Phoenix-X, several prissy detainees from numerous outlandish episodes, past, sat or paced within their own force-fielded confines.

"All my life's work and the hours I spent at Starfleet Academy. Gone! For what? A criminal offense?" complained the human, Lieutenant Dawn Relic, for transgressions gone by.

Professor Gast turned to him. "Your life's work?? I was the beastial monarch of my feral generation! A whole planet, horrifically full of genetic automations."

"Oh, shut up!" interjected Kotah, the Andorian ship hijacker. "All I want is to have some peace so I can contemplate the various textures of redbat prison rations."

Gast snarked. "This is a Phoenix-ship! We'd be lucky if we get passed today if we don't die from either a transwarp failure or a Dominion attack."

"Then let me contemplate our last days, but quietly!" thundered Kotah.

The new female Vorta addition chimed, "Friends, you need not trifle over particulars. I will confirm we will be destroyed by either the Dominion or the Inimical cloud. Though, such quibbling makes me hope it is soon."

Kotah perked. "Little creature. If you don't like my company, you can kiss my perfect, blue—"

"As I see it," Daniel opened, stepping into the general area, "We certainly have our collection of delinquents, goons and ruffians."

Feylou raised an eyebrow. "A little on the touchy side, aren't we, Captain?" A stern look from Daniel prompted Feylou to bow in submission. "Sincere apologies. I meant no disrespect. A fact you may be able to confirm by the honorable deaths of my men."

"Klingons?" Kotah wondered.

The Vorta replied, "Jem'Hadar."

"Huh. They're more alike than I thought," Kotah realized.

Daniel eyed the species-subordinate in hidden curiosity. "So, they all died because I'm in Starfleet?"

"Perhaps that is half the reason," Feylou subjected. "Or perhaps it is their unconscious expression of your disassociation from our people."

Rolling his eyes, Daniel added, "How could I ever want to associate with a species so recklessly trigger-happy? Groups make choices just like individuals. It has nothing to do with me." He turned, again, to Feylou. "As for you, I want access to your ship before your reinforcements arrive."

"Despite what would be a tactical insufficiency on my part, I gleefully comply," Feylou perked.

---

Meanwhile, the Ferengi BOB and Ensign Billy were sat in the Messhall being served drinks by the Talaxian knock-off chef.

"Alright and here are your drinks. One empathically adult hyper-caffeinated raktajino and one something called apple juice in a sippy cup," announced Heelix as he un-trayed the orders.

Billy took the kids drink before the server departed. "Oooh! Thanks." He then continued with BOB, "Juvenility will help me in my grown-up support to Kayl and Kugo for our efforts to cloudenize the transwarp engines from overclocking."

"Have you tried drawing a smilie face in the cloud itself?" BOB queried. "There's a petition to redefine that as the new Picard Maneuver."

The Ensign nodded. "That was the first thing we tried. Fortunately, the cloud neutralizes the Phoenix-X, while aggravates the Lyngon-945." Then he took notice. "Wait. You're into this stuff? What about earning latinum and betting with various hundreds of quatloos?"

"I only do that to keep up appearances," the Ferengi reassured. "My true passion is in embracing all expertise that facilitates continued existence. For example, I would never redirect power from life support."

Billy nodded. "Yeah, that's usually the first thing we knock out in almost all moderate conflict. But where did you come from? You seem to just exist on this ship without any organizational affiliation or purpose whatsoever?"

"I know! Isn't it amazing? That's how you know we're living in an enlightened society. As a non-affiliated, non-crew nothing, I know all the ship's highly classified secrets and personal dramas, and I'm still treated as an equal," BOB appreciated.

Walking by, Commander Gotens forced a stop in his tracks. "Uh, you were hired to advise on Dominion behaviour, based on that one time you traded Ferengi yak cheese with them."

"Ugh. Can you believe the Jem'Hadar thought they could replace ketracel white?" BOB complained. "Speaking of which, I need to reschedule this week's consultation due to an unrelated yak cheese problem in my quarters."

Gotens threw his hands up in defeat before continuing away. "Dammit, again!"

"I keep putting it off. I'm stalling," BOB admitted after he was gone. "But I don't think I can sustain that for long before my operational value diminishes completely. I tried getting a job on Deep Space 9, but it turns out they already had a top-level Ferengi."

Billy nodded. "It's true. You can't have more than one." He then turned. "Why don't you work toward joining Starfleet? Or help with maintenance in Engineering? Or at least be the ship's bartender?"

"Hmm. All those options are highly contrived and already done to death by other Ferengi, but I can't deny the appeal of keeping my status-quo uninterrupted."

---

Meanwhile, out in the confines of the inimical cloud, the Phoenix-X's tractor beam to the Lyngon-945 momentarily fluctuated, prompting an alert on the Bridge tactical console.

"The cloud-disruption of their ship is starting to cause the beam to drain power," Armond reported with urgency to Commander Gotens. "There's no way to compensate without deleting our already deactivated life support."

Aeris stepped forward. "And if we let go of the Jem'Hadar attack ship, it'll expedite their disruption and explode at us like some kind of bull in a three-piece China shop."

"Alright, calm down. The Phoenix-X is not a China shop," Gotens halted before hailing the crew on the enemy vessel. "Wallace, we're running into problems. Get everyone back here for safety."

The other man nodded. "This is why we all need mobile Genesis devices. So that explosions lead to reanimations."

"You can't solve everything with a Genesis device!" Gotens repulsed. "Starfleet is out of starship supplies, anyway, having to constantly replace Intrepid-class ships. They're regularly getting lost."

---

Later, the senior staff and BOB took seats around the large table in the Conference room.

"Due to the cloud, that ship could go any minute and releasing the tractor beam would accelerate it. Options?" Captain Daniel demanded of his crew.

Red perked. "We gain control, pilot the attack ship out, tractor and eject the transwarp core of the Phoenix-X and destroy the Dominion once and for all."

"It's unlikely we could breach the Lyngon-945 without its encryption codes," BOB observed. "I did a whole yak cheese remote-connect thing one time."

Daniel nodded. "In fact, Feylou did provide me with encryption, but Wallace was blocked by a command firewall and several unskippable ads about cloning benefits."

"Are you sure she's not messing with you, Captain?" Aeris queried. "The Vorta are highly experimental in testing people. I once saw a crouched-over guy gnawing some dude's ear off before I was able to aggressively shoo them away."

Armond spoke up. "While I will attest to experiencing that as well, in terms of our situation, I believe I can maintain the tractor beam longer, but it would mean we should at least disable the onboard lens flares."

"You will do no such thing!" countered Gotens.

BOB then snapped his fingers. "Tractor beam. We use the tractor beam to compile the variant cloud matter enough to reconstitute it into our systems."

"Surely, as your ability to suddenly problem solve Starfleet-style is a convenience of circumstance, accomplishing this will take some futuristic finagling," Kugo elucidated.

Daniel turned to Kugo. "You're the best finageler we've got. If anyone can hack the Lyngon-945 for its impulse control, it's you. Then we can send it out of the equation."

"I could reroute its bug-like systems until its beetle-shaped firewall implodes," Kugo realized.

Gotens relaxed and started dealing. "Everyone, pick a card from the assignment randomizer deck of playing cards."

"You know, instead of that, I will volunteer to support Engineering while the big brains work on your double angle," Aeris offered. "Gotens has some experience there with me from the Xena, so we can team up."

The Captain nodded. "Agreed. Once the Dominion ship is gone, we prime engines and transwarp like hell. If plans fail, we all get jobs as gormagander space whale hunters on Gelrakian barges."

"Ohh! Dibs on the giant crystal spear," Gotens called as everyone got up and filed out of the room.

BOB stopped at Daniel after everyone was gone. "Captain, I was wondering if, after all this, I could stay on the ship? I'm willing to take on any new role, so long as it's not some kind of empty and meaningless position like morale officer."

"It's clear you've thought about this," Daniel surmised. "I will consider your stay since two bars of gold-pressed latinum is hardly much to spare. Isn't it?"

The Ferengi was taken aback. "Sir!?"

"Seriously. I used up our entire cache on Changeling bucket pyramid schemes and now we all have too many morning cereal receptacles."

---

Entering Engineering, Aeris and Gotens got to work, managing the changes and cloud matter integration to the transwarp drive as they came in.

"Status is nominal, so far," a focused Captain read from the monitor.

Gotens took it all in. "Look at us, performing menial, low-level tasks like a bunch of subordinates. We're so progressive!" Then he took out a PADD and started doodling starship sketches. "That's how good we are. That I have time to do this."

---

Kayl entered the Bridge, took her station and began shutting down more non-essential systems to support the tractor beam.

"Let's see. I can't imagine how this line of power conduits are relevant," she observed of an interactive display as she turned them off.

Suddenly, a call came through to her from the Messhall. "Heelix to Bridge. My stove just turned off and I was in the middle of a massive leeola root curry dal!"

"Holy crap. That sounds equal parts terrible and delicious. I simply must know which flavour dominates," Kayl replied before turning it back on and switching to another system. "Looks like someone is currently using the cutest-sounding, harmless holo-program, Cats of the Savannah. I'll just take power from the safeties."

---

Meanwhile, in Holodeck 2, Ensign Tom was suddenly pounced on by a giant singing lion, tearing into him, limb from limb. "Aaahh!"

---

In another part of Engineering, Armond and BOB found themselves managing tractor beam mechanics.

"We need to calibrate the matrix to the terrafelium junction then spin it half-wise and watch," Armond explained while working tirelessly through an open gear section.

Standing nearby, BOB watched, perplexed. "Did you just make all that up? Never mind. I'll just supervise while you do your thing."

"Suit yourself. It's a real simple procedure," he reassured whilst frothing the rundels.

---

In Sickbay, a mangled and near-broken Ensign Tom stepped through the swooshing doors in utter, searing discomfort.

"Wait. Is this a near-elimination played for laughs? That's like shooting domjot at a Nausicaan garumba conference!" observed Doctor Lox as he turned to take in the Ensign. "I love it. Come this way."

---

In the Brig, Captain Daniel, once again, approached the Vorta named Feylou. "Why did you lie about the encryption code? You made it seem like you were turning!"

"I am turning, but not in the way you think. You see, I was testing myself, to assess if I could break my woven adulation of the Founders, embedded in my genes," she tempered. "Denying an order is easy, but betrayal and dishonour is arduous."

Daniel eyed her. "Because of what your Jem'Hadar did earlier? Fascinating."

"Despite they and I supplicating the same masters, we still have our differences," Feylou added. "And, you are still part of the Federation, and I the Dominion, so it's unlikely you will get the encryptions as desired."

The Captain took in the situation. "You're forgetting about our pure, unrelenting Starfleet ingenuity. We're a lesson in no-ask, in-your-face problem-solving. Seriously, it's the first thing we tell people about us."

---

Meanwhile, Kugo was on the Lyngon-945, near several splayed systems panels while sifting through data on a Jem'Hadar headset. Ensign Billy held up several large linked-cables.

"How is my lifting-up of these any help at all?" he conflated.

While concentrating, Kugo replied, "Because the connections are very finicky! Hold it half-wise. Half-wise!"

---

Down in Engineering, Gotens and Aeris took notice of the hard work Armond and BOB were putting into the tractor beam set up.

"Look at them. They think they're so good. But you know what? I secretly put marks on their records then erase them just for that momentary feeling of comeuppance," the Commander sneered.

Aeris popped her head out of her work in utter shock. "Commander!" Then she got back to work. "Yeah, I used to do that too."

"Okay, we're ready!" exclaimed Armond from the other end before he popped back up from his work. "All I need now is to prepare the lock onto the cloud."

BOB checked his PADD. "Well, the energy of the anomaly is propagating at an anti-high decibel at, I'd say, five quarts."

"Ferengi? You appear to have embraced the anarchic discourse," Armond observed, impressed.

But the comms broke in, with Kayl from the Bridge. "Commander! The tractor beam to the Dominion ship is about to fail."

"This is Kugo, from the Lyngon-945," came the Vulcan's voice from said-ship. "It took a lot of Starfleet finagling, but we've broken the encryption and gained access to impulse."

Making eye-contact with a nodding Armond, Gotens turned to the open channel. "Kayl, disengage tractor beam and run it through the new configurations unto the cloud. Also, remind me to add a commendation asterisk to everyone's records. Well. I'm sure I'll remember."

"It's working. Receiving the unclean, foreign material into the Phoenix-X's inner tubes!" Aeris exclaimed from her monitor. "Really questioning all of your judgements, by the way."

---

On the Bridge, a proximity alert klaxon rang off while Daniel was entering. Two Jem'Hadar attack ships, the Hinxen-327 and the Hinxen-328, dropped warp and lanced polaron beams into the Inimical cloud.

"Enemy weapons are causing the cloud to ignite and energy tendrils to impact both us and the Lyngon-945," Wallace reported from tactical as the Phoenix-X began to rupture from jolt after jolt. "Like we're a Cinco de Mayo pinata!"

Daniel considered the analogy. "Hmm. I'll allow it. The comparison, I mean." Then he turned to a compliant Wallace. "Drop shields, momentarily, for a beam out." Daniel tapped his commbadge as the ship impacts intensified. "Bridge to Transporter Room 2. Get our Away Team back."

"I must have activated a homing signal," Kugo reported after shields returned and she entered the Bridge. "And they were probably already looking for their ship after their fleetmates had abandoned it in fear of the cloud to begin with."

The Captain understood. "A clear lack of internal communication. Corporate office cultures do it all the time."

"Speaking of communication: The cloud-harnessing is not yet complete," Armond reported over comms as Commander Gotens joined everyone on the Bridge. "Also, there's going to be a whole lot of residue for the EMH to clean up."

But the ship began to shake even more violently when the Hinxens switched to polaron dual cannons. The disruption then started to overload the Lyngon-945 and threaten the Phoenix-X.

"Our engines aren't free of the over-clock, yet destruction is immanent," Gotens observed. "If we stay, we die. If we leave, we die. Oh, what a predicament! The woe!"

Captain Daniel snapped his fingers. "Except, for the latter, we have collected much of the required material. This is a Kirk-level risk worthy of action due to the trust gained from the crew's track record." He then turned. "Helm, take us out of the cloud."

"Aye," enthusiasted Lieutenant Commander Red before he piloted the Phoenix-X out whilst the over-energized cloud and Lyngon-945 exploded behind them.

BLAM! The Phoenix-X was then hit by a barrage of polaron pulses as the two Dominion ships moved to flank them.

"Phoenix-X to Dominion ship. Are you sure you want to do this? I am one of your Founders, after all," Daniel queried.

The Jem'Hadar commander appeared on screen. "This is First Ty'Chat of the Hinxen-327. We know. Thanks to an experimental internal notification system, we've now been briefed. For, you see, this is a suicide mission."

"Don't do this, Ty'Chat. The crew of the Lyngon-945 self-eliminated on account of erroneously absurd Dominion-sewn genetics. Whether it's institutional allegiance or the safeties failure of a Cats of the Savannah program, life is not meant to be so easily doused. I don't want it."

There was a moment of shared Jem'Hadar hesitation, on screen, before Ty'Chat cut the channel and continued attacks into a multi-vectoring Phoenix-X. The battle then intensified enough to ward both Hinxens into retreat.

"They didn't even do their signature kamikaze run at us. Now I'm offended for the lack of effort," Gotens harumphed as the Phoenix-X reintegrated.

As BOB was entering the Bridge, he added, "Perhaps victory isn't life for them after all."

"Or maybe," Daniel hesitated, "it was because they were following my express wishes."

At that, Armond's call rang through across the Bridge. "Captain! Your moral projectioning gave us enough time to stabilize the engine and dismantle the ultra-settings. We're back to just normal transwarp now."

"Such a pedestrian velocity, but I'll take it," Daniel reasserted. "Red, set a course for Deep Space 9 so that we may regale them of our exploits in their own jurisdiction. Engage!"

The Phoenix-X then turned and jumped into transwarp.

 

A must for every starship in the fleet... You were really pulling no punches with this entry. Great big swipes at DS9, Voyager and Enterprise - far too numerous to catalogue. And was BOB doing a stalking horse thing for Neelix there?

Thanks!! rbs

 

Haha, thanks! Yeah, he's definitely in that no-real-purpose position. There was no real plan for him and he was totally random.

 

Author's notes: The original of this was done sometime in the 90s as an edited RP chat presented in chatfic format. The Phoenix-X last encountered DS9 in "Deep Space Not So Much". This rewrite was completed in April 2024.​

Star Trek: Phoenix-X
"Homespun, Part I"

The Nor-class Cardassian fascist space station Deep Space 9 rotated peacefully within the confines of the Denorios belt of the Bajoran system until the gaping maw of the Bajoran wormhole splayed open and spewed out the Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X. Lieutenant Commander Jadzia Dax, at her station in Operations, almost threw up in her mouth.

"Ugh!" she reacted before recomposing herself to a perplexed Kira Nerys. "Yeah, I don't know why I did that. It's nothing, Major."

Kira gave her a look. "A ship is approaching, isn't it?"

"The Phoenix-X is coming through the wormhole," Dax reported. "I still don't understand that vessel, so I didn't want to say anything."

The Major held up a hand. "No, I get it. Apparently, they ran through a multitude of exploding Phoenix-ships trying to perfect transwarp. I'll just say, Starfleet can be a little obsessive at times."

"Well, we keep launching Enterprises, so I can't argue with you there," Dax smirked before reading a forwarded message to her console. "They want to dock. They need repairs."

Kira sighed. "Why are ships always getting into trouble? Is it the war or just a trope? Let them in."

---

Meanwhile, the staff on the Bridge of the Phoenix-X got ready. Captain Daniel looked to everyone as they were busy.

"Well, it looks like we're going to be here for a little while," he conceded. "I want all personnel to keep working, unless you're off shift. Then you can explore Deep Space 9 in what some people consider a crossover but, really, is just normal in-universe functioning."

Commander Night Gotens squinted. "Why would you phrase it like that?"

"Well, Captain, Commander," approached Captain Aeris. "It was a pleasure going for a ride but, I must say, my gaggle of engineers and I are eager to get back to our own ship. The last thing they saw was the Phoenix-X inexplicably transwarping to the Gamma Quadrant."

Gotens perked. "I wonder what we look like going to transwarp? It must be a spectacular space-time transition effect."

"Hm. Well, we did get the shuttle Roche back before we left, so we should set it up to take something I'm calling a selfie," Daniel suggested. "In the meantime, have Kayl prepare our subspace social media posts."

---

Later, Gotens and the Ferengi BOB went together aboard Deep Space 9 and entered Quark's Bar. There, the Ferengi owner, busy cleaning a glass, took notice of them.

"You again!" Quark spouted at BOB. "Ohhh, no. If you're not here to gamble, drink or rent a holosuite, then get out of my face."

BOB held up his hands. "I know I came on a little strong before when I was job hunting, and I may have been a little too flirty with the dabo girls as a result of your rejection. But I'm not here for that anymore."

"He slept with the entire staff," Quark explained to Gotens. "All at once! What kind of beguiler uses his abnormal powers of persuasion for non-latinum-related pursuits? Not that I wouldn't have done the same at someone else's bar."

Gotens tilted, confused. "Beguiler?"

"It's just a thing and stuff," BOB dismissed. "The point is, I'm sorry. I just want to gamble. You know how it's the Ferengi version of relaxing at the beach." He shrugged. "Besides, I'm quite comfy being where I am now."

Quark scoffed. "Oh, really? What did you do, join a Starfleet ship?"

"No! I joined a Starfleet ship," BOB protested before he realized that Quark just said that. "Oh, wait. That's a yes. I mean, it's still up in the air whether they'll let me back on board after this stop, and I respect them enough not to use my powers on them, but you get the idea."

Both Quark and Gotens watched BOB walk off to the dabo tables. "I can't help but feel partially responsible for his downtroddenness," Gotens observed before Quark rolled his eyes and went off to another patron.

"Commander, I thought you'd be on the Phoenix-X, preparing selfie protocols with Kayl?" opened Aeris as she entered Quark's and joined him at the bar.

Gotens shrugged. "She's got it. Besides, you know me. Whenever I can get an authentic Blood Vesper without the pulp, I'm there." Quark passed him a red liquid in a martini glass. "And, don't worry about me staying alert. Armond's got our backs."

"That Armond. I could teach him a thing or two," Aeris gritted, looking away in distraction. "I mean, haven't you heard the Romulans declared war on the Dominion? It was this whole papery moony thing and all. Amazing stuff!"

The Commander did a double-take. "Wow. I had no idea. I'll have to check the Starfleet streaming site for log playbacks. Hopefully, nothing was deleted."

"Anyway, I have to go meet Captain Sisko. I still need to reach my ship," she said getting up. "Take care of yourself, Commander. No freak incidents."

But, after she left, Gotens was suddenly hit with an inexplicable, striking pain in his stomach, "Ugh! Oh, no. I wasn't supposed to have any incidents!" He then fainted to unconsciousness before a perplexed Morn caught him.

---

Meanwhile, an unawares Aeris bumped into Daniel in front of Sisko's office doors in Operations.

Benjamin Sisko stepped out to them. "Hello, Captain," he greeted to Aeris. "Captain," he then said to Daniel.

"I'm sorry, Captain," replied Daniel. "But I believe I Captainly got here before this Captain."

Aeris quickly rebutted, "Captain! I was here before this Captain."

"You took too long," Daniel invalidated. "This Captain is Captaining error like no Captain has Captained before."

Sisko rolled his eyes. "Captains! Please come inside."

As Kira and Dax watched the doors close on them, the two women turned to each other. "By the way, I heard there's another Trill on the station and that he has his own slug."

"That explains why I felt mine shudder for a moment. Some symbionts are very territorial with each other," Dax explained. "It goes all the way back to the Symbiont Wars. Though, the less said, the better."

---

In Sisko's office, the Emissary to the Prophets was quick to hold his hand up to the Captaining from Daniel and Aeris.

"Let's not start that again," Sisko insisted before taking out a PADD. "Now, Captain Daniel, Starfleet has orders for you to patrol the Flortarios system. Flortarios III is not a Federation planet, but if the Dominion manages to occupy that system, they will be too close to Federation space. Their leaders have already accepted us."

Daniel nodded. "We'll do our part in this war. But no depressing slow-motion battle sequences."

"Very good," Sisko agreed. "There are already several Starfleet vessels there, as part of your task force. Due to, what I'm told you have as, excessive untold enhancements, the Phoenix-X will assume command."

Captain Daniel chuckled. "You have no idea. Actually, there's a large contingent of lower deck Klingons on the Phoenix-X just waiting to be let—"

"Frankly, Captain, I'm hesitant to protest your place here, since rumour has it you are a Changeling yourself," he near-played while sizing him up. "But if the whole of the Federation were to learn of such a thing, then I'm sure any advantage we could gain against the Dominion would diminish greatly."

Daniel sighed. "If that were true, Captain, I'd just be trying to live a life. Even a hundred years ago, a tolerant Federation would have ostracized that."

Sisko raised a brow. "We'll agree to disagree. Thank you, Captain." He watched Daniel leave before turning to a wide-eyed Aeris. "Captain Aeris, you also wanted to see me?"

"I am dying to get to my ship, the U.S.S. Xena. It sounds Ancient Greece-like but, I assure you, we're closer to the Ottoman Empire."

---

Later, Doctor Julian Bashir and a few circling nurses had completed working on the unconscious Joined Trill, Commander Night Gotens. The Doctor hyposprayed Gotens awake.

"Ugh. It feels like I was hit by a Whale Probe, but with more of the squealing. What happened?" the Commander queried while sitting up.

Bashir nodded. "I'm still trying to figure that out. There's a chemical imbalance in your symbiont system. Do you have any idea what may have caused it?"

"Oh, crap. I think so. Not long ago, I was persuaded to eat a cookie. But, not just any cookie. It had some kind of knock-out chemical in it. Had Trill cramps and visions of giant tardigrades ever since."

The Doctor put his tricorder away. "Well, there's a lesson in taking pastries from coworkers. In addition to forced interaction, it always leads to medical complications."

"You don't have to tell me twice," Gotens agreed. "Actually, Doctor Lox gave me a temporary balancing agent to manage the issue. He was going to operate for a more permanent solution, but dinosaurs and space clouds happened."

Bashir walked around in surprise. "The Doctor Lox? He's renowned in the medical community for immoral practice and protocol violations. I can't believe there is a starship he was accepted on."

"I assure you, Doc," Gotens started. "He cares for the wellbeing of his crew and has shown nothing but compassion between whatever strange set of tribble modifications he has going on. He can do both."

The human eyed him, skeptically for a moment. "Oh, fine. Be what it may, would you permit me to perform the balancing surgery? Just the experience itself would be valuable. We can forward all follow-up procedures with your doctor."

"Considering you're a legend, yeah!" Gotens perked, enthusiastically. "Any chance I could get one of those accelerated neural pathway formation things too? Would love to reach Spock-level intelligence, but without the pale skin."

Bashir looked at him. "You know there is a slim success rate to that, don't you? Never mind. We'd better inform your Captain of our plans," Bashir began just seconds before Daniel entered the Infirmary. "Well. Speak of the Devil."

"Actually, I'm a god," Daniel quipped. "By the way, don't look into that. It's an inside joke." He then turned to Gotens. "I came as soon as I heard."

The Commander nodded. "Word gets around fast on Deep Space 9. Strange when it applies to non-local crew, though."

"Yeah, our endearing traits should not extend to yours," Bashir defended. "As for the Commander, the cookie-caused symbiont imbalance is within a threshold of medical science, but I cannot predict how long or how many procedures will be needed."

Daniel shuddered. "Coworker cookies. I'm so glad I don't eat." Then he looked to a deadpanning Bashir before dismissing with a, "Don't look into that one either." He put a hand on Gotens' shoulder. "Take your time, Commander. The Phoenix-X will be on patrol in the Flortarios system."

"Flortarios? Old memories, eh?" Gotens drifted in distant reverie.

The Captain looked perplexed. "Huh? Oh, man. The imbalance is coming back. Please take care of him, Doctor. There was one time he was on green drink and told stories like flashback sequences. It was an episode in redundancy."

"That sounds like a clip-show nightmare. I'll do everything I can, Captain," Bashir said before Daniel left.

---

Next, Daniel was taking an appreciative stroll on the Promenade, on his way to an airlock when he was suddenly approached by Odo.

"Uh, excuse me, Captain," muttered the other Changeling in a Bajoran Militia uniform. "I was wondering," he hesitated, feeling somewhat out of character. "Well, if you would like to link with me?"

Daniel was taken aback, momentarily. "Oh, hi. Good for you. You keep wondering about that. See you later."

"Ahem! Well, you see, I could tell you were a Changeling from half a kilometre away and, despite some bad experiences with others of our kind, I would like to redeem that as well as learn more about you."

The Captain paused for a moment. "I am a fan of yours, Constable. But I'm not yet sure my level of comfort with linking." As Daniel began walking away, he had an idea and stopped himself. "Actually, Odo, wait. Would you join me on a patrol cycle on the Phoenix-X as Acting First Officer? We could get to know each other and, perhaps, consider that link?"

"I'll have to get clearance from Captain Sisko, but that would be acceptable," Odo pondered. "I'll prepare a travel bucket." He nodded to Daniel and walked off.

---

As the Phoenix-X was attached to Deep Space 9, the crew wrapped their efforts in the ship's Main Engineering with much ado pride.

"Amazing work, guys," Kugo relayed while examining a status console. "We were able to stabilize the warp drive and its transwarp function without the dependency on the Inimical cloud matter."

Billy shrugged. "Kind of a waste, though. What was left of that stuff gave us more power than our warp and fusion generators combined."

"Wait a minute. You're right," Kugo realized before snapping the entire Engineering back into a chaotic frenzy. "Everyone! Undo everything we did! Let's move, move, move!"

---

Meanwhile, Captain Daniel did a quick tour of the Phoenix-X before entering the Bridge. Everything and everyone was in tip-top shape.

"The ship couldn't have looked better. Too bad the Commander can't be with us," he sighed, taking a seat.

Ensign Dan, now realizing the situation, said to himself, "Now's my chance to be promoted." He then turned to get noticed. "Oh, Captain."

"Yes, Ensign?"

The Bajoran walked over. "I have cleaned out the cups in your quarters and went into your personal logs to correct all your grammatical statements."

"What!? You entered quarters that don't belong to you, probably used the wrong soap and accessed classified information?? You do not know how much trouble you are in, Mister. You. Are. RELIEVED!"

Grumbling on his way out, Ensign Dan muttered, "Jeez. I was just trying to help." After he was gone, the Captain checked the chronometer on his chair arm.

"09:56 hours and still no Odo. I guess he's not going to join us. There goes my First Officer," Daniel relented.

But then, a gravelly voice cut in over comms. "Odo to Captain Daniel. I have permission to go. Though, I could not find my travel bucket anywhere. I suspect Ferengi interference."

"Don't worry about that. We have plenty here, Constable." After Odo was on board, Daniel checked for any other missing crew. "Daniel to BOB. It's time to make like a Ressikan tree and perish."

A nearly drunken BOB could be heard over comms with crowd noise and Quark's dabo table spinning in the background. "You know what, Captain? Your crew is— is the best at breaking canon— Like, what even is half the stuff that's going— Going on?"

"I got him. He's now on board," confirmed Lieutenant Kayl, studying her operations screen. "Ugh. We're going to need a cleanup in Transporter Room 3. Cleanup in Transporter Room 3."

---

As the Prometheus-class Phoenix-X detached from one of the Cardassian space station's upper pylons and jumped to warp, Commander Gotens was waking up in Deep Space 9's Infirmary from surgery.

"Take it easy, Commander," Bashir warned, helping him sit up. "The procedure was successful, but I recommend you stay off duty for a few hours in case of residual imbalance of personal judgment."

Gotens nodded. "Thank you, so much, Doctor. I'll spend the time in my quarters on the Phoenix-X, leaving erroneous comments on everyone's mission logs."

"My pleasure," Bashir smiled. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have another surgery scheduled. O'Brien dislocated all his limbs, this time using two kayaks as giant water skis."

After he was gone, Gotens tilted up to the air. "Hopefully, I haven't missed the ship. Computer, locate Captain Daniel?"

"Captain Daniel and the U.S.S. Phoenix-X departed Deep Space 9 at 10:00 hours," the computer reported. "Alert. Pylon connector tube still hanging off that ship."

Gotens tapped his chin. "Oh, that's right. The latch still gets stuck. Well, I can still catch up with them. I don't think Captain Sisko would mind if I borrowed some transport. I'll have to ask him first."

---

Entering Captain Sisko's office off to the side of Operations, he found that the Captain was frantic and busy, going through PADDs of mission reports.

"Got to find that mini report again," he said to himself before absentmindedly noticing Gotens, without looking up. "Out with it. What is it, Commander?"

Gotens gestured. "Actually, I wanted to know if I could borrow a vessel for transpor—"

"—Computer, where is Worf?" Sisko distracted after a pile of PADDs fell to the floor. "Starfleet wants his miniaturized runabout report, but the PADD itself was never returned to normal size." Then he noticed Gotens' perplexed look. "Just go ahead with whatever you want," Sisko dismissed in distress as he then took out a magnifying glass.

Gotens smiled. "Great! Thank you. I'll set it to auto-pilot home and auto-shoot any Jem'Hadar."

---

The Commander then went to the docking ring corridor, passing screens displaying runabout after runabout.

"Rio Grande, Gander... Volga?" he criticized. "What kinds of names are those?" But then he found a docking hatch's screen to an unidentified ship displaying a shape larger and unlike any of the runabouts. "Ahh, a relief from the river transfixation. This looks like a nice one. I'll take it."

---

Out, in space, the Defiant detached, turned and jumped to warp in the direction of the Phoenix-X. Meanwhile, a Jem'Hadar attack ship, the Lyngon-951 suddenly surprise-dropped into normal space right in front of the station.

"Captain, we are under siege from a Dominion attack ship!" Kira declared from Ops as all the alert klaxons went off.

As the view screen showed the Lyngon-951 swerving to out-maneuver Deep Space 9's targeting sensors, Sisko quickly belted, "Okay, everyone to the Defiant."

---

Upon all of them reaching the docking ring section where the Defiant was supposed to be, the senior staff became somewhat dumbfounded.

"What the hell? Where's the ship?" Sisko gritted while checking the logs. "Send a message to any nearby Starfleet vessels. Someone has hijacked the Defiant! Possibly a Dominion spy or Ferengi interference."

Worf turned to Kira. "I suspect the latter."

---

Meanwhile, Gotens put his feet up on the arms of the Captain's chair aboard the Bridge of the Defiant, in an attempt to relax per doctor's orders.

"Oh, this is spacious. Also, did I just walk through the navigational deflector to board this thing? Computer, what ship is this?"

The computer replied, "This is the Defiant-class U.S.S. Defiant."

"What did you just say?" a growing wide-eyed Gotens halted as he got up, went to the helm and dropped the escort out of warp.

The computer easily repeated herself, "This is the U.S.S—"

"—Defiant!?"

---

Not too far away, the modified Galaxy-class U.S.S. Xena trekked itself the fraction of a galactic unit. Its First Officer sat in the beige command chair, flanked by the ship's special counsellor and the Second Officer.

"Hey, guys," started Commander Wing. "Now that the Captain isn't around, I'd like to dim the lights a bit more. There is just something so bright about this Bridge."

Kuri turned to him. "You can't. That just leads to dimmer and dimmer ships until, in twenty-eight years, all Bridges are insanely dark!"

"Oh, you're just overreacting. Next, you'll be talking about lens flares," Wendy said before her proximity alert went off. "Hold on. I'm reading the Defiant! Didn't Deep Space 9 just put out an APB for them?"

Wing stood up. "On the subspace radio, yeah. All units, too."

"Are we the cops of the 24th century?" Wendy asked. "Never mind. We are now coming up to the stolen vehicle. Note, the plates match the description!"

The screen then clicked on to a view of Commander Gotens. Wing spoke before registering, "You there! You are under arrest for the theft of a Starfleet craft of the highest order. Wait. Gotens? Night Gotens?"

"This isn't what it looks like," Gotens protested with upped palms to his old ship. "Okay. Maybe I did do exactly what this looks like. But, be honest, we've all wanted to steal the Defiant at one point or another. —Hey? Are you a Commander now?"

Wing blushed. "Ohhh, yeah. You said it would happen. Also, you would not believe this amazing woman I met at my promotion party. She had the biggest—"

"Commander! If we could?" interrupted Mable.

The man turned to her. "Please don't cut me off, Lieutenant." Then he turned back to the screen. "As I was saying, she had the biggest— theories on the origins of the Universe as well as an in-depth perspective on the social sciences of interpersonal relationships. Which makes this even harder, considering our pre-disposed friend-history."

"Are you leading up to something?" But Gotens was then beamed out and into the Brig of the Xena. "Why is it so bright in here??"

---

The Xena and Defiant then turned in space and warped back to Deep Space 9. There, they found that the station was under siege, now with several more Dominion attack cruisers.

"We've got our ship back!" Kira reported from a console in Operations as everyone was frantically working defence controls. "Talk about a sight for sore eyes."

O'Brien entered Ops and eyed her. "It was only gone for an hour, Major. Also, all my limbs are working again."

"Very good on both counts. Now, maintain photon torpedo bursts, Mr. Worf."

The Klingon continued firing, grumbling. "Being relegated to this again? I might as well have stayed on the Borg-stenched Enterprise-E. The variable deck count, I would have put up with."

---

Commander Wing was now on the Defiant, manoeuvring it and hitting the Lyngon-951 with photon torpedoes until it exploded.

"Okay, Gotens was right about this ship," he realized. "I do not blame him for accidentally stealing the Defiant, that symbiont-imbalance thing he mentioned notwithstanding."

---

Another Dominion attack ship, the Hinxen-332, maneuvered away from a torpedo as it fired polaron beams on Deep Space 9. The three-nacelled Xena then intercepted and disabled it before the Defiant phaser-cannoned the Hinxen-332 into another explosion.

"Yes! Did you see that assist from my ship?" Aeris bragged, entering Ops. "She's a tee-up'er. Think about us for your next missions. Here's my card."

Kira took one. "Is this hard paper?"

"Aaaand, we are done," Worf reported as he fired photon torpedoes into exploding one last Jem'Hadar attack ship, the Lyngon-952, prompting the other ships to retreat.

Dax perked. "What was this offensive for? It was obvious they were going to be defeated?" She wondered. "A misdirect for something else?"

"The Defiant's database was in a compromised repair state before the ship was prematurely exposed by the undocking," Worf theorized. "This particular task force may have been hidden in wait for that very opportunity."

Sisko raised a brow. "That's one less threat we have to worry about. Perhaps we have that Commander of the Phoenix-X to thank for drawing them out of their proximity sooner, or they may have struck Deep Space 9 at a more vulnerable time." He then noticed the perplexed look on some of the crew's faces. "Remember? They're a Phoenix-ship, but accelerated down the line of Phoenix-ships? Never mind."

---

Meanwhile, the U.S.S. Phoenix-X dropped warp in the Flortarios system. Its crew clicked on to a view of the majestic spacescape.

"Well, Constable Odo. What do you think? It's a beautiful place, isn't it?" Daniel queried.

Odo eyed the sulphuric red gasses backdropping a blue planet near an asteroid belt, whilst being highlighted by two suns. "Why, yes. I've seen many like this and, if we link, you'll see them too."

"Uhh, oh! Armond. How bad do you feel for anyone on that planet that has died from asteroid impacts?" the Captain diverted, nervously.

Armond checked. "Flortarios IV is uninhabited."

"Captain, we're being contacted by the U.S.S. Dropzone," Kayl reported after a message alert went off. "They say to meet in New Tallahassee city on Flortarios III. We'll be briefed on patrol strategies."

Daniel breathed a sigh of relief. "Phew! I guess we have to do more non-Changeling things. Yup. Postponing stuff for other stuff. Heh, heh." Then he snapped to, having successfully recovered himself. "Now, let's set a course, Mr. Red. Engage!"

TO BE CONTINUED

 

Everyone wants to hijack the Defiant... Thanks!! rbs

 

Everyone!